Search This Blog


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Ability 才幹,Action 行動,Adversary 敵人,Adversity 患難

Ivy李先生是一位時間管理顧問 ,他應伯利恆鋼鐵公司的董事Charles Schwab查理士先生所召見,請教他如何更好的管理他的時間,李先生告訴他將明天要做的六樣最重要的事按優先次序排列寫下。



Ivy Lee, a management consultant, was called in by Charles Schwab, chairman of Bethleham steel company, to give him advice on how to better manage his time.

Lee told him to write down every evening the 6 most important things he had to do the next day and to list them in the order of importance.

Schwab asked Lee how much he wanted for this advice and Lee said, Use the plan for several months and send me a check for how much you think it is worth.

Eventually Lee received a check for $ 25,000.00—not a bad sum sixty years ago.


Quotes引證 :
I used to have a handle on life... then it broke. Anonymous

Always remembers you’re unique, just like everyone else. Anonymous

A talent is a terrible thing to waste. Stuart Briscoe


「你丈夫在家嗎?」 他問來應門的妻子。
她回答:「請進」 ,「我丈夫會見你」

A Quaker had gotten himself into trouble with the authorities and the sheriff called to escort him to the lock-up.

“Is your husband in?” he inquired of the good wife who came to the door.

“My husband will see thee,” she replied. “Come in.”

The sheriff entered, was bidden to make himself at home, and was hospitably entertained for half an hour, but no husband appeared. At last the sheriff grew impatient.

“Look here,” said he, “I thought you said your husband would see me.”

“He has seen thee,” was the calm reply, “but he did not like thy looks and has gone another way.” (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)


Earl Nightingale tells the story of a professor who asked a group of college educators to boil down into a brief statement of all the books every written on how to motivate people. After a long discussion they came up with the following statement which says it all:
What the mind attends to, it considers; what it does not attend to, it dismisses. What the mind attends to continually, it believes; and what the mind believes it eventually does.


To look is one thing, to see what you look at is another, to understand what you see is a third, to learn from what you understand is still something else, but to act on what you learn is all that really matters!


Quotes引證 :
Remember, the rooster only crows; it is the hen that delivers the egg. Texas saying

It is easy to sit up and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action.

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way; if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. Unknown.

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do. Andrew Carnegie



Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, “Are we venomous?”
The other replies, “Yes, why?...”
“I just bit my lip.”

(從聖經事實# 914的插圖)

A man bought a field next to a farmer who had been engaged in a longstanding dispute with the former owner about the exact boundary line between this field and his own property. When the new owner saw the farmer near the fence one day, he greeted him with the words, “I’m your new neighbor; and I would like to talk to you about the boundary line between our properties.” The farmer assumed a belligerent attitude and said, “What about it?” “How much of this field do you claim as belonging to you?” asked the new owner who was a Christian. “I claim that your fence is a good two feet over on my property,” replied the farmer. “Well, then, I want you to reset the fence four feet back on my side,” said the Christian. This completely took the fight out of the farmer and was the beginning of a new spirit of concession on his part also. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 914)


Two little children, a boy and a girl, who played together a great deal, received Christ and were converted. One day the boy came to his mother and said, “Mother, I know that Emma is a Christian.” “What makes you think so, dear?” “Because she plays like a Christian. If you take everything she’s got, she doesn’t get mad. Before, she was selfish, and if she didn’t have everything her own way she would say, ‘I won’t play with you; you are a mean little boy.’” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 916)


Many Christians are like the woman who had been bitten by a dog and was advised by her physician to write her last wishes, as she might succumb to hydrophobia. She spent so long with pencil and paper that the doctor finally remarked something about how long the will would be. “Will!” she snorted. “I’m writing a list of the people I’m going to bite!” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 886)


There is an old legend that tells of Hercules encountering a strange animal on a narrow road. He struck it with his club and passed. Soon the animal overtook him, now three times as large as before. Hercules struck it fast and furiously, but the more he clubbed the beast, the larger it grew. Then Pallas appeared to Hercules and warned him to stop. “The monster’s name is Strife,” he said. “Let it alone and it will soon become as little as at first.” This is valuable advice for those of us Christians who engage in counterblows, thinking that only thus can we stop the blows. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 751)




English evangelist George Whitefield (1714-1770) learned that it was more important to please God than to please men. Knowing that he was doing what was honoring to the Lord kept him from discouragement when he was falsely accused by his enemies. At one point in his ministry, Whitefield received a vicious letter accusing him of wrongdoing.

His reply was brief and courteous: “I thank you heartily for your letter. As for what you and my other enemies are saying against me, I know worse things about myself than you will ever say about me. With love in Christ, George Whitefield.”

He didn’t try to defend himself. He was much more concerned about pleasing the Lord.

Our Daily Bread, August 18, 1992

When the kings of Siam wanted to ruin a man in their kingdom they would present him with a white elephant. The unfortunate man couldn’t get rid of the elephant for it was “sacred,” and it was a gift from the king- and then the expense of keeping the useless thing soon put him in the bread line. (7,700 Illustrations #7533)

一位美國遊客在抵達愛爾蘭後漫步城市,享受景點和面帶微笑的漂亮女孩。突然,在一條僻靜的街道,一兇惡男子跳出黑暗的小巷,揮舞著一支槍。槍手問:」你是何宗教?」遊客想:「糟了!」「如果我說我是天主教的與他是新教的,他必會轟掉我的頭了!但是如果我說我天主教,那麼我也一樣死! 」突然,他有靈感地答: 「我是猶太人!」槍手絕望地大聲說:「你不要說話!」感到驚訝的恐怖份子大叫道:「我一定是在全愛爾蘭最幸運的阿拉伯人了。 」

An American tourist arriving in Ireland took a stroll through the city, enjoying the sights and smiling at the pretty girls. Suddenly, on one the city’s less frequented streets, a fierce-looking man jumped out of a dark alley, brandishing a gun. “What’s your religion?” demanded the gunman. “Omigosh!” thought the tourist. “If I say I’m Catholic and he’s a Protestant, he’ll blow my head off! But if I say I’m Catholic, then I’m also as good as dead!” Suddenly he was seized with an inspired idea. “I’m Jewish!” he cried out in desperation. “You don’t say!” exclaimed the surprised terrorist. “I must be the luckiest Arab in all of Ireland.”

Mahmoud Ahmedinijad, Iran’s latest President, called George W. Bush on the phone late one night.
“I’ve had a remarkable dream, Mr. Bush”, he said, “and it’s something you should know about.”
“Well Mr. Mindinajar, what was your dream all about?”, queried the President.
“I dreamed that the USA had gone through an enlightening reformation”, he said, “and in front of every house was a huge banner.”
“That’s intriguing, Mr. Mindinajar. Tell me, what did it say on these banners?”, asked Bush.
“They all said the same thing: Allah is God, Allah is great”, stated Mahmoud, as if he could taste victory.
“It’s quite odd that you should call me about a dream, as I had one the other night as well”, said Bush.
“And what was your dream about, Mr Bush?
“I dreamed that Iran had gone through a reformation as well, and on every house was a flagpole.”
“So, what was on the flags?”, asked the Iranian.
“I have no idea”, said Bush, “I can’t read Hebrew.”


Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: “You will die on a Jewish holiday.”
“Which one?’” Arafat asks nervously.
“It doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it’ll be a Jewish holiday.”






A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

“How are we faring?” asks the king.

“Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.”

“What?!?” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!”

“Oh,” says the knight. “Well, you do now.”










A man calls his lawyer. The lawyer's secretary picks up the phone and explains that the lawyer is dead. The man hangs up. The next day, the man calls his lawyer again. Again the secretary explains that the lawyer is dead. The man hangs up. The following day, the man calls his lawyer yet again. This time the secretary gets angry and says, “Look, I've told you twice already. Your lawyer is dead. Why do you keep calling?” “I just like to hear it,” responded the caller.

Quotes引證 :
I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I have ever met! Dwight L. Moody

The mark of community--true biblical unity--is not the absence of conflict but the presence of a reconciling spirit. Bill Hybels

An association of men who will not quarrel with one another is a thing which never yet existed, from the greatest confederacy of nations down to a town meeting or a vestry. Thomas Jefferson

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

You get more bees with honey.


The (chronic) pain affected the quality of sleep of respondents, with 40 percent giving a six, meaning they have difficulty falling asleep, while 3 percent said they could not sleep at all.
Around 40 percent said the pain has persisted for 10 years or more, with 10 percent suffering for 20 years. The longest is 50 years. Over a third said their social life and daily activities have been intensely affected, while a few reported being put off daily activities by the pain.
Twenty-four percent said they have lost or changed jobs, while an overwhelming 60 percent said they are depressed and distressed by their situation. But 41 percent said they do not go for regular medical consultations while 56 percent said they do so only in public hospitals.

Americans appear to actually thrive on adversity, according to a study published this week that reached the conclusion after researching the nation's biggest economic downturn. This sculpture at the FDR Memorial in Washington depicts men waiting in a Great Depression bread line. Life expectancy during the peak years of the Great Depression increased 6.2 years -- from 57.1 years in 1929 to 63.3 years in 1933 -- according to University of Michigan researchers Jose A. Tapia Granados and Ana Diez Roux. The increase applied to men and women, whites and non-whites. "Study points to benefits from Great Depression"

It is widely accepted that approximately 5.7 million of Europe's 7.3 million Jews perished during the war. In total, historians say, between 11 million and 17 million people were killed by the Nazi regime, including religious and political opponents, ethnic Poles, Romani, Jehovah's Witnesses, Soviet civilians and prisoners of war, homosexuals and people with disabilities. Harvard Crimson says Holocaust denial ad published by accident


A girl was asked what forgiveness is. She gave the following beautiful answer: “It is the odor the flowers give off when they are trampled upon.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 253)


A missionary society was deeply impressed by the courageous devotion of David Livingstone who worked single-handedly for God in Africa. The society wrote to Livingstone: “Have you found a good road to where you are? If so, we want to send other men to join you.” Livingstone replied, “If you have men who will come only if there is a good road, I don't want them. I want men who will come if there is no road at all.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 116)

British soldier Phil Packer was told a year ago that he would never walk again. His lower spine was badly injured in the aftermath of a rocket attack on his base in Basra , Iraq , in February 2008. The attack sent a vehicle rolling down a sand bank, striking Packer "head on" and dragging him under it. The 36-year-old was left with no feeling or motor control in his legs, and no bladder or bowel control. Packer was in hospital for more than four months and it was then he decided to complete three challenges to help raise £1 million ($1.5 million) for Help for Heroes, a British charity supporting wounded veterans.

A year later, he rowed the English Channel.15 months later, Maj. Phil Packer finished the London Marathon, completing the race 13 days after it started, walking on crutches for two miles a day -- the most his doctor would allow -- in order to raise money for charity.
Next month he plans to climb El Capitan -- one of America 's iconic mountaineering sites -- a 3,000-foot vertical rock formation in California .
Man who wouldn't walk again finishes marathon,” CNN May 9, 2009


Many people fleeing fire would save photos first, poll finds
Los Angeles Times, May 3, 2009

If your house were burning down and you could take only one thing with you, what would it be?

A poll commissioned by insurer Chubb Corp. found that nearly half would grab a family photo album, while a fifth would reach for money. The phone survey of 1,000 Americans, conducted by Opinion Research Corp., found that 13% would take a laptop, 7% would bring their pet and 2% would pack their jewelry.

