OPTIMISM & PESSIMISM 樂觀悲觀
當代理人把泰利太太的火災保險單拿來給她時，表示了最好立刻付首次款項。
她問: “要付多少錢呢？”
“約 100元, 稍等一下，我會知道確實的數額。“
“哦，怎麼令人厭煩！”她大聲說。 “告訴公司在你們的立場，當房子燒毀時, 你們扣除這數額後後還欠我多少。”
When the agent brought Mrs. Tarley her fire-insurance policy he remarked that it would be well for her to make her first payment at once.
“How much will it be?” she asked.
“About $100. Wait a minute and I’ll find the exact amount.”
“Oh, how tiresome!” she exclaimed. “Tell the company to let it stand and deduct it from what they will owe me when the house burns down.”
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一個小男孩和奶奶一起在海邊散步，突然，不知哪裏來的一個大海浪把小男孩卷到海裏去了。老太太嚇壞了，立刻跪在地上，舉目望天，祈求上帝把她寶貝孫子還給她。啊呀，誰知又有一個大浪撲卷過來了，正好把那個驚魂不定的男孩子沖回到海灘上，孩子就躺在奶奶的面前。老太太仔細看看孫子，他毫發無損。但是老奶奶卻憤怒地看著天空，不高興地說：「我們剛才來的時候，小寶還帶著帽子呢！」
A young boy and his grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea.
The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson.
Lo, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her.
The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine.
But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. “When we came,” she snapped indignantly, “he had a hat!”
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有一個農夫經歷了幾年的壞收成之後，就去拜訪銀行的經理並且說：「我有些好消息和壞消息要告訴你，你想先聽哪一個？」銀行經理回答他：「為什麽不先告訴我壞消息？反正我們遲早得知道。」「壞消息是因為連年的旱災，加上通貨膨脹高居不下，我一點無法付出購房貸款的本金和利息。」「那真是太糟糕了，」「更糟的是，我也無法償付夠買農業機械貸款的本金和利息。」經理嘆了口氣：「哦，那太不妙了。」農夫又說：「還有更倒黴的事情呢，你記得我還借了錢去買肥料，種子和其他的補給品。我連本帶利都付不出來。」「我聽夠壞消息了，那真是太可怕了，有什麽好消息告訴我。」經理大叫道。農夫面帶微笑地回答說：「我還想和你繼續合作做生意。」
There was a farmer who had experienced several bad years with his crops who went to see the manager of his bank and announced, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news to tell you. Which would you like to hear first?”
“Why don’t you tell me the bad news first and get it over with?” the banker replied.
“Okay, the bad news is, with the bad drought we’ve had, coupled with runaway inflation, I won’t be able to pay anything on my mortgage this year, either on the principal or the interest.”
“Well, that is pretty bad.”
“It gets worse. I also won’t be able to pay anything on the principal or interest on the loan for all that machinery I bought.
“Wow, is that ever bad!” sighed the banker.
“It’s worse than that,” said the farmer. “You remember I also borrowed to buy seed and fertilizer and other supplies. Well, I can’t pay anything on the principal or interest that loan either”
“That’s awful and that’s enough! Tell me what the good news is, exclaimed the banker!”
“The good news,” replied the farmer with a smile, “is that I intend to keep on doing business with you.”
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你聽過一個患肥胖癥的病人去看病的故事嗎？醫生仔細檢查他後說道：「我有些好消息和壞消息要告訴你，」「好消息是你的胃口和食欲很正常。壞消息是根據你的體重，你的身體高度太矮了
Did you hear about the man who went to the doctor because he had a severe obesity problem? The doctor examined him very carefully, and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “The good news is that there is not anything wrong with your appetite. The bad news is, according to your weight, you’re not as tall as you should be.”
www.bethesdabible.com/pdf/What%20is%20the%20Mind%20of%20Christ.pdf
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在第一次大戰的時候，有個法國士兵身上帶著一張治療憂郁癥的藥方：「在兩個可能發生的事情中，只有一個是可能發生的。或者派你到前方去，或者你留守後方。如果你上了前線，也只有兩種可能中的一種發生：你或者在危險的地方，或者在安全的地方。如果你碰到危險，只有兩種可能中的一種發生：受傷或者陣亡。如果你受了傷，只有一種可能性會發生：康復或者不治身亡。如果你康復了，你就不需要擔憂了，如果你不治身亡，你就沒有能力擔憂了。為什麽要擔憂呢？」
A French soldier in World War I carried with him this little receipt for worry: “Of two things, one is certain. Either you are at the front, or you are behind the lines. If you are at the front, of two things one is certain. Either you are exposed to danger, or you are in a safe place. If you are exposed to danger, of two things one is certain. Either you are wounded, or you are not wounded. If you are wounded, of two things one is certain. Either you recover, or you die. If you recover, there is no need to worry. If you die, you cannot worry. SO WHY WORRY?”
