EDUCATION 教育
老師正以低沉單調的聲音在教室上課，當他注意到一個坐在後排的學生睡著了，
老師就向坐在那位睡覺學生旁邊的同學喊叫說，「嘿！把他叫醒！」
旁邊的同學喊叫回去，「你讓他睡著，你來叫醒他！」
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!”
The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
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老師：約瑟，你為什麼遲到？
約瑟：因為路上的一個標誌。
老師：這標誌和你的遲到有什麼關係？
約瑟：該標誌說，「學校就在前面，慢慢走！ 」
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
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我聽了會忘記。I hear and I forget.
我看了會了解。I see and I understand.
我做就會記住。I do and I remember.
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戴爾的知識圓錐論（由個人體驗而來的知識）戴爾認為：人通常的記憶有：他們所讀的能記憶的佔百分之十他們所聽的能記憶的佔百分之二十他們所看的能記憶的佔百分之三十他們看電視所能記憶的佔百分之五十他們所說或所寫的能記憶的佔百分之七十他們在做某件事所說的能記憶的佔百分之九十
Dale’s Cone of Experiences Cone of Experience
Edgar Dale:
People generally remember:
10% of what they read
20% of what they hear
30% of what they see
50% of what they hear and see – video
70% of what they say or write
90% of what they say as they do something
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有一天，一個父親和他的兒子去釣魚。在船上大約一個小時之後，男孩突然對他周圍的世界變得很好奇，於是他問父親：「這船如何能漂浮？」他的父親想了一下，就回答他：「兒子，我不太知道！」於是，男孩又再進到沉思中。然後，他再問父親：「魚如何能在水中呼吸？」父親再一次回答他：「兒子，我不太知道！」一會兒後，男孩再問父親：「天為甚麼是藍色？」同樣的，父親回答：「兒子，我不太知道！」男孩深恐打擾了父親，於是他說：「爸爸，你會介意我問你這些問題嗎？」「當然不會，兒子。若你不會發問，你將不會學到東西！」
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?” The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.” The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, “How do fish breathe underwater?” Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.” A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?” Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know, son.” Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?” “Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”
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ㄧ個成功的商業顧問，他所處理的事情，通常是公司規模比較小的領導階層問題。ㄧ個管理者他問：「你能敎我如何賺大錢嗎？」顧問回答說：「當然可以。」管理者接著問：「那我需要付多少代價呢？」顧問回答：「那是我的商業機密，我是依問題來收費的。」管理者問：「你是怎麼收費？」顧問回答：「ㄧ個問題ㄧ百美元。」管理者問：「那你提供的諮詢答案，如何向我證明這是有用的呢？」顧問回答：「當然，當你問第五個問題時你就能瞭解了。」
A prospering business consultant was approached by a downsized executive.
“Can you teach me how to make big money in consulting?” asked the executive.
“Absolutely,” said the consultant.
“How much will it cost me?”
“That’s my trade secret,” said the consultant, “I charge by the question.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred dollars per question.”
“Can you prove to me that charging by the question works?”
“Sure, but you realize that will be your fifth question” (Bits and Pieces 4/24/97)
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兩個哈佛大學的學生剛從學校畢業，他們在波士頓的城裏攔了一部計程車，一邊談一邊進到車裏去。聽了他們交談了幾分鐘後，計程車司機就問他們：「你們是哈佛大學的畢業生嗎？」
這兩個畢業生很驕傲的說：「是的，我們是 ‘94’年那屆的。」
計程車司機馬上伸手過去跟他們握手說：「 ‘58’年那屆的。」
Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were all excited and talking effusively as they got into a taxi in downtown Boston. After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked, “You men Harvard graduates?”
“Yes Sir! Class of ‘94!” they answered proudly.
The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hand, saying, “Class of ‘58.”
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一個年輕人第一天到超級市場上班，市場經理微笑地歡迎他，並熱烈的和他握手。之後，經理交給他一把掃帚，說：「你的第一個工作是打掃店內的裏外。」
這個年輕人很不高興的說：「你不知道我是一個大學畢業生嗎？」
「喔！對不起，我不知道你是大學畢業生。」經理說：「把掃帚給我，我教你怎麼掃。」
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom -- I’ll show you how.”