Seadog back from dead
Tuesday, April 07, 2009


A pet dog that fell overboard in rough seas off Australia has been reunited with its owners after surviving alone on an island for four months.
Sophie Tucker, named after a US entertainer, was thrown overboard as Jan Griffith and her family sailed through choppy waters off Queensland in November.
The dog was believed to have drowned and Griffith said the family was devastated.
In fact, the Australian cattle dog was swimming doggedly and made it to St Bees Island, eight kilometers away, where she survived by eating goats.
She was returned to her family when Griffith contacted rangers in the faint hope a dog they had captured might be their pet. AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE


Benjamin Franklin once said, “The sentence which has most influenced my life is, 'Some persons grumble because God placed thorns among roses. Why not thank God because He placed roses among thorns?' (from Illustrations of Bible Truths)

“他幾乎失明!” 憤怒的英國人說。

A widely known Highland drover sold a horse to an Englishman.

A few days afterward the buyer returned to him.

“You said that horse had no faults.”

“Well, no mair had he.”

“He’s nearly blind!” said the indignant Englishman.

“Why, mon, that’s no’ his fau’t that’s his misfortune.”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)

Various behaviors increase the risk of a driver being in a crash or near-crash:
Activity/Times it increases risk
Reaching for a moving object, such as an item falling - 9
Looking at an external object, other than roadway - 3.7
Reading - 3.4
Applying makeup - 3
Dialing a handheld cellphone - 2.8
The report by the NHTSA and Virginia Tech’s Transportation Institute said nearly 80% of crashes and near-crashes involve driver inattention up to three seconds before the incident.
Sources: National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and Virginia Tech Transportation Institute

一位很有智慧的女人有一次被問道:「在你的生命中,是什麼幫助你勝過大困難? 」這女人回答說,「是其它的困難。」

A wise woman was once asked, “What has helped you overcome the great obstacles of life?”

“The other obstacles,” she replied. Bits and Pieces 3/27/97


No one showed any compassion for the poor man as he went from house to house begging for a crust of bread. Many a door was slammed in his face and he was turned away with insults. Therefore he grew despondent.

One wintry day, as he was trudging through the slippery streets, he fell and broke his leg. Thereupon they took him to a hospital.

When the people of the town heard that a poor stranger had been taken to the hospital suffering from a broken leg, they began to feel very sorry for him. Some went to comfort him, others brought him good things to eat. When he left the hospital they furnished him with warm clothes and gave him a tidy sum of money.

Before the poor man left town he wrote to his wife, “Praise God, dear wife! A miracle happened: I broke a leg!”

從前有一位富翁請了一個管家, 這管家每天要為主人到屋外很遠的地方去打井水。管家用的是兩只水桶, 其中一只水桶完美無缺,另一只水桶則有一條小裂縫, 因此每次即使管家把兩個水桶盛滿,回到主人家也只得到一桶半的水。
那有缺陷的水桶過了一段時間,悶悶不樂, 於是對管家說:「我感到非常不快樂,因為每天你打的水都是從我身上漏掉一半,要不是你遭主人責備,便是要你多走幾趟,我這樣無用,為什麼你還要用我?」
管家於是在下次去挑水時請有缺陷的水桶看看,原來在路邊長滿漂亮的鮮花,許多時候, 管家都會采擷這些鮮花去點綴一下主人的房間令主人高興。
管家告訴水桶,就是因為見到它的問題,於是在路旁撒下些花種, 以後路旁便長滿漂亮的鮮花。


The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island। He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger.
“God, how could you do this to me!” he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.
“How did you know I was here?” asked the weary man of his rescuers.
“We saw your smoke signal,” they replied.





A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter’s report card.

The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red ‘A’ under the subject of Math.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. “Was it the nuns that did it?” the father asked. The boy shook his head and said “No.” “Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?” “No.” “The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?” “No”, said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!”


A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a person. Kites rise against, not with the wind.




Quotes引證 :
A lot of people, certainly myself included, show shocking intelligence when things are going well. Then you discover that intelligence was 75 per cent phoney when the world goes to hell. Tom Peters, 5/2/09

Troubles are like babies. They grow only when you nurse them.

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.

When the tide goes out we get to see who is not wearing a bathing suit. Warren Buffet

You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can control what
happens in you.

What happens to you speaks of your circumstances.
What happens in you speaks of your character.
What happens through you speaks of your charisma.

Falling is easier than rising. Irish

My worst day in office was better than my father’s best day. Alberto Gonzales

If you want a rainbow you have to put up with the rain.

There are two times I feel stress--day and night. Anonymous

The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train. Anonymous

The block of granite that is an obstacle in the path of the weak becomes a stepping stone in the path of the strong. Thomas Carlyle

God promises a safe passage, not a clam passage.

Wise are they who have learned these truths - Trouble is Temporary, Time is a Tonic, Tribulation is a Test Tube. W.A.Ward

Some people change their ways when they see the light; others when they feel the heat. Caroline Schoeder

Never attempt to bear more than one kind of trouble at once. Some people bear three kinds - all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.

Life is the only school where you take the test first, then learn the lesson.

We can stand affliction better than we can prosperity, for in prosperity we forget God. Dwight L. Moody

Strength and courage aren’t always measured in medals and victories. They are measured in the struggles we overcome. The strongest people aren’t always the people who win but the people who don’t give up when they lose.

Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have you job.

All the world will beat the man whom fortune buffets. Portuguese proverb

It is easier to stay out of trouble than to get out of trouble. Live and Learn

The worst pain is watching someone else in pain. Live and Learn

A diamond is just a piece of coal that made good under pressure.

Name one commodity where supply always exceeds demand. Trouble (Betsy Devine and Joel E. Cohen) Bits and Pieces 3/27/97

Adversity is often the mother of invention.

Winners are like tea bags. You never see their true strength until they’re in hot water.

Alertness 儆醒,Anger 憤怒,Attitude 態度,Authenticity 真實

「現在,哈樂」教師問:「若這裡有十一隻羊在田裡,有六隻跳出了圍欄,郡還有多少隻留下呢?」,哈樂回答:「一隻也沒有」老師回答說:「為什麼!那裡還有啊!」 「不是!嗯…那裡沒有羊的了,」他堅持的說:「妳對數學很有認識,但妳絕對不認識羊呢…」。(更多的吐司,格杜達‧史丹)

“Now, Harold,” said the teacher, “if there were eleven sheep in a field and six jumped the fence how many would there be left?”

“None,” replied Harold.

“Why, but there would,” said she.

“No, ma’am, there wouldn’t,” persisted he. “You may know arithmetic, but you don’t know sheep.”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)

未上鎖的入口- 4%
地下室- 4%
車庫- 9%
前門- 34%

Breaking in:
Most common places that burglars enter homes
Storage homes – 2%,
2nd floor – 2%,
Unlocked entrance – 4
Basement – 4
Garage – 9
Back door – 22
1st floor window – 23
Front door – 34%
Source: National Burglar and Fire Alarm Asso. USA Today 5/23/07

Dale Carnegie述說一個關於兩位伐木工人的故事,甲君整天勞苦工作,除了中午用餐稍息沒有沒有一刻休息.乙君一天中休息了好幾次,午餐後小睡了片刻.再工作。
乙回答說:「你有沒有注意到?當我坐下來的我總是磨利伐木的斧頭. 」


Quotes引證 :

Do not believe everything you hear
Do not judge everything you see
Do not do everything you can
Do not give everything you have
Do not say everything you know. Saint Bernard




A father wanted to illustrate to his son the difference between “anger” and “exasperation.” He looked up the phone number of a pompous fellow commuter whom he knew only by name and reputation, and he dialed the number. When the call was answered by the man, the father asked, “Is Adolph there?” “There’s no Adolph here. Why don’t you get the right number before bothering people this hour of the night?” roared the man on the other end.

“Now that,” said the father when he put down the phone, “was simply annoyance. We’ll wait a few minutes, and then you’ll hear something.” After a decent interval, the father dialed the same number and again asked, “Is Adolph there?” This time the other party literally screamed into the phone, “What’s the matter with you, are you crazy? I told you to look up the number and stop bothering me!” Whereupon the receiver at the other end was slammed down. “Now that fellow was angry,” said the father. “In a few minutes I will show you what I mean by exasperation compared to anger.” After 15 minutes or so, the father dialed the same number for the third time, and when the same man answered at the other end, the father said almost cheerily, “Hello, this is Adolph. Have there been any messages for me during the past half hour or so?”


一位姊妹有一次對佈道家畢利桑戴說,她雖然脾氣不好,但是她生氣永遠不會超過一分鐘。桑戴牧師說:「手槍的爆炸,也僅不過一秒鐘而已,但妳知道手槍的殺傷力究竟有多麼大! 」

Quotes引證 :
Those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard Nixon

If there’s bitterness in the heart, sugar in the mouth won’t make life sweeter. Yiddish

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. Thomas Kempis

He who angers you, controls you!

If you allow someone to make you angry, you have let them to conquer you. Live and Learn 54

Hatred is like acid it destroys the vessel that holds it. Live and Learn 56

If an angry man were to raise the dead, because of his anger, he would not please God. Abbot Agatho

Speak when you’re angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.

Anger is the only thing to put off till tomorrow.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. Indira Gandhi

真理常從她的捍衛者之激烈受的苦,超過從她的反對者的爭辯。(威廉 彭)
Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders, than from the arguments of its opposers. William Penn



A man hopped in a taxi, and took off for the airport. They were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of the taxi. The taxi driver slammed on the brakes, the car skidded, tires squealed, and at the very last moment the car stopped just one inch from the other car’s back-end.…The driver of the other car…whipped his head around and he started yelling words…

The taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And, he was friendly. So, the passenger asked, “Why did you just do that!? This guy could have killed us!” And this is when the taxi driver told me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck™.” He explained: “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.…”

So I started thinking, how often do I let garbage trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street? The bottom line is, “Don’t let garbage trucks ruin your day.” David J. Pollay

專家對人的憂慮作了估算:百分之四十所憂慮的事根本不會發生;百分之三十憂慮的事已成過去;世上所有憂慮的事都是無法改變的;百分之十二是我們不需擔心的健康問題;百分之十的是雞毛蒜皮的小事。只剩下百分之八才是我們本當要去關注和思考的。百分之九十二的憂慮的事是根本不會發生。劃分出剩余百分之八你所憂慮的。不要讓百分之八的憂慮控制了你的生活! (Edward Chinn, Pastor, All Saints Church, Philadelphia, PA) Preaching Sep-Oct 91.

Experts have made estimates of our worries: 40% of our worries will never happen. 30% or our worries are past; all the worry in the world cannot change them. 12% of our worries are needless worries about health; 10% of our worries are petty, miscellaneous worries. This leaves 8% for things that legitimately deserve our concern and thought. 92% of the things you worry about will never happen. Sort out the remaining 8% of your worries.” Do not let 8% of your worries control your life! (Edward Chinn, Pastor, All Saints Church, Philadelphia, PA) Preaching Sep-Oct 91.