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前法國總理喬治曾經和許多政敵決鬥。有一次，他讓自己的助手很吃驚：他在巴黎火車站買了一張單程火車票去和對手決鬥。「您是否太過於悲觀了？」助手問道。喬治回答道：「我一點都不會。我總是用對手的返程車票坐車回家的。」
Former French prime minister Georges Clemenceau fought many duels with various rivals. On one occasion, he surprised his second by asking the attendant at a Paris railroad station for a one-way ticket to the duel. “Isn’t that a little pessimistic?” asked the second.
“Not at all,” Clemenceau replied. “I always use my opponent’s return ticket for the trip back.” Today in the Word August 28, 1997
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在旅行的路上，一對老年夫婦停下來在路邊的餐館吃午餐。飯後，他們離開餐館，繼續上路。可是他們離開的時候，老太太忘記自己的眼鏡還在餐桌上，一直到他們開出去很遠之後才想起來眼鏡丟了。
老太太的老伴老大不高興，在開回餐館的路上抱怨不停，甚至對太太說許多很難聽的話。
最後他們的車子開回那家餐廳，老太太要下車去找回她的眼睛時，她的老伴對她大喊一聲：「你進去的時候，順便把我的帽子也拿回來。」-----
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes.
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn’t miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.
The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of.
When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, “And while you’re in there, you might as well get my hat, too.”
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有一個人，在他常去的一家餐館中吃飯，抱怨麵包不好吃。 「不公平」，他強調，「別家餐館給麵包，給好多塊，你們只給一塊」所以他再來的時候，他們給了他四塊麵包，他還是抱怨不夠。
後來再來的時候，他們給了他12塊，這人還是抱怨不夠。
他們看到他又來時，乾脆放了一大籃子的麵包，但是，他還是抱怨不夠，「別家餐館任你吃到夠...」他說。
第二天，他們決定要為他準備的讓他百分之百滿意，他們做了一個巨大的麵包塊。有六尺長2尺寬，要四個人搬上桌面，在他面前砰的一聲，放在桌上，佔去大半桌面，兩邊還掛著，廚師往後站著，迎著笑臉，想看他的這位客人，會給他什麼反應。
他的客人，看著這塊麵包，說：「所以，我們還是回到原點，你們只給一塊麵包，不是嗎？」
A man who dined regularly in his favorite restaurant complained about the bread. It wasn’t fair, he emphasized, that other restaurants served lots of bread. But here he gets only one piece.
So the next time he came in, they served him four pieces. He still complained it wasn’t enough.
On his next visit his server brought him a dozen pieces of bread. The man still complained.
For his next visit they put a large basket of bread on the table. But still he complained. “The other restaurants give all the bread you can eat.”
They decided to be ready for him the next day. They had an enormous loaf of bread prepared. It was six feet long and two feet wide. Four people carried the loaf to his table. They plopped it down in front of him. It took up half the table and hung over both sides. The chef stood back, pleased with himself, to see how the customer would react.
He looked over the loaf and commented, “So, we’re back to one piece again, are we?”
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美國名女作家海倫凱勒 (Helen Keller)，她不幸雙目失明，耳朵又聾了。她曾說「我一直哭著沒有鞋子穿，但等到我知道連雙腳也沒有的人，我又感覺幸運之極了。」
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悲觀者說：「玫瑰花雖好，但有刺。」，樂觀者說：「人生雖有刺，但在其中和在其上有玫瑰花。」
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Quotes引證 :
如果你沒法奪標，要追趕那個跑在你前頭的人，讓他創個新記錄。
If you can’t win, make the fellow ahead of you break the record.
樂觀主義者，久了，就變成悲觀主義者了。
A pessimist is an optimist who has been around.
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ORGANIZATION 組織
ㄧ個失業的人.在微軟上申請辦公室小弟的工作.專案經理面試後.觀察他清潔地板.做為考核的依據.