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羅斯福說：「未曾受過教育的惡人，只從鐵路的貨車裡偷一些貨物，受了教育的惡人，若他的心沒有改變，你給他的教育，會助他偷竊整條鐵路。」
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Quotes引證 :
It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts. John wooden sign
除非他從痛苦經歷中學習要不然他仍是一個愚昧人。(義大利諺語)
He who cannot learn except through bitter experiences remains a fool forever. Italian
平凡的老師只講述，好的老師會解釋，優秀的老師則親自示範，最棒的老師乃會啟發學生。(William Arthur Ward)
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. William Arthur Ward
訓練十個人比做十個人的工作好，但它是辛苦的。(Moody)
It is better to train ten people than to do the work of ten people. But it is harder. Moody.
心靈狹隘是一件可怕的事情。
A narrow mind is a terrible thing to use. Marshall Shelly
顧問是 「能掌握資訊的頭腦，有傾聽的耳，幫助人往對的方向前進。」
A mentor is “a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.” The Uncommon Individual Foundation
教育是能永遠觸摸到人的生命。
To teach is to touch a life forever.
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ELDERLY 長輩
一對老夫妻發現他們開始忘記在屋子裡的一些細小東西。他們擔心這種情況可能會有危險，因為其中一人可能會忘記關爐子而引起火災。因此，他們決定去看醫生得到一些幫助。他們的醫生告訴他們，許多在他們這個年齡的人發現把事情寫在小紙條上來作為提醒還滿有用的。
老夫婦認為這個建議聽起來很好，他們便很滿意地離開醫生的辦公室。當他們回到家裡，妻子說：「親愛的，請你去廚房給我拿一盤冰淇淋？為什麼你不寫下來，以免你忘記？」丈夫說「胡說！」，「我還記得一盤冰淇淋！」妻子說 「哦！」，「我還想加些草莓在上面。你最好寫下來，因為我知道你會忘記。」 丈夫回答 「不要愚蠢了」。「一盤冰淇淋和一些草莓。我可以記住的！」。「好吧，親愛的，但我希望你拌些奶油在上面。」現在你最好把它寫下來，要不然你會忘記「，妻子說。」得啦，我的記憶沒有那麼糟」，丈夫回答說。「沒問題 -- 一盤冰淇淋加草莓和拌些奶油。」於是，丈夫關上在他身後的廚房門。
妻子聽見她丈夫失控著處理鍋碗瓢盆，以及不是準備一盤冰淇淋，草莓和加奶油該有的聲音。約15分鐘後他從廚房出現，走到妻子面前，他拿給她一盤培根和雞蛋。妻子看著盤子，瞥一眼她的丈夫說：「嘿，吐司在哪裡？」
回覆問題，「何時表示一個女人老了？」一個著名的悲劇女演員寫著：「從不逞能，別不高興的太快，在適當的時候當智者。」
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders.
The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice. When they got home, the wife said, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!" "Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget." "Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!" "OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife. "Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem--a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him.
The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
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Answering the question, “When is a woman old?” a famous tragedienne wrote: “The conceited never; the unhappy too soon, and the wise at the right time.”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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一位老人聽到有一些藥丸能使他恢復年青。於是他買了一盒子，本來他應該每一天服用一粒，後來在睡覺前他一次把整盒藥丸都全部服用。第二天早上，他的家人花了九牛二虎之力把老人喚醒。最後，他搓著眼睛，抱怨地說「好吧，好吧，我會起床，但我不會上學去。 」
An old man heard about some pill that would restore his youth. He bought a box, but instead of taking one every day he swallowed the whole boxful one night before going to bed. The next morning his family had difficulty waking the old man. At last he rubbed his eyes. “All right, all right,” he grumbled, “I’ll get up, but I won’t go to school.”
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Golf
Golf is the midlife sport of choice for very different reasons......
First of all, it’s esier to reach your goals. In midlife, after all, it’s a snap to have a handicap below your age and a score below your weight. And getting easier all the time.