當馬戲團來的那天,他去看表演者和動物在鎮裏的遊行。正當他觀看時,一個小丑來到他面前跳舞,那男孩就把那張票放進了小丑的手中。隨後他就站在街旁,歡呼雀躍的看剩餘的隊伍走過去。少年人沖回家告訴他父親說那個馬戲團是如何的令人興奮。他父親聼后,就抱着他兒子,説道,「兒啊,你還沒有看馬戲,你所看到的只是入場的遊行。」(每日靈糧 12/3/95)

During the great Depression that hit the United States in the 1930s, a family in the Midwest struggled to put food on their table. They had no money for luxuries.

One day posters all over town announced that a circus was coming. Admission would be $1. A boy in the family wanted to see the show, but his father told him he would have to earn the money on his own. The youngster had never seen a circus before, so he worked feverishly and was able to buy a ticket.

On the day the circus arrived, he went to see the performers and the animals parade through town. As he watched, a clown came dancing over to him, and the boy put his ticket in the clown’s hand. Then he stood on the curb and cheered as the rest of the parade moved by.

The youngster rushed home to tell his parents what he has seen and how exciting the circus was. His father listened, then took his son in his arms and said, “Son, you didn’t see the circus. All you saw was the parade.” (Daily Bread 12/3/95)

從前有一只老鼠,他又一個非常漂亮的女兒。他想將她嫁出去,但不嫁給老鼠。一天,他看到太陽閃耀,就說「啊,可有配得上我女孩的新郎了!」他走進太陽的宮殿請求道「太陽,你願意娶我的女兒爲妻嗎?我實在不能將她嫁給你以外的人了,你是如此強壯英俊。」 「哦,天啊,」太陽回答,「我並非如你想象的那樣強壯。找那邊的云吧,當他們經過我這裡時,我就變昏暗,力所不能。試試他們,他們比我強。」

於是老鼠帶他女兒到北風那裏,並告訴來由。「我會樂意娶你漂亮的女兒,親愛的老鼠,」北風回答道,「但我正好不是你所認爲的那樣。找那尖塔吧,你看到了嗎? 我吹了四十年,都從未能將他吹倒。」 他就去找尖塔,提了同樣的請求,但尖塔對他說,「老鼠,老鼠,你聽到我墻裏面有一種尖銳的聲音了嗎?你想那是什麽?老鼠在吃掉我,將我推倒。世上沒有比老鼠更勇敢強壯的了,不管別人怎麽說。」

There was once a mouse who had a very pretty daughter. He wanted to marry her off, but not to a mouse. One day, he saw the sun shining and said, “Ah! There’s a groom fit for my little girl.” He went to the sun’s palace and requested, “Sun, will you take my daughter as your wife? I could not bring myself to give her to anyone else but you, so strong and handsome as you are.” “Oh, dear me,” said the sun, “I’m not the strongest thing as you think I am. Take those clouds over there-if they pass over me, I grow dark and can do nothing at all about it. Try them, they are better than me.”

The mouse was very unhappy. Next, he approached the clouds but the clouds replied, You see the North Wind? When he blows, we are scattered all over the place, and can’t put ourselves together again. Try the North Wind.”
Then the mouse took his daughter to the North Wind, and told him why he had come. “I should be happy, my dear mouse, to take your pretty daughter,” answered the North Wind, “but I don’t happen to be what you take me for. Try that tower over there. You see it? I blew for forty years, I’d never blow it down.” He went to the tower and made the same proposal, but the tower said to him, “Mouse, mouse, do you hear a sort of groaning inside my walls? What do you suppose it is? The mice are eating me up and all but throwing me over. There’s none in the world bolder and stronger than mice, whatever anyone may say.”


A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??” “Yes,” she replied, “I found it very unusual ...because he hated the book!”


You can’t win. If you run after money, you’re materialistic. If you don’t get it, you’re a loser. If you get it and keep it, you’re a miser. If you don’t try to get it, you lack ambition. If you get it and spend it, you’re a spendthrift. If you still have it after a lifetime of work, you’re a fool who never got any fun out of life.

「這樣子,」那男士說,「當我把它帶回家,足足一星期每天早上我站在它籠子外,說‘你會講話嗎?’足足一星期,我沒有得到回應。於是一天早上我真的很厭煩,便說‘蠢蛋,你怎麽啦?’那鸚鵡朝我看着,說‘我會講話,不錯,你會飛嗎?’」(Toastmaster General’s Favorite Jokes 173, George Jessel, Castle Books)

A man went back to the pet shop where he had purchased a parakeet several weeks before and said, “You have a hell of a nerve selling me that talking parakeet.” The owner was rather surprised, since he remembered this particular customer because he had been so insistent about buying a talking parakeet.

“What’s the matter?” asked the owner. “Won’t the bird talk?”

“Oh, he talks all right,” replied the bird’s owner, “but how would you like to live with a sarcastic parakeet?”

“I don’t think I quite understand,” replied the owner of the pet store.

“Well,” said the man, “when I took the bird home, every morning for a solid week I would stand outside his cage and say, ‘Can you talk?’ and for a solid week I got no answer. So one morning I was relay disgusted, and I said, ‘What’s the matter stupid? Can’t you talk?’ And that parakeet looked at me and said, ‘I can talk , all right, but can you fly?’” (Toastmaster General’s Favorite Jokes 173, George Jessel, Castle Books)

老和尚慢慢轉過身,笑了。他說,「親愛的小師兄,你想得過重了!我好幾個時辰之前將那路邊的女子舉起來,你爲何現在還帶着她不放呢?」(Heather Forest, Wisdom Tales form Around the World, August House, Bits and Pieces 3/27/97)

As two Zen monks walked along a muddy, rain-drenched road, they came upon a lovely woman attempting to cross a large mud-puddle. The elder monk stopped beside the woman, lifted her in his arms, and carried her across the puddle. He set her down gently on the dry ridge of the road as the younger monk discreetly admired her charms.
After bowing politely to the woman, the two monks continued down the muddy road. The younger monk was sullen and silent as they walked along. They traveled over the hills, down the valleys, through a town, and under forest trees. At last, after many hours had passed, the younger monk scolded the elder, “You are aware that we monks do not touch women! Why did you carry that girl?”
The elder monk slowly turned and smiled. He said, “My dear young brother, you have such heavy thoughts! I left them the woman alongside the road hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?” (Heather Forest, Wisdom Tales form Around the World, August House, Bits and Pieces 3/27/97)


As the story goes, they built a new church building and people came from far and wide to see it. They admired its beauty! Up on the roof, a little nail heard the people praising everything about the lovely structure-except the nail! No one even knew he was there, and he became angry and jealous.

“If I am that insignificant, nobody will miss me if I quit!” So the nail then released its hold, slid down the roof, and fell in the mud.

That night it rained and rained. Soon, the shingle that had no nail blew away, and the roof began to leak. The water streaked the walls and the beautiful murals.
The plaster began to fall, the carpet was stained, and the pulpit Bible was ruined by water. All this because a little nail decided to quit!

But what of the nail? While holding the shingle, it was obscure but it was also useful. Buried in the mud it was just as obscure, but now it was useless and would soon be eaten up by rust!

Quotes引證 :
Talent is less important in filmmaking than patience. If you really want your films to say something that you hope is unique, then patience and stamina, thick skin and a kind of stupidity, a mule-like stupidity, is what you really need. Terry Gilliam

The best motto in the long march is "Don't grumble. Plug on." Frederick Treves

An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity. A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

Creativity is the ability to say things in an unusual way.
Confidence is the ability to do things in an unusual way.

Do more than exist – Live!
Do more than touch – Feel!
Do more than look – Observe!
Do more than read – Absorb!
Do more than hear – Listen!
Do more than listen – Understand!
Do more than think – Reflect!
Do more than just talk – Say Something!

How a man plays a game shows something of his character, how he loses shows all of it.



拍一下他的前額,上帝喊道「Shirley! 我沒有認出是你!」

A woman named Shirley had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital.
While on the operating table, Shirley had a near-death experience. Seeing God standing beside her, Shirley asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, dear child, you have another 30 years to live.” Upon her recovery, Shirley figured, since she had another 30 years of life, she might as well make the most of it. So she stayed in the hospital and had collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. To top it off, she even had a beautician come to her hospital room and dye her hair. As Shirley left the hospital, she was struck by a speeding car and died instantly. When she suddenly found herself standing in front of God in heaven, Shirley asked Him, “Didn’t you tell me I had another 30 years?”
Slapping His forehead, God exclaimed, “Shirley! I didn’t recognize you!”

一個新教派的人搬家到一個都是天主教徒的一個社區。作爲天主教徒,他們歡迎了他的到來。但是,作爲他們知道作爲一名好的天主教徒在星期五是不可以吃肉的。有一個星期五的晚上,這個新搬來的鄰居在烤肉,他們開始感覺不安。 他們很煩惱,就和這位新鄰居講這件事。經過這群人的勸導,這位他成爲了一位天主教徒。第二個星期天,他來到牧師面前,牧師往他身上滴水並說,你生是一名新教徒,並作爲一名新教徒成長,但現在你已經是一名天主教徒了。 就這樣,又到了下個星期五,在設區里,大家都坐著吃魚,這時,從這位新教徒家那邊傳來了一股烤牛肉的味道。他們過去同他講說,你知道在星期五你是不應該吃肉的。他們看到這位新教徒正在用番茄醬滴到牛肉上面並說,你生是一頭牛,長是一頭牛,但現在你是一條魚!

A Protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said, “You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic.” And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying, “You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are fish.”


童話裹有一個故事說:古時代在一大山上有一隻老虎,牠很喜歡喫人肉。天使告訴牠: 「你以後絕對不可喫人肉,若再喫,我馬上打死你。」虎答: 「好! 」以後牠只咬死小動物來滿足肚子。過三年,天使再來時,老虎請求天使說「我三年之久沒喫過人肉,現在非常愛喫人肉,讓我喫吧! 」天使說「好,但是基督徒你絕對不可喫。」虎回答說「好」後來虎很歡喜下了山,跑到一個禮拜堂前,看見一個人帶聖經,吟詩很快樂的樣子。老虎上前聞那個人,全身都沒有基督徒氣味,只有嘴有一點基督徒的氣味,所以留下嘴、全身的肉都喫掉了。天使又降臨來了,責備老虎怎樣喫那個人?老虎說「這個人只有嘴有基督徒的氣味,所以我留著嘴,其他的都份都喫掉了。」(楊信德,《新約聖經一般故事講道集》)


Quotes引證 :
Be who you are and say what you mean because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. Dr. Seuss

Imitation is a confession of limitation. (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)

Bible 聖經,Brotherhood 弟兄

一個牧師在準備他的講道時有點鬆懈。他的會眾立刻就察覺到他最近的講道不如從前的講道「肉」那麼多。後來那牧師在講台上發現一個匿名的字條:「先生,我們願意見耶穌」(約12:21) 。他就深刻地反省自己,殷勤地讀聖經並按他以前徹底下功夫研究和預備講章。星期天的早上,效果確顯出了進步。不久,他又在講台發現另一張字條,說:「門徒看見主,就喜樂了」 (約20:20)。

A preacher was getting a little careless in his preaching preparation. His people noticed that there wasn't as much "meat" as there had been before. The preacher found an anonymous note in the pulpit which said simply: "Sir, we would like to see Jesus."
He took the note to heart, began reading the Bible more fervently and returned to his former and more thorough study habits for sermon preparation. It showed in what he produced on Sunday morning. Not long thereafter, he found another note in the pulpit. It said: "Then were the disciples glad when they saw the Lord."