經理說:你被錄取了.請把E-MAIL地址給我.我會將申請表寄給你.填寫後告知正式上班的時間
應徵的人說:很抱歉我沒有電腦.也沒有E-MAIL地址.經理說:如果你沒有E-MAIL表示你是不存在的.對一個不存在的人而言.我無法給你這份工作了
應徵的人失望的離開.他不知所措.口袋裡只剩下10元.他決定去超商買一個蕃茄籃子.
然後他在夜市圓形廣場.賣掉所有的蕃茄.2個小時之內.他的資金成長了2倍.他重複此過程3次後.帶著60元回家
他領悟到.可以靠此方法存活.他每天ㄧ大早就出門.並且晩ㄧ點回來.他的資金每天2倍甚至3倍的成長
很快的他買了ㄧ輛馬車.接著是卡車.最後他擁有ㄧ個他自己的運輸車隊
5年之後.他成為美國最大的食品供應商.他開始他的家族生涯規劃.並且決定開辦ㄧ間人壽保險公司.
他打電話給保險經紀人.並提出了ㄧ項保護計畫.當談話結束之時.經紀人問他的E-MAIL地址
他回答說:我沒有E-MAIL地址
經紀人好奇的回答:你竟然沒有E-MAIL地址.卻建立了ㄧ個王國.你可否想過.你有E-MAIL地址結果會如何﹖他想了ㄧ下.然後回答說: 如果我有E-MAIL地址
我將仍是微軟辦公室的一個小弟罷了.
A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
“You are employed” he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.
The man replied “But I don't have a computer, neither an email”.
“I'm sorry”, said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.”
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.
Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US ...
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied, “I don't have an email.”
The broker answered curiously, “You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!” The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!”
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執行能力已經被廣泛的定義.但是充份的幽默感卻可以涵蓋整個的部份.他說:執行能力就是讓ㄧ個被雇用的人能充分感受到他是被信賴的.如有任何的疏失.主管願全然的承當.並接受一切的後果.卻不去怪罪他人(越多的恭維與讚美.可以帶來更好的效果.這就是最佳的執行能力)
Executive ability has been variously defined, but the following from an executive with a sense of humor seems to cover the whole subject. He said: “Executive ability is the ability to hire someone to do work for which you will get the credit, and, if there is a slip-up, having someone at whose door to lay the blame.” (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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包比問:爸爸﹗什麼是委員會？
爸爸:兒子﹗委員會就是一項工作.原本一個小時就能完成.卻是因為意見分歧.人多口雜.須要一個禮拜才能完成.
BOBBIE “What is a committee, pa?”
FATHER “A committee, my son, is something which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour.” (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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有一個飛行員，駕了一架單引擎的包機，載了兩位要人要飛往西雅圖機場，經過大霧，能見度10度以下，使他失去了通訊指令，他只有開始在上空盤旋，尋找地標。一小時左右，他開始發現油箱線很低，客人很緊張，終於，霧中有一小孔可以看見一個大樓，有一個人在五樓作工，飛行員飛轉過來，降下機窗，向他大叫：「嘿，我在那兒？」這獨個兒的工人回答道：「你在飛機裡啊。。」，飛行員關上機窗，飛轉過來，作了一個275度的轉彎，用一個自導式下降，在距離5里以外的跑道上安全降落。正當飛機停住，引擎停住，油箱正好一滴不剩。兩位要員很驚訝，其中一位問道：「你怎麼能飛回來？」，飛行員說：「簡單，」「我問他一個簡單的問題，他給我的答案，百分之一百對，但是，完全無用，我想那一定是微軟公司服務部，從那兒算起，我就知道飛機場不遠了。」
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy “Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies “You’re in a plane.” The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. “Simple” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is just a while away.”
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在肯達吉州，法蘭克福市，多年前，整個城裡，為爭論著要不要在廣場中心建一個水池的事迷住了。原因是，在立法院和州長辦公室裡，爭論開始益發熾熱的展開，最後，決定要三個承包商來出價承包工程，第一個承包商是從肯達吉州西面來的，它在回答他的承包價格時，他說，「3千元」，人們說太貴，要他降價，他說：「，一千付人工，一千買材料，一千給我」。第二個承包商是從肯達吉州東面來的，它在回答他的承包價格時，他說，「6千元，兩千付人工，兩千買材料，兩千給我」。第三個承包商是法蘭克福市有名的包商，常在首都政要中贏得承包工程，它在回答他的承包價格時，他關上門，小心的看了看四周，然後他說，「9千元，三千給你，三千給我，然後我們把工程包給第一個承包商」。
In Frankfort, Kentucky, it’s said that the city was enthralled in a big debate many years ago about placing a water fountain in a public square. The argument became heated in the legislature and at the governor’s mansion. Finally, a decision was made to ask three contractors to bid on the project.