Golf is like midlife because only now do you realize that the course you have set upon is governed by rules so vast, so arcane, and so arbitrary that the average person -- you -- will never figure it all out.
Golf is like midlife because it is absolutely unfair. As a young person, you carry the illusion that, if you do your homework, study, and work overtime you’ll get it all right. By middle age, you know that every time you’ve got it all together -- work, family, putt, pitch -- some piece is about to unravel. I promise you.
Golf, like midlife, is played against only one opponent: yourself. By the time you reach 50, ou’d better figure out that doing well doesn’t depend on others doing badly. You don’t have to wish them ill. They’re not the reason you are shanking the ball.
Golf is like middle age, because -- ah, you knew this was coming -- in these years you really do have to play it as it lays. You don’t get to start everything all over again. The most you get is a mulligan. If it’s an unplayable lie, everybody sympathizes, but you still have to take a penalty. On the other hand, golf, like midlife, also offers another chance. No matter how badly you hit one ball, you can still recover on the next. Of course, no matter how well you hit one ball, you can always screw up on the next.
Finally, golf is like midlife because at some time on a beautiful October day, when you are searching for a ball, or for that matter your swing, you look around and realize for the first or 50th time that in this game, you’re the one keeping your own score.
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有一位長者徹底檢查身體後，返去覆診，醫生告訴他:「我有一個好消息和一個壞消息，你會喜歡先聽哪一個？」病人：嗯，先給我壞消息。 醫生：你得了癌症，我估計你會活兩年左右。 病人：這實在太可怕！兩年後我的生命將會消逝！你可還有比這更好消息可以訴我嗎？ 醫生：你也患上了老年癡呆症。大約3個月後，你將會忘記一切我告訴你的事。
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?”
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
Patient: That’s terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?
Doctor: You also have Alzheimer’s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
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有分別是九十二歲、九十四歲和九十五歲的三姊妹同住在一起。一天晚上，年紀最大的姊姊上樓洗澡。 當她的一隻腳踏進浴缸，而另一隻腳在浴缸外時，她對樓下的妹妹喊叫說，「我是要進浴缸去，還是要從浴缸中出來？」 九十四歲的妹妹決定上去了解一下她的情形，看看能否幫上忙。當她來到第三級樓梯時，她停下來，然後大聲喊叫，「我是要下樓，還是要上樓？」 九十二歲的妹妹正坐在廚房桌子前，她敲了桌子一下，心裡想：希望這樣倒霉的事不會發生在自己的身上，然後她說：「我希望不會跟我的姐組們一樣糟。剛才敲門的人是在正門，還是在後門敲？」
有分別是九十二歲、九十四歲和九十五歲的三姊妹同住在一起。一天晚上，年紀最大的姊姊上樓洗澡。 當她的一隻腳踏進浴缸，而另一隻腳在浴缸外時，她對樓下的妹妹喊叫說，「我是要進浴缸去，還是要從浴缸中出來？」 九十四歲的妹妹決定上去了解一下她的情形，看看能否幫上忙。當她來到第三級樓梯時，她停下來，然後大聲喊叫，「我是要下樓，還是要上樓？」 九十二歲的妹妹正坐在廚房桌子前，她敲了桌子一下，心裡想：希望這樣倒霉的事不會發生在自己的身上，然後她說：「我希望不會跟我的姐組們一樣糟。剛才敲門的人是在正門，還是在後門敲？」
There were 3 sisters living together 92, 94 and 95 yrs. old. The oldest went upstairs one evening to take a bath. As she was getting in the tub with one foot in and one foot out, she called down to her sisters, “Am I getting in the tub or am I getting out of the tub?” The 94 yr. old decided to go upstairs to see if she could help figure out the situation. She got to the 3rd step and stopped - then called out, “Was I going up the stairs or was I coming down the stairs?” The 92 yr. old, sitting at the kitchen table, thought she better knock on wood and as she knocked on the kitchen table she said, “I hope I never get as bad as my sisters. Now was that the front door or the back door?”