他給每人一張$ 100.00的鈔票,並要求它們隱藏這張鈔票一年在紐約市。
第四個侄兒則冷靜地拉長他的$ 100.00鈔票,就如之前給他的一樣。

Once upon a time there lived an elderly millionaire who had four nephews. Desiring to make one of these his heir, he tested their cleverness.

He gave to each a $100.00 bill, with the request that they hide the bills for a year in the city of New York.

Any of them who should succeed in finding the hidden bill at the end of the year should share in the inheritance.

The year being over, the four nephews brought their reports.

The first, deeply chagrined, told how he had put his bill in the strongest and surest safe deposit vault, but, alas, clever thieves had broken in and stolen it.

The second had put his in charge of a tried and true friend. But the friend has proved untrustworthy and had spent the money.

The third had hidden his bill in a crevice in the floor of his room, but a mouse had nibbled it to bits to build her nest.

The fourth nephew calmly produced his $100.00 bill, as crisp and as fresh as when it had been given him.

“And where did you hide it?” asked his uncle.

“Too easy! I stuck it in a hotel bible.”

Carolyn Wells.
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)



有一句哲言說:「我尋找我的靈魂,但我看不見它;我尋找上帝,但我的上帝躲避我;我尋找我的弟兄,就三個都找到了。」(“I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three.” ~Author Unknown)






Character 品德,Child 小孩,Christlikeness 基督化,Church 教會


In 1891 a train company was being sued because a person had been killed at a train crossing. The plaintiff’s lawyer interrogated the night watchman at the crossing. When asked if he was on duty, he responded in the affirmative.
“Did you have a lantern?” Again the answer was yes.
“Did you wave the lantern?” Again the same answer. His testimony was so convincing that the plaintiff lost the case. Afterwards, the president of the company congratulated the watchman, telling him that his testimony had saved the company a great deal of money, and that he would be compensated accordingly. The president then asked the watchman, “Were you nervous on the stand?”
“Well, sir, I was a bit afraid they would ask if my lantern was lit.”


“My boy,” said a father to his son, “treat everybody with politeness, even those who are rude to you; remember, you show courtesy to others, not because they are gentlemen, but because you are one.”


There was a cartoon in the Saturday Review of Literature several years ago in which little George Washington was standing with an ax in his hand. Before him, lying on the ground was the famous cherry tree. He had already made his smug admission that he had done it -- after all, he “...cannot tell a lie.” But, his father was standing there, exasperated, saying, “All right, so you admit it! You always admit it! The question is, when are you going to stop doing it.”

熊寶寶下樓坐在桌前的小椅子上,發現他的小碗是空的。他吱吱叫:「誰吃了我的粥?!! 」。熊爸爸坐在他的大桌前的大椅子上,看到他的大碗也是空的:「誰吃了我的粥?!! 」他咆哮道。熊媽媽從廚房探出他的頭來叫道:「拜託你們!同樣的情況到底要重演幾次呢」?熊媽媽是最早起床的,叫大家起床的也是他,沖咖啡的也是熊媽媽,他從洗碟機裡把昨晚清洗的碗碟拿出來放好,在冷冷的凌晨出去拿報紙,他佈置餐桌,將貓放出去,清洗小箱子,為貓補充水和食物,如今你決定放下優雅的熊媽媽廚房,氣呼呼的下樓:你們給我聽好,我只說一遍:「我還沒有開始做粥!!!」

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?!!”, he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. “Who’s been eating my Porridge?!!,” he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, “For Pete’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat’s water and food dish, and, now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-butts downstairs, and grace Momma Bear’s kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I’m only going to say this one more time . . .

Things We Can Learn From A Dog
Never pass the opportunity to go for a joyride
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience
Let others know when they have invaded your territory
Take naps and scratch before rising
Run, romp, and play daily
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
Be loyal
Never pretend to be something you’re not
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle her/him gently
Thrive on attention and let people touch you
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body
No matter how often you are scolded, don’t buy into the guilt and right back and make friends
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone” Sam Levenson




童話裹有一個故事說:古時代在一大山上有一隻老虎,牠很喜歡喫人肉。天使告訴牠: 「你以後絕對不可喫人肉,若再喫,我馬上打死你。」虎答: 「好! 」以後牠只咬死小動物來滿足肚子。過三年,天使再來時,老虎請求天使說「我三年之久沒喫過人肉,現在非常愛喫人肉,讓我喫吧! 」天使說「好,但是基督徒你絕對不可喫。」虎回答說「好」後來虎很歡喜下了山,跑到一個禮拜堂前,看見一個人帶聖經,吟詩很快樂的樣子。老虎上前聞那個人,全身都沒有基督徒氣味,只有嘴有一點基督徒的氣味,所以留下嘴、全身的肉都喫掉了。天使又降臨來了,責備老虎怎樣喫那個人?老虎說「這個人只有嘴有基督徒的氣味,所以我留著嘴,其他的都份都喫掉了。」(楊信德,《新約聖經一般故事講道集》)

Quotes引證 :
The measure of a man’s real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out. Thomas Babington Macaulay

The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me in life, do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am. Dr. Sam Peeples

There is no right way to do a wrong thing.

Character is more important than reputation because reputation is just what people think you are; character is what you really are. John Wooden.

Conscience is the still small voice that people won’t listen to.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. Dennis Wholey

He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other. Francis Bacon

I would rather be cheated a hundred times than develop a heart of stone. Tim Stafford

Who you are speaks so loud I can’t hear what you are saying. Emerson

Righteousness without genuine love for God and others will soon degenerate into self-righteousness.

I have to be a good person. When I lost, I had to shake the other guy’s hand. Barry Sanders

A contract is fair when both parties gain equally. Thomas Aquinas


A mother attended a service in a large and crowded auditorium with her little daughter, Mary. In some manner the two became separated. The mother sent a note to the platform which was read aloud: “If there is a little girl named Mary Moore in the audience, who is lost, will she please raise her hand so her mother can find her.” No little girl raised her hand so the mother had the police searching the city for the child. Still not finding her, the mother came back and stood at the door of the auditorium as the people filed out. Among the last of them was Mary. Her mother snatched her up, crying, “Where were you, Mary?” “On the front row,” replied the little one. “Didn’t you hear the man read the notice, ‘If there is a little girl named Mary Moore in the audience, who is lost, will she please raise her hand so her mother can find her?’ “ “Yes,” said Mary, “I heard it.” “Then why didn’t you raise your hand?” “Why, Mother, it couldn’t have meant me,” said Mary, “for I wasn’t lost. I knew where I was.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 840)

妳為何做這些事? 4 歲的唐納德不解的問媽媽。
唐納德在他的小腦袋裡沈思了幾分鐘。然後說: 媽,為什麼你不直接煮爸爸呢?

Daddy was confined to the house with Spanish influenza, and mother was busy sterilizing the dishes which had come from the sick-room.

“Why do you do that?” asked four-year-old Donald.

“Because, dear, poor daddy has germs, and the germs get on the dishes, so then I boil them, and that kills all the horrid germs.”

Donald turned this over in his little mind for several minutes. Then:

“Mother, why don’t you boil daddy?”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)


Kid letters to God
from actual memos that youngsters wrote to G-d:
Dear God: Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Dear God: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t you just keep the ones you have now? Jane
Dear God: Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan
Dear God: I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the synagogue. Is that okay?
Dear God: Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Dear God: It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear God: Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Dear God: If we come back as something, please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her.
Dear God: I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Dear God: I think about you sometimes, even when I’m not praying.
Dear God: I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Dear God: Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.
Dear God: My brothers told me about being born, but it doesn’t sound right. They are just kidding, aren’t they?
Dear God: If you watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show you my new shoes.
Dear God: We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Hebrew school, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
Dear God: I don’t think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already.
Dear God: I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool.
Dear God: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.


Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What’cha doing, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your dumb cat.”


If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, He learns to be guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice.
If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find love in the world.


Little Johnny’s father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
Little Johnny replied, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States.”





The boss meets an employee and says: “You are here already 1 year. In the beginning, you were only a Mail Clerk. A week later, you started to handle Sales. A month later, you were promoted as Operation Regional Manager. In only 4 months, you were promoted to Vice-President. Now, I’m ready to retire, I want you to be the new boss. How do you feel?”

The Employee answers: “Thank you...”

The Boss: “Anything else you would like to say?”

The employee: “Thank you .... Dad...”


A teenager lost one of his contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway.
After a brisk search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.

“I really looked hard for that, mom,” said the youth. “How did you manage to find it?”

“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.” (Reader’s Digest 10/92)


On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist। The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston। Then she inquired what I did for a living।

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, “If there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”




The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquillizers regularly.”
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquillizers calmed you down?”
“Yes” the mother answered.
“And how is your son now?” he asked.
“Who cares?” she replied.

在熱鬧的聖誕節購物時,一位女士掉了她的手提袋。有一個誠實的小男孩揀到且還给她。當她看她的錢包時,她評論說,「嗯 .... 奇怪,當我失去了我的手提袋子時,我衹有一張20元的鈔票。現在有20張一元的鈔票。」

男孩很快就回答說, 「你沒看錯,女士。上次我曾揀到一位女士的錢包時,她因為沒有零錢可找,而無法賞我獎金。」

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm.... That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”





















Quotes引證 :
We spend the first 2 years of children’s life teaching them to walk and talk. Then we spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and keep quiet.

Sometimes we’re so concerned about giving our children what we never had growing up, we neglect to give them what we did have growing up. James Dobson

What is popular is not always right, what is right is not always popular.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. Mark Twain

Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. Robert Fulghum

There are two things you give to your children. One is roots and the other is wings.

In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. Thomas Jefferson


There was a small Christian sect of an exclusive nature which was holding a convention. Outside the auditorium there was displayed the motto, “Jesus Only.” A strong wind blew the first three letters away, so that the sign read, “Us Only.” Isn’t that too often the sign that our prayers, attitudes, and behavior present to the world? And then we expect God to bless us. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 744)


Seeing her two sons fighting over the last piece of pizza the mother said, “You boys should be acting more like Jesus, if He were here He would give His brother the last piece”
The older brother looked at his younger sibling and said,
“Marty, you be Jesus”




A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter’s report card.

The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red ‘A’ under the subject of Math.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. “Was it the nuns that did it?” the father asked. The boy shook his head and said “No.” “Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?” “No.” “The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?” “No”, said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!”


Quotes引證 :
A Christian man is most free lord of all, and subject to none; a Christian man is the most dutiful servant of all, and subject to everyone. Martin Luther

Those who make comfort the great subject of their preaching seem to mistake the end of their ministry. Holiness is the great end. Comfort is a cordial but no one drinks cordials from morning to night. John Henry Newman

In our modern world, our real danger comes not from irreligion, but from mild religion. D. Elton Trueblood.

The true call of a Christian is not to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.


有一天,他正苦思他的未來出路時,他抬頭望著迅速變化的天空,他看見P, C字型的雲。他就想著:「傳講基督!」。隨後他前往隔州讀聖經學院,讓人人確信他是有「呼召」的。

A young but lazy farmer was having a bad year at the farm. His work had not paid off, so his harvest was going to be very poor. So he decided it was time for a change: perhaps he would become a preacher.