The first contractor was from Western Kentucky. When asked what his bid was he replied, “Three thousand dollars.” Then he was asked to break it down, to which he replied, “a thousand for labor, a thousand for materials, and a thousand for me.” The next contractor was from Eastern Kentucky. When asked to give his bid and to break it down he said, “Six thousand dollars—two thousand for labor, two thousand for materials, and two thousand for me.”
The last contractor was an established contractor from Frankfort who somehow got most of the bids for the capital. When asked to give his bid, he replied, “Nine thousand dollars.” When asked to break down his bid, he closed the doors, looked around cautiously, and then said, “Three thousand for you, three thousand for me, and we give the bid to the guy from Western Kentucky!”
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一個城裏的銀行家到一個顧客的農場來視察，他指著一個在田裏幹活兒的男子說，「他是你雇來幫忙的嗎？」農場的主人知道銀行很會給人起好聽的頭銜，就回答說，「不是的，他是我們負責管牛群的第一付總裁。」
A city banker inspecting a customer’s farm, pointed to a man in the farmyard and asked, “Is that the hired hand?” The farmer, aware that banks have a reputation for passing out impressive job titles, replied, “No, he’s the first vice president in charge of cows.”
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一位秘書走近渥太華分公司的老板：「老總，」她說道：「我們的文件多到沒有地方可以放了」，「你有什麽好辦法？」忙得不可開交的老板問。「我覺得我們應該把六年以前的來往信件都銷毀掉吧。」秘書回答說。老板非常謹慎地吩咐秘書：「可以啊，但是無論如何，一定要先復印一個備份。」
The head of one Ottawa bureau was approached by his secretary। “Sir,” she said, “our files are becoming overcrowded.” “What do you suggest we do?” asked the busy administrator. “I think we ought to destroy all correspondence more than six years old,” answered the secretary. “By all means,” the prudent bureaucrat responded, “go right ahead. But be sure to make copies.”
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陪審團：是12個決定那一個委託人有比較好的律師的人
Jury: 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
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要換一個電燈泡，需要多少個基督徒來做？
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
靈恩派：只需一支手，而且那支手已經伸在空中了
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air. 五旬節派：需十支手，一支手用來換燈泡，9支手用來禱告，驅除黑暗惡靈
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
長老會：不需要任何手，燈泡會按照神的預定論，按時開關
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
(羅馬)天主教：不需要任何手來換燈泡，只許用蠟燭
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
浸信會：至少需要15支手，一支手來換燈泡，要三個委員會來決議通過換燈泡的事，順便也要決定帶洋芋沙拉來的人選。
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
聖公會：需三支手，一支來叫電工，一支需去攪拌飲料，一支需要去辯解舊燈泡比新燈泡好得多。
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was. 摩門教：需五支手，一支去換燈泡，4個太太在旁邊指導他該怎麼換。
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
唯一神教派：我們對贊成要換燈泡或反對要換燈泡，選擇不發表言論，但是，在你個人的心路歷程中發現你需要換，你就可以換。你可以用換燈泡為主題，寫一首詩或跳一個現代舞，在下一個主日中發表，我們或許會發現幾種不同的燈泡傳統包括白熾燈，螢光燈，三用光度燈，耐用燈，色調燈，總括來說，都可以導致成為發光體。
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb.? However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
衛理公會：不能決定要幾支手，不管你的燈是亮，是暗，或許完全不亮了，你總是被愛的。你可以是一個燈泡，大蘿蔔頭，或鬱金香頭，全教會的燈光系統，都是為了主日來設備的，你可以帶你選的燈泡和罩子來。
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
拿撒勒人教會：一個女人去換燈泡，五個男人重新評估教會燈泡政策。
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. 路德教派：沒有需要，路德教派不相信「改變」
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
阿門宗派：什麼是燈
Amish: What’s a light bulb?
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