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瓊斯太太多年以來一直是當地教會的主要會友，這是為什麼最近大家留意到她的缺席。牧師決定在主日禮拜後順道拜訪她家去看一下是否有什麼狀況。他敲她的門，因她年近85歲，她花了一點到才來應門。「請位是誰？」她問道。「我是史密斯牧師」，她回答。「喔！ 請進，請進，主日禮拜如何？」她問。「很好，我只是想確定你禱告需求事項是否已被應允。」「哦！ 親愛的，我最近是不太舒服，但我變得越來越好了。」
就在這時，電話鈴響了，她致歉的接電話。牧師坐在附近的一張桌子，上面有一本舊的讀者文摘和一碗花生。經過 15分鐘，然後 20分鐘，他聽到他的胃嗥嗥叫，開始浮躁不安。他開始吃碗上的花生，並開始閱讀。45分鐘後，他突然意識到，他吃完了所有的花生。那時瓊斯太太回來，說：「哦，我很抱歉，那通電話是我妹妹從匹茲堡打來。她一個月打一次，所以每當她打來，我們都天南地北的聊一切事。」牧師有點不好意思地說：「我必須道歉，因為當你走後，我餓了，就吃完你小碗裡的所有花生。請原諒我。」
瓊斯太太回答說：「噢，那沒關係，沒有我的牙齒，我唯一能吃的就是吸吮其中的巧克力！」她說。
Mrs. Jones had been a staple of her local congregation for many years and that is why her absence was noticed lately. The pastor decided to drop by her house to check up on her after the Sunday service. He knocked on her door and being that she’s nearly 85 it took her a bit to get to the door. “Hello, who is it?” she asked.
“It’s Pastor Smith”, he answered.”OH Hi-Come in, Come in, how’s the ministry doing?” She said. “Very well, I just wanted to make sure your prayer needs are being met.” “Oh honey, I haven’t felt well lately but I’m getting better”
Just then the phone rang and she excused herself to get it. The pastor sat near a table with an old reader’s digest and a bowl of peanuts. After 15 minutes, then 20, he heard his stomach growl and began to get restless. He started in on the bowl of peanuts and began reading. After 45 minutes, he suddenly realized that he had eaten all of the peanuts. Right then Mrs. Jones returned and said, “Oh I sure am sorry, that was my sister from Pittsburgh. She only calls once per month so when she does we have to catch up on everything.” The pastor feeling a little embarrassed said “I must also apologize, for while you were gone I got hungry and ate all the peanuts in your little bowl there. Please, forgive me” he said.
Mrs. Jones replied, “Oh that’s ok, without my teeth, all I can do is just suck the chocolate off of them!” she says.
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一個八十歲的老人在高爾夫球場練球，可是被他那糟透的視力所影響。 他的擊球很好，但是他看不到球被打到甚麼地方去。 因此，他的醫生為他找來一個九十歲，但視力很好的老人陪伴他打球，好讓他沿途觀察球被打到哪裡去。 八十歲的老人擊中第一球時，便問他的同伴是否看到球落到甚麼地方去。「是……」九十歲的老人說。「它到底落到哪裡去了？」八十歲的老人追問。然後， 九十歲的老人回答說：「我忘記了！」
An eighty-year-old man’s golf game was hampered by poor eyesight. He could hit the ball well but he couldn’t see where it went. So his doctor teamed him up with a ninety-year-old man who had perfect eyesight and was willing to go along to serve as a spotter. The eighty-year-old man hit the first ball and asked his companion if he saw where it landed. “Yep,” said the ninety-year-old. “Where did it go?” the eighty-year-old demanded. The ninety-year old replied, “I don’t remember.”