One day, as he was mulling on what to do with his future, he looked up to the sky and presto, he saw the clouds forming the words P. C. That’s it he thought: “PREACH CHRIST”! Off he went to the bible college in the next state, convincing everyone that he had a “calling.”

Needless to say, he was also lazy also in his studies, and failed every subject from Genesis to Preaching.

Finally he was called to the office. As he explained his “calling,” the president finally discerned his problem, and said. “Look young man, the ministry is not for slothful people. And as for “PC” that stands for “PLANT CORN!”


A stranger in St. Louis stopped a policeman one Sunday morning and asked him to recommend a church. He directed him to one at a little distance. “What’s the matter with these other churches that I see along the way?” asked the stranger. “Why don’t you recommend them?” “To tell the truth,” replied the policeman, “I am an unbeliever myself, but people coming out of that church are always happy. They are different. If I ever decided to go to church, that’s where I’d go. They’ve got something there that makes them happy.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 929)

Many people today treat religion as a matter of convenience. They have to belong somewhere to be considered respectable. A clergyman once met an old schoolmate of whose activities he had long been ignorant, and finding him a judge of good standing congratulated him upon his success in life. As they were parting, the clergyman said to him, “And best of all, Judge, I find you are a member of our church.” “Well,” said the judge, “that’s more a matter of chance than anything else. You see, when I was getting established in my profession, my wife and I thought we ought to join a church—it was the respectable thing to do. So, after mature deliberation, we settled down with a certain denomination and got on very well for a time; but they kept harping on faith, till we pretty soon discovered that they required more faith than we had; so it became necessary to make a change. We turned the matter over considerably and at last, for various reasons, made up our minds to join another denomination. Here we found the demand was work, work incessantly; and it was presently apparent that they demanded more work than we were able to perform. It was with great reluctance that we concluded that we must change again, and we cast about with much caution, that this move might be final. At last we decided to connect ourselves with your church, sir, and have gotten along famously ever since without either faith or works.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 544)


Years ago it was the custom in a certain theological college for the student who had preached a sermon in class to go into the principal’s office next morning for a quiet talk about his work. On one such occasion, the revered and saintly old principal said to the young man before him, “It was a good sermon you gave yesterday; the truth you dealt with was well-arranged and well presented. But your sermon had one omission, a grave one. There was no word in it for a poor sinner like me.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 546)


A minister, on taking a new church, was highly complimented on his first sermon. A number of people told him it was just what the congregation needed. The next Sunday he preached well again, but the congregation was greatly puzzled because he preached the same sermon as before. The third Sunday, when the same sermon was preached again, the session waited on the preacher for an explanation. He said, “Why, yes it is the same sermon. You told me the first Sunday how much you needed just that, and I watched all week for some change in your lives, but there was none, so I preached it again. I watched all next week; still no change; and I don’t see any yet. Don’t you think I’d better prepare to preach it again next Sunday?” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 547)


“Isn’t Rev. So-and-so a deep preacher?” asked a friend. “Well,” replied the other smiling. “I’ll tell you a story. When I was a boy I was amusing myself with some other boys in a pool. Some of them were going farther out than I was disposed to go, and I was frightened. To a man who was passing by I called out, ‘Is the pool deep?’ ‘No, son,’ he replied, ‘it’s only muddy.’” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 548)



A layman visited a great city church in Ohio during a business trip. After the service he congratulated the minister on his service and sermon. “But,” said the manufacturer, “if you were my salesman, I’d discharge you. You got my attention by your appearance, voice, and manner; your prayer, reading, and logical discourse aroused my interest; you warmed my heart with a desire for what you preached; then you stopped without asking me to do something about it. In business, the important thing is to get people to sign on the dotted line.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 549)

當你傳福音時你要的是果子。有一個人聽了很感動的信息後,朋友問他是否記得內容。 “真的,”他說,“我什麼都沒有記得,但是因著這個信息我成為一個不同的人。”與這個對比的是,有一個人被問到他覺得一篇在教會中產生很大迴響的信息如何?他的回答對我們可能有一些重要的教訓。 “很不錯,先生,但一個人不能靠著鮮花而活。

It’s fruit that you want when you present the gospel. Someone who had heard a moving sermon was asked by a friend what he remembered of it. “Truly,” he said, “I remember nothing at all, but I am a different man as a result of it.” Contrast that with what another man answered when he was asked what he thought of a sermon that had produced a great sensation among the congregation. His reply may hold an important lesson for some of us. “Very fine, sir; but a man cannot live upon flowers.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 553)

「還沒有,傳道人講的道是結束了,但是主日的信息必須在我們生活當中活出。」這位力求實踐的會友回答著。(摘自聖經真理圖解# 554))

“Is the sermon done?” asked one member of the congregation of another. “No, the preacher is done, but the sermon has to be worked out in our lives,” replied the practical listener. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 554)

Bishop Latimer once preached a sermon before King Henry VIII that greatly offended his royal auditor by its plainness. The King ordered him to preach again the next Sunday and to make public apology for his offense. The Bishop ascended the pulpit and read his text, and thus began his sermon: “Hugh Latimer, dost thou know before whom thou art this day to speak? To the high and mighty Monarch, the King’s most excellent Majesty, who can take away thy life if thou offendest. Therefore take heed that thou speakest not a word that may displease. But then, consider well, Hugh! Dost thou not know from whom thou comest—upon whose message thou art sent? Even by the great and mighty God, who is all-present and beholdeth all thy ways, and who is able to cast thy soul into hell! Therefore take care that thou deliverest thy message faithfully.” And so beginning, he preached over again, but with increased energy, the selfsame sermon he had preached the week before. The fear of God delivered him from the fear of man. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 523)

One day a very learned preacher was met by an illiterate preacher who despised education. “Sir, you have been to college, I suppose?” “Yes, sir,” was the reply. “I am thankful,” replied the illiterate preacher, “that the Lord opened my mouth without any learning.” “A similar event,” answered the learned clergyman, “took place in Balaam’s time, when his ass spoke; but such things are of rare occurrence in the present day. Maybe you are one of the rarities.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 524)


A church was in need of a pastor. A candidate came who preached on hell. The next Sunday another candidate came whose sermon was also on hell, and his fundamental teaching was the same as that of the first one. When the members of the church were called upon to vote, they voted for the second candidate. When they were asked why, the answer was, “The first one spoke as if he were glad that people were going to hell, while the second seemed sorry for it.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 526)

We preachers desperately need the advice which an aged minister gave a young man who was just entering upon his life work as a shepherd of God’s flock. “My son,” he said, “feed the sheep; do not beat them. If a sheep is well fed, he can endure and will submit to some harsh treatment, but to starve and beat him at the same time is likely to prove fatal.”
(from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 529)

Said an archbishop to the manager of the acting group, “Tell me, how is it that you actors hold the attention of your audience so vividly that you cause them to think of things imaginary as if they were real, while we of the church speak of things that are real but our congregations take them as imaginary?” The reason is plain,” answered the actor. “We actors speak of things imaginary as if they were real; while too many in the pulpit speak of things real as if they were imaginary.” It was said of one famous old preacher, “He showed us the fires of hell, and then he swept our souls up to the gates of heaven.” When you talk about Christ, you have to believe in the transforming power of the gospel if you expect to convince anyone of its power to save. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 530)

他說, 「老爸、我覺得對於目前所服事的傳道事工有重大的缺陷;我如果引用地質學事證、有一位教科學的教授就坐在前面;我如果舉羅馬神話的實例、可能有另一位教授會針對一點小小的不精確跟我沒完沒了;我如果提到一些喜歡的英文文學相關的、我將會因面臨一位教授那個領域的專家學者而顫抖;我該如何是好?」
睿智的老年人說, 「不用氣餒,只要宣講福音;

A young minister in a college town was embarrassed by the thought of criticism from his cultured congregation. He sought counsel from his father, a wise old minister, saying, “Dad, I am handicapped in my ministry in the pulpit I am now serving. If I cite anything from geology, there is Prof. A, teacher of this science, right before me. If I use an illustration from Roman mythology, there is Prof. B ready to trip me up for any little inaccuracy. If I mention something in English literature that pleases me, I am cowered by the presence of the learned man that teaches that branch. What shall I do?” The sagacious old man replied, “Do not be discouraged; preach the gospel. They probably know very little of that.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 533)


When the Rev. George Pentecost had finished a discourse in the city of Edinburgh, Horatius Bonar put his hand upon his shoulder and said, “You love to preach to men, don’t you?” and Dr. Pentecost answered, “Yes.” Then Mr. Bonar said, “Do you love the men you preach to?” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 511)


One day as G. Campbell Morgan prayed, the Lord seemed to say to him, “Which do you want to be—a servant of mine or a great preacher?” Morgan replied, “May I not be both, Lord?” A spiritual struggle ensued as he thought, God may want me to be an unknown minister in an obscure place. Then Morgan submissively prayed, “O Lord, my greatest wish is to be a servant of Thine!” The Lord responded by making him one of the greatest preachers of his time. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 512)


A young preacher fresh from seminary went to the front as a chaplain. He announced to the soldiers that he would let them choose whether they wanted him to preach a sermon or tell them funny stories. A tall, blunt-speaking fellow arose and said, “If you have come three thousand miles to talk to a bunch of soldiers, some of whom are going into eternity within three days, and you don’t know whether to preach to them or tell them funny stories, I suspect you had just better go ahead and tell something funny.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 516)


“How can I get crowds to attend my services?” asked a young preacher of John Wesley. Replied Wesley, “Get on fire and people will come out to see you burn.” It is pathetic that we have so many sleepy preachers and noiseless sermons. Henry Ward Beecher used to say, “If a man sleeps under my preaching, I do not send a boy to wake him up, but I feel that a boy had better come and wake me up.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 517)

有一位年輕人剛剛成為一間大教堂的牧師,在一個會眾的歡迎會上、有一個愛說長道短的婦人用尖刻的語氣對他說, 「我真搞不懂你怎麼敢接受這麼一個要使七百位會眾都覺得滿意的工作。」
神啟示他靈光一閃地回答,說, 「我來到這個城市不是要討七百人的喜歡,而是只討一位的喜悅;我如果能討得祂的喜悅就夠了。」

A young man had just become pastor of a large church. At a reception given him by his people, one of the gossips, a woman with a dangerous tongue, came up and said, “I do not understand how you dared attempt the task of pleasing seven hundred people.” Quick as a flash the Lord gave him the answer. He replied, “I did not come to this city to please seven hundred people. I have to please only One; and if I please Him, all will be well.”
(from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 519)


An old deacon was once asked about the state of his church. He replied, “We are in sad straits; the church is slipping back, getting worse all the time; but, thank the Lord, none of the other churches in our neighborhood is doing any better.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 115)

“I once asked a minister how he had got through a certain service. He answered grimly:

“‘Well, bishop, the service was soothing, moving and satisfactory.’

“‘Yes,’ I said a little puzzled.

“‘Yes, exactly,’ said he. ‘It was soothing because over half the congregation went to sleep. It was moving because half of the other half left before I was through. And it must have been satisfactory, inasmuch as I wasn’t asked to come again.’”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)

The clergyman’s eloquence may have been at fault, still he felt annoyed to find that an old gentleman fell asleep during the sermon on two consecutive Sundays. So, after service on the second week, he told the boy who accompanied the sleeper that he wished to speak to him in the vestry.

“My boy,” said the minister, when they were closeted together, “who is that elderly gentleman you attend church with?”

“Grandpa,” was the reply.

“Well,” said the clergyman, “if you will only keep him awake during my sermon, I’ll give you a nickel each week.”

The boy fell in with the arrangement, and for the next two weeks the old gentleman listened attentively to the sermon. The third week, however, found him soundly asleep.

The vexed clergyman sent for the boy and said: “I am very angry with you. Your grandpa was asleep again today. Didn’t I promise you a nickel a week to keep him awake?”

“Yes,” replied the boy, “but grandpa now gives me a dime not to disturb him.”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)

An Episcopal rector and a Roman Catholic priest had neighboring churches and didn’t get along very well. After some time, however, they got together and decided to bury the hatchet.

“For, after all,” said he of the Episcopal faith, “we are both doing the Lord’s work.”

“That is true,” said the priest. “Let us therefore do his work to the best of our ability: you in your way,” concluded the priest, and then added with a twinkle, “and I in his!”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)

A clergyman was accustomed to use scientific terms which the people did not understand. A deputation waited on him with the request that in the future, whenever he used such terms, he would explain them.

On the following Sunday he used the word “hyperbole,” and added:

“As agreed on, I beg to explain this word. Were I to say that at this moment the whole of my congregation are sound asleep, it would be hyperbole; but if I say that one-half are asleep, that is not hyperbole, but the truth.” (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)

A woman approached the minister and thanked him for his sermon. “I found it so helpful,” she said. The minister replied: “I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach.” “Why, what do you mean?” asked the astonished woman. “Well,” said the minister, “that sermon lasted you three months.”


While the minister was speaking, a man fell asleep. The minister raised his voice and pounded the pulpit but the man would not wake up. Finally, the minister called to the deacon, “Go wake that man up.” The deacon replied, “Wake him up yourself. You put him to sleep!”


A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him. The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.
Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, “What’s wrong?” The reply came, “I can’t get this mower started. Do you know how?” The kid said, “Yep.” “Well, how do you do it? Tell me!”, the preacher yelled. The kid replied, “You have to cuss it.” The preacher rose up indignantly. “Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I’ve forgotten how to do it after all these years.” With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, “Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it’ll all come back to ya.”

在幾乎所有宗教的宗派中,為了成為一個牧師或者一位傳道人,你的神學必須被測試。 你必須被檢驗確定,至少根據那個一點宗派的觀點,你在神學上是可靠的。 我知道有一個宗派會把候選人放在有經驗的傳道人和平信徒領袖面前,他們可以問任何神學上的問題,直到他們對候選人在神學上的可靠性滿意爲止.在這評審團當中有一位老傳道人,35年來他對每一位的候選人都問同樣的一個問題.他問候選人,「請看窗外好嗎?」候選人照做了.

In almost every religious tradition, in order to become a priest or a minister you have to be tested on your theology. You have to be examined to make sure, at least from that point of view of that tradition, that you’re theologically sound. I know one tradition that puts candidates for the ministry in front of veteran ministers and lay leaders, and they can ask as many theological questions as they want, until they’re satisfied that the candidate is theologically sound. There’s one old minister in this group who has asked the same question for 35 years to every single ministerial candidate. He says to the candidate, “Will you look out the window?”

The candidate does.

“Tell me when you see a person out the window.”

“I see one.”

“Do you know that person?”

“No, sir, I don’t.”

“Good. Would you describe that person theologically?” He’s been asking that question for 35 years and he says that he has found that the answers tend to fall in one of two categories. Either they say “That person is a sinner in need of the saving power of God in Jesus Christ,” or they say, “Whether that person knows it or not, that person is a child of God, embraced by the love of God, surrounded by the grace of God.”

The old minister commented, “I suppose both of those answers, technically speaking, are correct, but it has been my experience that the ministers who give the second answer make the better ministers because they see people not just as they are, but as they will be in the future of God.” Kindness is the refusal to see people only in the present tense, but to see them in light of what God is doing to recreate their lives. (Thomas Long)


Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, “Ya know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with mice in my church. I’ve tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. The second Pastor then said “Yea, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I’ve set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won’t go away.” With a on his face, the third Pastor said, “I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church... Haven’t seen one back since!!!”


Things you never hear in church..............
1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he/she can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!
8. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
9. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
11. I couldn’t find space to park outside. Praise God!

“是的,是的,我的孩子,”牧師回答,其實他已經很厭倦的一再的聽到這件事。 “我將繼續為你祈禱,楊士頓夫人夫人,你要有有信心,主會看顧你。“

For the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her pastor to tell him, “I’m so scared! Joe says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”
“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, more than a little tired of hearing this over and over. “I will continue to pray for you, Mrs. Youngston. Have faith - the Lord will watch over you.”
“Oh yes, he has kept me safe thus far, only.....”
“Only what, my child?”
“Well, now he says if I keep coming to your church, he’s going to kill YOU!”
“Well, now,” said the pastor, “Perhaps it’s time to check out that little church on the other side of town.”


Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic Priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and, sure enough, the blessed horse came in first.
Charlie followed the Priest before the next race. Again, the Priest went to the stables and blessed another horse. Charlie quickly put two dollars on that horse and won close to fifty bucks! The Priest kept blessing horses and Charlie kept betting on them and they won!
The last race of the day was the biggest and Charlie saw the Priest with that horse, also! He quickly went to his bank and withdrew his life’s savings of $20,000, went back to the racetrack and put it all on that horse!
He watched the race in certain anticipation of leaving a millionaire. The horse was last to cross the line and Charlie was dead broke! He couldn’t believe what happened so he went looking for the Priest.
He found the man and asked, “What happened to that last horse you blessed? Because your blessing didn’t work, I’ve lost all of my money!”
The Priest said “That’s the trouble with you Protestants, you can’t tell the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites!”

一位年輕的傳道人申請牧師職位正接受該教堂董事會成員面談。在這董事中有一位勤奮的愛爾蘭人看著這位應徵的年輕傳道人並且問他說:年青人,上帝派你到我們這裡來嗎? 他回答,嗯,我不知道是否上帝派我來這裡。 我試圖尋求上帝的心意並且查明你們是否要我成為你們的下一任牧師。

A young minister was being interviewed by a church board for the position of pastor. One hard-working Irishman who was on the board looked at the young man sternly and asked, “Young man, did God send you here?” He replied, “Well, I don’t know if God sent me here. I am trying to find the will of God and find out if you would like me for your next pastor.”

The board member replied, “Young man, did God send you here?” The young minister was somewhat at a loss for words and came back again, “Well I just stopped by to talk with the board...”

The board member interrupted again and said, “Young man, did God send you here?” Finally, he screwed up his courage and said, “Well I guess God didn’t send me here. I just stopped by to see about whether we could get together.”

The old board member leaned back in his seat and said, “That’s good. The last four said that God had sent them, and we have nothing but trouble with all four of them.”

A story is told about a man who was on a luxury liner and suddenly he falls overboard. He can’t swim and in desperation he begins calling for help. Now it just so happens that there several would be rescuers on deck who witnessed the incident. The first man was a MORALIST. When he saw the man fall overboard he immediately reached into his briefcase and pulled out a book on how to swim. He now tossed it to him and he yelled: “Now brother, you read that and just follow the instructions and you will be all right.”

The man next to him happened to be an IDEALIST. When he saw the man fall overboard he immediately jumped into the water and began swimming all around the drowning man saying: “Now just watch me swim. Do as I do and you will be all right.”

The person next to him happened to be a member of the INSTITUTIONAL CHURCH. He looked upon the drowning man’s plight with deep concern. He yelled out: “Now, just hold on friend. Help is on the way. We are going to establish a committee and dialogue your problem. And then, if we have come up with the proper financing, we will resolve your dilemma.”

The next man on the deck happened to be a representative of the school of POSITIVE THINKING. He yelled out to the drowning man: “Friend, this situation is not nearly as bad as you think. Think dry!”

The next man on board happened to be a REVIVALIST. By this time the drowning man was going down for the third time and desperately began waving his arm. Seeing that, the revivalist yelled out: “Yes brother, I see that hand, is there another? Is there another?”

And finally, the last man on deck was a REALIST. He immediately plunged into the water, at the risk of his own life, and pulled the victim to safety.

The story is told of a preacher in Vermont who was running into some difficulty with his congregation over the strident nature of his sermons. He had lambasted the lack of racial diversity in the town, the high property taxes, the insensitivity of the merchants, and the lack of caring present in family relationships. This was too much, so an ad hoc committee was quickly assembled to meet with the young man to “set him straight.” The gathering took place in the church parlor right after worship.

The chair began, “Preacher, we are a little worried about the effect your preaching is having on the congregation. When you rail against materialism, the bankers and the merchants find that hard to take. And when you talk against the television preachers pursuing religion for profit, a lot of our folks send money to those people. And when you start talking about family values, why, a lot of our people are busy and commute to Boston and can’t just communicate with their children like you envision. And, heck, you make us feel bad about being white and wealthy. Can’t you find something else to preach about?”

Totally exasperated, the preacher asked: “Well, what do you people suggest I preach about?” From the back of the room came a clear voice: “Why don’t you preach about the communists?” “But we don’t have any communists in our town, in Vermont,” he answered. “Exactly. Preach about them!” Harold C. Warlick, Jr., LIGHT IN THE LAND OF SHADOWS, CSS Publishing Company, Lima, Ohio, 1996.

Several years ago a reader of the British Weekly wrote a letter to the editor as follows:
“Dear Sir! I notice that ministers seem to set a great deal of importance on their sermons and spend a great deal of time in preparing them. I have been attending services quite regularly for the past thirty years and during that time, if I estimate correctly. I have listened to no less than three thousand sermons. But, to my consternation, I discover I cannot remember a single one of them. I wonder if a minister’s time might be more profitably spent on something else? Sincerely...”

The letter kicked up quite an editorial storm of angry responses for weeks. The pros and cons of sermons were tossed back and forth until, finally, one letter ended the debate. This letter said: “My dear Sir: I have been married for thirty years. During that time I have eaten 32,850 meals - mostly of my mom’s cooking. Suddenly I have discovered that I cannot remember the menu of a single meal. And yet, I received nourishment from every one of them. I have the distinct impression that without them, I would have starved to death along time ago.


你上教堂嗎? 當然我們去。

Attend a church? Of course we do.
Like others in our set.
Except on days that seem to be
Too hot, or cold, or wet.
And then of course in summer
Just to keep them up to par
We take the kids on Sundays
For a joy ride in the car.
Sometimes, too, in spring and fall
I take a Sunday off
And hike me to the country club
To have a game of golf.
But all other Sundays
You will find us in our pew
For we always go to church
When we’ve nothing else to do.

新牧師和他的前任握手並且收到辦公室的鑰匙。新牧師的監督對他說:我在書桌裡為你留下3 個信封。只有在碰到嚴重問題時才能打開他們。

在6 個月之後因為教堂的預算無法編列,他碰到第一個問題。因此年輕的牧師打開第一個信封。裡面提到說:修改教會法規。他照著做了。

6 個月以後他在崇拜的服事革新方案上,又受到教堂董事會的攔阻反對。於是 他打開第2 個信封。信封中提到:更換你的人員,他也照樣做了。

The new pastor shook hands with his predecessor and received the keys to the office. The departing minister said, “I’m leaving you three envelopes in the desk. Open them only if you’re in serious trouble.”