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有一對年長的夫妻，她的太太要求他先生說：「親愛的，我想要吃ㄧ點甜的東西，能不能麻煩你到街角的商店幫我買一個甜筒冰淇淋，好嗎？我要阿月渾子果實口味的冰淇淋，而且上面要灑些巧克力碎片。」，她的丈夫就喃喃自語的重複說：「冰淇淋圓筒，阿月渾子果實口味的，還有巧克力碎片。」，就出門去商店買了，幾分鐘之後，他帶了一隻熱狗回來，她的太太就很不高興的瞪著他說：「那是什麼？」她先生就回答說：「怎麼了？有什麼問題嗎？」，他太太接著說：「我告訴你！我要的是上面灑著有芥茉碎片的冰淇淋！（氣呼呼地）」
There was an elderly couple, and the wife asked her husband, “Darling, I feel like having something really sweet. Could you please go to the corner store and bring me an icecream cone? I would like pistachio icecream, with a chocolate chip topping.” The husband repeated, mumbling to himself, “Icecream cone, pistachio, chocolate chips” and went off to the store. After a few minutes, he returned with a hot dog. The wife looked at him, upset, and asked “What’s that?!” The husband asked, “Why, is there anything wrong?” The wife said, “I told you, I wanted mustard on top!”
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4歲時，成功是不尿濕褲子。
12歲時，成功是擁有朋友。
16歲時，成功是考取駕駛執照。
20歲時，成功是獲得性經驗。
35歲時，成功是能賺錢。
40歲時，成功是找到生活的意義與目的。
45歲時，成功是找到生活的意義與目的。
50歲時，成功是能賺錢。
60歲時，成功是重享性生活。
70歲時，成功是再考取駕駛執照。
75歲時，成功是擁有朋友。
80歲時，成功是不尿濕褲子。
At age 4, success is…not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is…having friends.
At age 16, success is…having a driver’s license.
At age 20, success is…having sex.
At age 35, success is…having money.
At age 40, success is…finding meaning & purpose to life.
At age 45, success is…finding meaning & purpose to life.
At age 50, success is…having money.
At age 60, success is…having sex.
At age 70, success is…having a driver’s license.
At age 75, success is…having friends.
At age 80, success is…not peeing in your pants.
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一個年長，並患有嚴重風濕性關節炎的女士，正使用拐杖痛苦地、蹣跚地上教堂去。對她來說，這是一個痛苦、嚴酷的考驗；有人問她：在這種情況之下，她為何仍要參與各種事奉。 她答案是「我的心首先到達那裡，而我的腿卻是緊緊的跟隨在後。」
An elderly lady, dreadfully crippled with arthritis, used to hobble painfully to church on two crutches. It was an agonizing ordeal for her, and someone asked her how she managed to be at every service. Her answer was, “My heart gets there first, and my legs just follow after.”
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恩典性的衰老米奇老鼠的太太買了一套可以是她年輕的新系列昂貴化妝品。在梳妝臺面前使用這富奇跡性的化妝品一段很長的時間后，她問：「達玲，老實說，您認爲我是什麽嵗數？」仔細地看着她后，米奇老鼠答道：「從您皮膚的判斷是二十嵗；從您的頭髮是十八嵗，而從您的身材看是二十五嵗。」「噢，您是奉承我！」她不由而說出。「嘿，等等！」米奇老鼠打斷她的話説：「我還沒有把這些嵗數加起來。」
Mickey’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?” Looking over her carefully, Mickey replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five.” “Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed. “Hey, wait a minute!” Mickey interrupted. “I haven’t added them up yet.”
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一位老太太走進家庭醫生的辦公室，坦承一件令她尷尬的事：「我常常放屁，約翰孫醫生，既沒有聲音也沒有氣味。實際上就在進來你辦公室的這麽一會兒，我大約放了二十幾個屁。我該怎麽辦呢？」
「這是處方，貝克女士，服這些藥丸每日三次每次一粒七天后再來找我。」
過了一個星期，貝克女士有點生氣地問醫生：「醫生，這是什麽葯？，我的問題越來越嚴重了！我還像以前一樣放屁，還是沒聲，但現在是臭極了。這算怎麽囘事？」
「別緊張，貝克女士，」醫生平靜地說，「現在你的嗅覺治好了，下來我們來治你的聽覺。」
An old lady came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem: “I pass gas all the time, Doctor Johnson, but it’s soundless, and without odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve passed gas no less than twenty times. What can I do?”
“Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Barker. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week.”
The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr. Johnson’s office: “Doc, I don’t know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I’m passing gas just as much, and they’re still soundless, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Calm down, Mrs. Barker,” said the doctor soothingly. “Now that we’ve fixed your sinuses, we’ll work on your hearing.”