After six months the church wasn’t making budget, so the young pastor opened the first envelope. It said, “Change the constitution.” So he did.

Six months later he faced a rebellion on the church board over his innovation in the worship services. He opened the second envelope. It said, “Change your staff.” So he did.

Six months later, attendance was down by half. In desperation he opened the last envelope, which said, “Prepare three letters for your successor.” (Robert Moeller, Leadership Summer 1992)

First Member: I thought the sermon was divine. It reminded me of the peace of God. It passed all understanding.

Second Member: It reminded me of the mercies of God. I thought it would endure forever.

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. “A priest. Somebody, get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd – no priest, minister or man of God was present (or in sight). “A priest, please!” the dying man says again.

Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. “Mr. Policeman,” says the man. “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I’m living behind St. Elizabeth Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I listen to the Catholic litany. So maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor dying man.” The policeman agreed and brought the old man over to where the dying man lay. The old man kneels down, leans over to the injured and says in a solemn voice: “B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72. BINGO!’

當他敲打時,他看到一個小男孩正在看他。這位男孩沒有說話,所以牧師繼續工作,思想小伙子馬上會走。但男孩沒有這樣做。最後,牧師問道:「小子,你是想學一些園藝技巧嗎?」 ,他回答說 「沒有 ,我只是想等著聽一個牧師當他用榔頭打到手指頭時會罵什麼。 」

There is a story about a pastor who was building a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine। As he pounded away, he saw that a little boy was watching him. The youngster didn’t say a word, so the pastor kept on working, thinking the lad would just leave. But he didn’t. Finally the pastor asked, “Well, son, are you trying to pick up some pointers on gardening?” “No,” he replied, “I’m just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer.”

Your Pastor and mine
If he is young, he lacks experience; if his hair is grey, he is too old; if he has five or six children, he has too many; if he has none,
he is setting a bad example. If his wife sings in the choir, she is being forward; if she does not, she is not interested in her husband’s work.
If he speaks from notes, he has canned sermons and is dry; if he is extemporaneous, he is not deep. If he spends too much time in his study, he neglects his people; if he is visible, he is a gadabout. If he is attentive to the poor, he is playing to the grandstand; if to the wealthy, he is trying
to be an aristocrat.
If he suggests improvements for the church, he is a dictator; if he makes no suggestion, he is a figurehead. If he uses too many illustrations, he neglects the bible; if not enough, he is not clear.
If he condemns wrong, he is cranky; if he does not, he is a compromiser. If he preaches the truth, he is offensive; if not , he is a hypocrite. If he preaches an hour; he is windy; if less, he is lazy.
If he fails to please everybody; he is hurting the church; if he does please everybody, he has no convictions. If he preaches tithing, he is a money grabber; if he does not, he is failing to develop his people.
If he receives a large salary, he is mercenary; if a small salary, it proves he is not worth much. If he preaches all the time, the people get tired of hearing one man; if he invites guests preachers, he is shirking responsibility.
SO WHAT! They say the preacher has an easy time.

「我喜歡這裡的音樂」 她回答說,「但是廣告太長了。」

The little girl went to church for the first time. As she was leaving with her parents, the minister asked how she had liked church.” I liked the music,” she replied, “but the commercial was too long.”

Funny how a $20 bill looks so big when we take it to church and so small when we take it to the store.
Funny how big an hour serving GOD looks and how small 60 minutes are when spent playing golf, fishing, etc.
Funny how laborious it is to read a chapter in the Bible and how easy it is to read 3,000 pages of a best selling novel.
Funny how we believe what newspapers say but question what the Bible says.
Funny how we can’t think of anything to say when we pray and don’t have any difficulty thinking of things to talk to about to a friend.
Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks to fit a church event into our schedule, but can adjust it for a social event at the last minute.
Funny how folks want to sit on the front row at a ball game or concert, but scramble to get a back seat at church services.
Funny how difficult to memorize scripture to share the simple gospel Message but how easy to hear and repeat gossip.



Bulletin Health
Hold this paper close to your nose and breath deeply.

If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.
If it turns blue, see your dentist.
If it turns red, see your bank manager.
If it turns black, you need to check your will so see your lawyer immediately.

If, however, it does not change color, then there is nothing wrong with you and so there is no reason why you should not be in church again next week.

A group of women were talking together. One woman said, “Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday.”

Another said, “That’s nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven.”

A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, “Why, it’s so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister says ‘dearly beloved,’ it makes me blush.”

一個小鎮有4 個教會分別是長老會,衛理公會,天主教徒和浸信會。
全部4 間教堂都有一個嚴重的松鼠問題。每間教堂都開了會,決定用他們自己的方法去處理松鼠的問題。
那些衛理公會教徒決定他們應該在查理斯‧韋斯利的風格裡寬宏大量的處理松鼠。 他們仁慈、小心翼翼的捕捉這些松鼠‧並且在城的邊緣一個公園中釋放他們。在3天內,這些松鼠全部又回到教堂中。

A small town had four churches Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic and Baptist.
All four had a serious problem with squirrels in the church. Each church in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem.
The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.
The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days, they were all back in the church.
The Catholics also humanely trapped them and attempted to teach them the “rhythm” method which of course did not work.
The Baptists had the best solution. They voted the squirrels in as members. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

- 不要乘坐汽車: 20%的致命意外由汽車引起的。
- 不要留在家:17%的意外事故發生在家裡。
- 不要走在街上或人行道:14%的意外事故發生在行人身上。
- 不要搭乘飛機,火車,或船:16%的意外事故發生於此。
- 只有0.001%的死亡發生在教堂禮拜,而些這些都與先前已有的病痛有關。
所以,在任何時刻,最安全的地方就是教堂內。 [查經班更安全,它的百分比更少。]

For Safety’s Sake
- Do NOT ride in automobiles: they cause 20% of all fatal accidents.
- Do NOT stay home: 17% of all accidents do occur in the home.
- Do NOT walk on the streets or sidewalks: 14% of all accidents happen to pedestrians.
- Do NOT travel by air, rail, or water: 16% of all accidents happen on these.
- Only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are related to previous physical disorders.
Hence, the safest place for you to be at any time is church. [Bible study is safe, too. The percentage there is even less.]

Just before the beginning of the Sunday service at Saint Bartholomew’s on Fifth Avenue, New York City, a man wearing a large hat was discovered sitting in the front row. An usher moved to his pew, leaned in, and discreetly asked him to remove his hat. The man replied that he would not. The head usher was then summoned, made the same request, and received the same answer. About that time the president of the women of the parish arrived and was asked to assist. She had the same dismal result. Finally, with only two minutes remaining before the opening hymn, the senior warden of the parish was summoned. He tiptoed up beside the man and tried to seize the hat, but the man nimbly dodged and there was no time for further attempts.
As the opening hymn began and the procession entered the church the man stood, removed his hat and did not put it on again.
At the conclusion of the service, the four frustrated people waited for the man at the rear of the church. The senior warden approached him and said, “Sir, about the hat: perhaps you don’t understand, but in our church men do not wear hats at worship.” The man replied, “Oh but I do understand. I’ve been part of this denomination all my life. As a matter of fact, I’ve been coming to this church regularly for two years and I’ve never met a soul. But this morning I’ve met an usher, the head usher, the president of the church women, and the senior warden.”

牧師生氣的去找了長老們抱怨:「各位,這個人每個禮拜對我的信息都有批評」 。

A young preacher was working with a congregation at which one man, every Sunday, would have something negative to say. It didn't matter what the preacher spoke on, this man always criticized it.
One Sunday he said, “That's about the sorriest sermon I ever heard.”

The next Sunday the man came by and said, “Do you call that a sermon?”

The third Sunday he said, “That is about the nearest nothing sermon I think I ever heard.”

The preacher got so upset that he went to the elders and said, “Gentlemen, every Sunday this man has some negative comment to make about my preaching.”

One of them said, “Oh, don't pay any attention to him.
He's just a half-wit. All he can say is what he repeats from other people...”

Dear Pastor:

You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the following reasons and the number of times indicated:
Christmas (Sunday before or after)
New Year (Party lasted too long)
Easter (Get away for holidays)
July 4 (National holiday)
Labor Day (Need to get away)
Memorial Day (Visit hometown)
School Closing (Kids need break)
School Opens (One last fling)
Family Reunions (Mine & wife’s)
Sleep late (Saturday night activities)
Deaths in Family
Anniversary (Second honeymoon)
Sickness (One per family member)
Business Trips (A must)
Vacation (Three weeks)
Bad Weather (Ice, snow, rain, clouds)
Ball games
Unexpected Company (Can’t walk out)
Time changes (Spring ahead; fall back)
Special on TV (Super Bowl, etc.)
Pastor, that leaves only two Sundays per year. So, you can count on us to be in church on the fourth Sunday in February and the third Sunday in August unless providentially hindered.

A Faithful Member


During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!”
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, “Where is the water?”
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that the fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the doors hoping the fire would pass.
The fundamentalist proclaimed, “It’s the vengeance of God!”
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.

Good News/Bad News for Ministers
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.
Good News: The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.
Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.
Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.
Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the “Gong Show,” “Beavis and Butthead” and “Texas Chain Saw Massacre.”
Good News: Your women’s softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men’s softball team.
Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.
Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.
Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war.
Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.
Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News: It’s in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to “decorate” your house.

The results of a computerized survey indicate the perfect minister preaches exactly fifteen minutes. He condemns sins but never upsets anyone. He works from 8:00 AM until midnight and is also a janitor. He makes $50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 weekly to the poor. He is 28 years old and has preached 30 years. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens. The perfect minister smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on congregation families, shut-ins and the hospitalized, and is always in his office when needed.
If your minister does not measure up, simply send this letter to six other churches that are tired of their minister, too. Then bundle up your minister and send him to the church on the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1,643 ministers and one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this procedure.

一個主日的早上,一位老牛仔來到一間教堂剛好趕上崇拜聚會。雖然他和衣著看起來都很乾淨,卻穿著牛仔褲、棉布襯衫和老舊長筒靴 、頭上戴著一頂舊帽子、手上拿著一本舊聖經。



下一個主日,老牛仔穿著相同的襤褸的牛仔衣著又回到這間教堂,同樣地會眾迴避著他、忽視他; 牧師過來跟他說, 「我想我曾經請你和神談一下、」

One Sunday an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.

Although the old man and his clothes were clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn. He carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.

The church was in a very upscale part of the city, the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were likewise upscale, dressed with the most expensive of clothes.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were appalled at his appearance and didn’t attempt to hide it. The preacher gave a long sermon and a lecture on how much money the church needed to do God’s work.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. “Before you come back, have a talk with God and ask him what He thinks would be appropriate attire for worship.” The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he returned to the same church wearing the same ragged jeans. Again, the congregation shunned and ignored him. Again, the preacher approached him and said, “I thought I asked you to speak to God”.... “

“I did,” replied the old cowboy.

“What exactly did God say was the proper attire for worshiping here?” asked the preacher.

“Well, sir, God told me that He didn’t have a clue what I should wear. He says He’s never been in this church.”