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一群住在弗羅里達的老年居民，一起圍坐著談論他們的疾病：『我的手臂非常虛弱，讓我很難拿好這杯咖啡』
其中一個說著，『對阿，我可以瞭解，我的白內障很嚴重，我甚至不能看到我的咖啡』
另一個回答說，『我不能轉動我的頭，因為我的脖子有關節炎』
第三個說著，其他 人虛弱點著頭表示同意，『我的高血壓藥片要使我頭昏眼花』
另一個繼續說……，『我想這就是我們的年紀漸長的代價』一個老人臉部抽蓄地搖著頭。
然後，一片短暫的寧靜……『恩，事情沒那麼糟啦！』一個婦人笑笑地說……『感謝神，我們都還可以開車』
A group of Florida senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
“My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee,” said one.
“Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.
“I can’t turn my head because of the art hritis in my neck,” said a third to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
“My blood pressure pills make my dizzy,” ...another went on...”I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence...
“Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully ---
“Thank God we can still drive!”
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有個法國人，在五十歲生日那一天，覺得自己就將老去，心裏極為消沉。有人就請雨果去安慰安慰他。雨果對他說：「我的朋友，你該高興，你已經活過四十歲了，那是青年時期中的老年。現在你活到了五十歲，那是老年時期的青年。」 韓愈說：「吾年未四十而髮蒼蒼，齒牙搖動。」
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當神創造驢子的時候，神告訴驢子：「你得勞碌終日，你要馱負重物、吃草得活，你智商不高但可以活到五十歲」 o驢子回答說：「我願意做一隻驢子，但活五十年對我而言是太長了一些，我只要二十年」，結果神就照他的要求應許他o神又創造了狗並且對牠說：「你要替人類看守房舍，你並要做他們最好的朋友。不論人類給你什麼，你都吃的津津有味，你可以活到二十五歲」 o狗回答說：「二十五年的壽命太長了，我只要活十年」o神也答應了他。神也創造了猴子並告訴他說：「你要從這棵樹盪到那棵樹，你要做些滑稽的動作討人的歡笑，你可以活到二十歲」。猴子回答神說：「二十年太多了，我只要十年」o神也同意了。最後神創造了人類並對他說：「你是人，是這地球上唯一有理性的動物，你有智慧管理其他動物你要掌管全地並且活到二十年」。結果人回答說：「我既然是人，二十年是不夠的。好不好你將驢子所不要的三十年、狗不要的十五年，以及猴子不要的十年都給我？」神說：「好啊！就這樣辦！你的前二十年活得人模人樣，但成年之後接下來的三十年會累的像驢子一樣，肩上常有一大堆工作的壓力。再下來的十五年你的孩子長大離家，你要像狗一樣地看守房子，有什麼吃什麼。然後你年屆退休，最後有十年的時間像猴子從一樹盪到另一樹一樣，你要輪流在你孩子的家裡作客，做些滑稽的事討你孫兒的歡心」。
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澳大利亞一家療養院貼有一張健康提示：「如果不注意鍛鍊身體,那麼人一旦過了50 歲,身體就一年不如一年；過了60歲,則是一個月不如一個月；過了70 歲,則是一周不如一周；到了80歲,是一天不如一天；上了90歲的人可能就會一小時不如一小時。
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Quotes引證 :
我說我到了五十個年就退休，但現在我不相信我必須退休除非必要的。我從來未曾想過我可以活著沒有它，但我知道有一天我將會有不同的工作。
I said I'd stop at 50 but now I don't believe in retiring unless you have to. I never have days where I think I can live without it. But I know some day I will do something different. Arsene Wenger
其餘的動物退休後如何？假如一隻獅子今天退休，明天牠將成為其它獅子的早餐。
What other animal retires? If a lion retires today, tomorrow morning he becomes his brother's breakfast. Michael Roberts
May God bless you with many more of these 3-years to come! Or 5-years, or longer. But we just have a small number of years to play with. Michael
年老猶如一艘遇難船。
Old age is a shipwreck. Charles de Gaulle
人生像一個羅網，你完全無意識的往裡面遊走。
Old age is like a trap that you wander into completely unaware. Francois De La Rochefoucauld
人生四種過程：奶水瓶，可樂瓶，啤酒瓶和點滴瓶。
4 stages of life: baby bottle, coke bottle, beer bottle and sodium chloride intravenous liquid
二十歲意志佔優勢，三十歲是智慧，四十歲則是判斷力。
At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment. Benjamin Franklin
進展。他從辦公室事務的手續退休下來，轉而在家做健康事務的手續。
Progress. He retired from doing business paperwork at the office to doing health paperwork at home. Cecil Baxter.
當你失掉對事情的好奇心時，代表你知道你已經老了。
You know you’re old when you’ve lost all your marvels.
年齡意識是超越物質的。若你不介意，根本無關痛癢。
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
They say I’m too old. I’m old, but I’m not cold. Linford Christie, 100m gold medalist.
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ESCHATOLOGY 末世論
當聖方濟在花園裡鋤草，有人問他說：「在日落前，如果你死了，你會做什麼 ？」「我會完成鋤我的花園，」 他回答：「我會鋤完我花園裡的草」。
St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden when someone asked what would he do if he were to learn that he would die before sunset. “I would finish hoeing my garden,” he replied. (Bits and Pieces, 9/11/97)
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Quotes引證 :
生命是不確定的，先吃甜點吧。
Life is uncertain, eat dessert first.
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EXCELLENCE 優等
父親不太滿意撒母耳從學校帶回來的成績單，父親就問：「你是怎麼ㄧ回事，你一月的成績比去年十二月的成績還要差」，撒母耳臨到這樣窘況，以一種很受委屈的口吻對父親說：「為什麼？爸爸，你難道不知道，每ㄧ件事情在假期過後，效果總是會降低嗎？」。
Dad was not greatly pleased by the school report brought to him by his hopeful.
“How is it?” he demanded, “that you stand so much lower in your studies for the month of January than for December?”
Samuel was equal to the emergency. “Why, dad,” said he, in an injured tone, “don’t you know that everything is marked down after the holidays?” (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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在一個完美的世界，人將會感覺五士歲和十七歲的年齡狀況ㄧ樣好，實際上五十歲會被認為像十七歲一樣的靈活。在一個完美的世界，你沒有懷孕，你就不能得到免費的嬰兒床。在一個完美的世界，職業棒球選手會向百萬合約的教練抱怨。在一個完美的世界，郵件總是會提早到，支票總是可以放在郵件裡面，郵件總是會比你所期待的更多。在一個完美的世界，洋竽片或許有卡路里，但是你用手掐起來吃卡路里就可以抵消。在一個完美的世界，至少對每ㄧ個人來說，一個輕輕關門的孩子總是會被告誡地說，「走回去，用力把門關上」。
In a Perfect World a person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17, and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17.
In a Perfect World you could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant.
In a Perfect World pro baseball players would complain about teachers being paid contracts worth millions of dollars.
In a Perfect World the mail would always be early, the check would always be in the mail, and it would be written for more than you expected.
In a Perfect World potato chips might have calories, but if you ate them with dip, the calories would be neutralized.
In a Perfect World every once in a while at least, a kid who always closed the door softly would be told, “Go back and slam the door.”
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一位大師想從兩位徒弟中選擇一個做衣缽傳人。一天，大師吩咐徒弟說你們出去給我撿一片最完美的樹葉回來。兩個徒弟遵命而去，不久，大徒弟回來了，遞給師傅一片看來並不太漂亮的樹葉，他對師傅說：這片樹葉雖然不完美，但他是我看到最完整的樹葉。第二個徒弟在外面轉了半天，最終卻空手而歸，他對師傅說：我見到了很多很多的樹葉，但怎樣挑也挑不出一片最完美的。最後大師把衣缽傳給了大徒弟，因為他懂得做人的道理，每一個人都不完美，可是該有優點、有缺點，才是一個完整的人。
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艾森豪總統曾向 National Press俱樂部的聽眾說他不是一個偉大的演說家.他曾說：「我記得作孩童時在堪薩斯州農場發生的事，一位老農夫有一頭牛我們想向他購買，我們去探訪這個農夫問他關於這頭牛的生產能力。這農夫不知道何謂生產力，所以我們改問他關於這頭牛的牛油產量，他也不知所云，最後我們問他這牛每一年能產生若干磅牛奶。
農夫說:「我不知道產重，但牠是一頭誠實的牛，牠會將所有的全部牛奶給你，
總統說:「我像這頭牛我會付出一切所有的給你。
President Eisenhower once admitted to the National Press Club audience that he was not a great speaker.