「神父,我希望你能原諒我這樣講」 這個人開口說,「我從來不去教會。」

「為什麼不呢?」 神父問。

「坦白地說 ,我之所以不去,是因為那裡有那麼多偽君子。」

「這不應該讓你避開」 神父和藹地微笑著。 「總有空間多加一個人。」

Father O’Malley, who had been invited to show that God was on the side of the Democratic Party, found himself sitting next to a disbeliever.

“I hope you’ll forgive me for saying so, Father,” said the miscreant, opening up a conversation, “but I never go to church.”

“Why not?” asked the priest.

“Frankly, sir, the reason I don’t go is because there are so many hypocrites there.”

“That shouldn’t keep you away,” retorted the good Father, smiling blandly. “There’s always room for one more.”

The Ideal Pastor
The ideal pastor is difficult to find. But if your church is fortunate, you may be able to secure his services. Since he is the ideal pastor, it won’t cost very much - he lives by faith. Yet he can be counted upon to tithe heavily and still be able to afford a large house in which he will regularly entertain the entire congregation.

He loves the older folks of the church, visiting them regularly. Besides this, he spends all of his time with the young people. The glow on his face reveals his secret. He’s spent many hours on his knees before God. However, he’s always available to anyone who drops by for a friendly chat. What’s a half-hour out of his schedule since he only works on Sunday anyway.

The ideal pastor loves to disciple new converts and gives full-time attention to calling on the elderly, ill, and shut-in. He has a model family, is always in the church office when you call and is busy at the hospital, just looking for a soul to comfort. He would never miss a church function, and attends every function sponsored by the ministerial association. In addition, he meets all his neighbors and civic leaders within the community and wins their hearts too.

The ideal pastor has a worldwide ministry through television, radio, tapes, and books and he travels extensively preaching the Word. He still has time, however, to listen to everyone’s problems and wants to be updated on the progress of your bunions and backaches.

The ideal pastor is only 29 and has been preaching 30 years. He preaches sermons that win the hearts of the lost and inspire the minds of the mature. He produces miracles like Smith Wigglesworth, teaches faith like Kenneth Hagin, evangelizes like Billy Graham, has the eloquence of Spurgeon and the fervor of Moody. Yet he is so profoundly simple that even preschoolers are blessed. Teenagers take notes on his sermons.

The ideal pastor comprehends the complexity of church finances, has mastery of the church budget, and never talks about money. He is a strong believer in holiness and church discipline and never speaks a stern word to anyone.

The ideal pastor is easily spotted. Just look for the man dressed in the latest style suit and color coordinated outfit. He found it at the bottom of the missionary barrel, but knows how important it is to impress well-to-do newcomers with clothes that say “success” and “achievement.”

The ideal pastor is tall, short, lean, and husky, with brown hair and blond hair. He has a deep, resonant voice which, because it is quietly loud, pleases everyone and is audible to the hard of hearing. He can sing, lead music, and delegates authority to everyone. Besides this, he helps each layman and does all the things other people are too busy to do. In short, he keeps the entire church and each family running smoothly.

You are probably sure by now that you don’t have the ideal pastor. Take heart! You can easily re-shape your present pastor. He should listen to what you say, after all, he is God’s servant.

On the other hand, if you happen to have the ideal pastor, just wait a little while and you won’t. He’ll be confined to a room at the hospital.

There is an alternative: love the pastor you do have and pray for him. You prayed, God answered, and now you have him - at least until he finds the ideal church full of ideal church members.

(Modified slightly from The Evangelical Beacon, magazine of the Evangelical Free Church of America, copyright 1984)

一位年輕的牧師剛剛向會眾宣布,因他已接受別處的呼招,需要在此辭職。聚會後他照慣例站在門旁道別會友們,一個老婦人走近他,她的眼睛充滿了淚水。老婦人抽泣著說:「哦,牧師,我很遺憾你已經決定離開。這裡將不會像過去一樣了」。年輕人有些受寵若驚,但同樣的把婦人的雙手握住,並用最善意回答說 「親愛的夫人,上帝保佑妳 ,我相信上帝會給這教會的新牧師,甚至比我更好」她強忍抽泣的回答 「他們都是這麼說的,但是一個還是比一個糟」。

The young preacher had just announced to his congregation that he was requesting the dissolution of the pastoral relationship in order to accept another call. He was standing at the door after the service and greeting people, as preachers are wont to do, when one of the elderly saints approached him, her eyes swimming with tears. She sobbed, “Oh, pastor, I’m so sorry you’ve decided to leave. Things will never be the same again.” The young man was flattered, but was equal to the situation and took her hands in his and most benevolently replied, “Bless you, dear lady, but I’m sure that God will send you a new pastor even better than I.” She choked back a sob and was heard to say, “That’s what they all say, but they keep getting worse and worse.”

The church was bowed in grief this week to learn that one of our most valuable members, Someone Else, passed away. This death creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Someone Else has been with us for many years, he did far more that a normal person’s share of the work. Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonderful person was looked to for inspiration as well as results. Whenever there was a job to do, a class to teach, or a meeting to attend, one name was on everyone’s mind: “Let Someone Else Do It!” Someone Else was also among the largest givers of the chruch. Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just assumed that Someone Else would make up the difference. This beloved church member was a wonderful person, sometims appearing super-human but a person can only do so much. Everybody expected to much from Someone Else. Now Someone Else is gone. Who will pitch in to do the things that Someone Else did? If you are asked to take a job in the church, we hope you won’t reply, “Let Someone Else Do It!” Now we need you to pick up where Someone Else left off!

但後來有人說:“等一下!燈在哪裡?這裡實在是很黑,教會將如何被點亮呢?”貴族指著牆壁上的托架,然後他給每個家庭一盞燈,要他們每一次崇拜都帶來。 “每次你在這裡'”貴族說,“你坐的地方會被點亮;每次你不在這裡,那個地方就會是暗的。這是為了提醒你,只要你不來教會,神的家有些部分將會是暗的“

Several centuries ago in a mountain village in Europe, a wealthy nobleman wondered what legacy he should leave to his townspeople। He made a good decision. He decided to build them a church. No one was permitted to see the plans or the inside of the church until it was finished. At its grand opening, the people gathered and marveled at the beauty of the new church.

Everything had been thought of and included. It was a masterpiece.

But then someone said, “Wait a minute! Where are the lamps? It is really quite dark in here। How will the church be lighted?” The nobleman pointed to some brackets in the walls, and then he gave each family a lamp, which they were to bring with them each time they came to worship. “Each time you are here’“ the nobleman said, “the place where you are seated will be lighted. Each time you are not here, that place will be dark. This is to remind you that whenever you fail to come to church, some part of God’s house will be dark”

主日學老師在上教堂的途中問孩子們,「有人知道為什麼在教會聚會時需要安靜嗎?」 一個聰明的小女孩回答說:「因為大家都在睡覺。」

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”


Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, “Ya know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with mice in my church. I’ve tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. The second Pastor then said “Yea, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I’ve set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won’t go away.” With a on his face, the third Pastor said, “I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church... Haven’t seen one back since!!!”




After church on Sunday morning, Little Johnny suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up.

“That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?”

“Well,” Little Johnny replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and get yelled at.”







The Sunday sermon was long and tedious, especially for the six year old boy, who squirmed through most of it.

“What does the pastor do the rest of the week,” the boy asked as he and his father headed home?”

“Oh,” his father responded, “he has plenty to do.” He counsels people with problems all week long, he visits the sick, conducts funerals and weddings writes the church bulletin. And then there’s a lot of hard work preparing his Sunday sermon.”

“Hard work? The Sermon?”

“Yeah,’ said the father, “he works hard on that sermon.”

“Well, listening to it ain’t easy either.”




A Protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic.

The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said, “You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic.” And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house.

They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying, “You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are fish.”




In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates investigated by the committee, only one was found to have the necessary qualities. The list contains the names of the candidates and comments on each, should you be interested in investigating them further for future pastoral placements.

JOHN: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie. He would not feel comfortable at a church potluck supper.
PETER: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ publicly.
PAUL: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, his appearance is contemptible, and he preaches far too long.
TIMOTHY: He has potential, but is much too young for the position.
JESUS: He tends to offend church members with his preaching, especially Bible scholars. He is also too controversial. He even offended the search committee with his pointed questions.
JUDAS: He seemed to be very practical, co-operative, good with money, cares for the poor, and dresses well. We all agreed that he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.

Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with our pastoral search.
Pastoral Search Committee Chairman




Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

一張一美元的鈔票遇見一張20美元的鈔票並且說,「喂,你一直在哪兒呢? 我很久都沒有在周圍看見你了。」

這20 元美鈔回答說,「我常常在娛樂場,豪華客輪並且周游世界,並且剛剛回到美國,又參加了兩場棒球比賽,再到商業區轉了一圈兒,就這些吧。 你怎么樣?」

一美元的鈔票說,「你知道,都是老地方︰ 教堂,教堂,教堂。 」

A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff: church, church, church.”



1) 外在的逼迫:來自國家、地方政府,或其他宗教團體。
2) 內在的逼迫:基督徒彼此鬥爭、互相逼迫。
3) 毫無逼迫:因為教會根本不值得逼迫,教會的價值觀和生活型態早已和不敬虔的社會融成一片;鹽已失去鹹味,被踐踏在社會腳下,根本沒有人會注意到它。(《改變世界的家》,148)

Quotes引證 :
I can recall the time -- eighteen years ago, in May of 1950 -- when I first came out to Palo Alto, right after graduation from Dallas Seminary, and spoke for the first time to the little group that was meeting in the Community Center. I remember the story I used to introduce that message. It was of a stranger who was visiting a certain town and who stopped one of the natives and asked him where the churches were located. This fellow happened to be something of a wag, and he said, “Well, the Episcopal church is down by the theater, the synagogue is next to the bank, the Presbyterian church is over by the cemetery, the Methodist church is next to the golf course, and the Baptists are down by the river.” Ray Stedman

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn’t belong.

Percentage of new church members who have come from another church: 80 (Leadership Summer 1992)

If I ever begin to feel like a minister, I’ll get out of the ministry. Joe Aldrich

A church built by the flesh and a church built by the Spirit can look the same. That’s scary. Joe Aldrich

You can tell how popular the church is by Sunday attendance, the pastor is by evening service and Jesus is by prayer meeting.

Tradition is the living faith of the dead and traditionalism is the dead faith of the living. Jarislav Pelican

A religion that gives nothing, costs nothing, and suffers nothing, is worth nothing. Martin Luther.
Of all bad men religious bad men are the worst. C.S. Lewis

Finding a church is not so much as finding the right one but avoiding the wrong ones. Art Lum

The church is not a club of saints; it is a hospital for sinners.

The Bank (of England) finds itself in a position rather like a church whose congregation attends weddings and burials but ignores the sermons. Mervyn King (Bank of England governor)

To love to preach is one thing, to love those to whom we preach is quite another. Richard Cecil

I trust I am not one who pounds because he can't expound. Vance Havener

Never think of giving up preaching! The angels around the throne envy you and your great work! Alexander Whyte

One proof of the inspiration of Scripture is that it has withstood so many years of poor preaching. A.T. Robertson

It is possible to be homiletically brilliant, verbally fluent, theologically profound, biblically orthodox and spirtually useless if we focus upon our gifts and abilities instead instead of the Giver of those gifts. G. Campbell Morgan