He once said: It reminds me of my boyhood days on a Kansas farm. An old farmer had a cow that we wanted to buy. We went over to visit the farmer and asked him about the cow’s pedigree.
The old farmer didn’t know what pedigree meant, so we asked him about the cow’s butterfat production, He told us he didn’t have any idea what it was. Finally we asked him if he knew how many pounds of milk the cow produced each year.
The farmer said,’ I don’t know. But she’s an honest cow, and she’ll give you all the milk she has.’”
He said, “I’m like the cow, I’ll give you everything I have.”
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古時候，有位日本畫家，名叫賀庫塞，他的作品極受皇族的喜愛。有一天，
一位貴族請他為一隻珍貴的鳥作畫。他把鳥留下來，賀庫塞請他過一個禮拜再回來。貴族很想念他那美麗的鳥，所以一個禮拜之後，迫不及待地回到畫室，要取回他的寵物和畫。但是，當貴族到達的時候，畫家謙卑地要求再延兩個禮拜。兩個禮拜延長到兩個月，接著，變成了六個月。一年之後，貴族氣沖沖地衝進賀庫塞的畫室，拒絕再等下去，要求立刻取回鳥和畫。賀庫塞向貴族行日本禮鞠躬之後，便轉向他作畫的桌子，拿起一支畫筆和一大張宣紙，當場揮毫起來。幾分鐘之內，他輕而易舉地畫了一隻一模一樣、栩栩如生的鳥。貴族看得目瞪口呆，但他立刻就生氣了。「如果你能夠這樣不費工夫，用這麼短的時問就能畫好，為什麼讓我等了一年呢？」「這你就不懂了。」賀庫塞說罷，便領著貴族走進一個房間，在那兒，四壁貼滿了同一隻鳥的畫。然而，沒有一張能媲美最後的傑作。我們的生命畫布也是如此，我們要在人格土培養出珍貴長存的品德，並不是一蹴而就的。世上絕沒有速成的傑作。
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記者訪問銀行行長，請他講出成功祕訣。
「四個字。」，
「哪四個字？」
「正確決策。」
「怎樣才能作出正確決策？」
「兩個字。」
「哪兩個字？」
「經驗。」
「如何獲得經驗？」
「四個字。」
「哪四個字？」
「錯誤決策。」
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Quotes引證 :
畫畫的人用她的手去畫。藝術家用她的手和她的心思去畫。大師卻用她的手，她的心思及她心靈的觸覺去畫。A painter paints with her hand. An artist paints with her hand and her mind. A master paints with her hand and her mind through her heart.
偉大的思想能達到目的，其他的只有願望。
Great minds have purposes; others have wishes. Washington Irving
專業人士就是當不喜歡時, 仍會做他的工作。業餘愛好者就只會在喜歡時, 才做他的工作。
Professionals are people who can do their job when they don’t feel like it. Amateurs are people who can’t do their job when they feel like it.
不會與比你差的人爭，只會與比你好的人爭。
You don’t compete with people lesser than you are, only the better ones. David Liu
一個好的射手並不在意他的箭，只專注他的目標。
A good archer is not known by his arrows, but his aim.
廚師不知道正餐前開胃食品。
A chef is not known by his appetizers.
質量永不會帶來意外的發現，一般都會導致高品質的成果，只有真誠的努力，智力的發揮和熟練的執行，才會帶來許多明智的選擇方案。
Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives. William A. Foster
別人不會在意你做得多快，卻記得你做得多好。
People forget how fast you did a job, but they remember how well you did it. Robert N. Newton
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