MISSIONS 差傳
「每年六月中，差會都在總部附近舉辦為期三周的準備宣教十訓練營。獲挑選入訓練營的都是準宣教士。這年，有二十二位準宣教士受訓。這些準宣教十年寧不一，當中有一對是六十多歲的夫婦，退休後才加入我們的差會，也有很多青年夫婦攜著幼兒入營，還有一些是單身人士。他們都有一些共通之處，就是歡喜選一些富挑戰性的地方作工場，有五個人選了蒙古，另外四人將去東歐，有六人去共產國家，有兩人到巴基斯坦，最開心是有三人選了印尼，也有一些還未決定的。」 嚴鳳山，我愛咖喱鄉，105 頁
「(我) 十年才見一個印度教徒接受耶穌是唯一的救主。」嚴鳳山，我愛咖喱鄉，208 頁
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MISTAKES 犯錯
電影「基督的受難」帶出一個很奇特又超乎尋常的故事。21歲的丹利奇 (Dan Randall Leach II) 是一位來自德州南部的男士，他看了電影以後便承認自己是殺害懷孕女友的兇手，本來女友的死亡早先被判定是一椿自殺案。原來利奇跟她的女朋友交往了三到五個月，顯然利奇想要結束他們之間的關係。
檢方立刻控告利奇犯了謀殺罪。法律執行官員說：那位男士是看了「基督的受難」後，深受感動之下，才承認自己的罪狀。一位代理官員 (Lt. Jim Pokluda) 被訪問時說：「這電影很感人，它會使一個人重新思想自己所犯的過錯。」代理官員說利奇承認自己用一根細繩，扼殺19歲的女友阿什利‧威爾遜 (Ashley Nicole Wilson)，然後使她的死亡看起來像是自殺案。受害者的母親發現她的女兒死在休斯頓西南方，大約30英里的單身公寓中。
調查官說女方的屍體幾乎兩個月後才被發現，利奇去看「基督的受難」之後，在3月7日他上了教堂，說他需要承認一樁罪行，並自行開車到郡縣治安官的辦公室自首。[i]
[i] Los Angeles Times, March 26, 2004 “'Passion' Prompts Man to Confess.”
An unlikely and bizarre story emerged from the screening of the movie “The Passion of the Christ.” Dan Randall Leach II, 21, a southern Texas man from Rosenberg, Texas, confessed to the killing of his pregnant girlfriend, whose death had earlier been tentatively ruled a suicide. The pair had been dating for three to five months, and it appeared that Leach wanted to end the relationship.
Leach was promptly charged with first-degree murder. Law enforcement officers said the man confessed after seeing “The Passion of the Christ,” saying the film helped persuade him to come forward. Fort Bend County, Texas, Sheriff's Lt. Jim Pokluda said in an interview: “It's a very strong movie. It would make a man think twice about any sin that he has committed.” Pokluda said Leach confessed to strangling his girlfriend, 19-year-old Ashley Nicole Wilson, with a cord and then staging the death to make it appear she had committed suicide. The victim's mother found her daughter dead in her studio apartment in Richmond about 30 miles southwest of Houston.
Investigators said nearly two months after the body was found, Leach went to see “The Passion of the Christ,” and on March 7, he went to church, announced that he needed to confess a crime and drove himself to the sheriff's office. (Los Angeles Times, March 26, 2004 “'Passion' Prompts Man to Confess.”)
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一位上了年紀的木匠作好了退休的準備。他告訴老闆他準備離開建築行業，與老伴和兒孫們一起共享天倫之樂，過一種更悠閒自得的生活。雖然他因此而少了份薪水，但他想退休了。至於日子嘛，還可以湊合著過。
眼看這位優秀的木工就要離去，老闆很遺憾。他問木工可否為了他個人幫忙再建一所房子。木工答應了，可明眼人一眼就看得出來，此時他做事心不在焉，做出的活兒技藝粗糙，用的料也沒那麼講究了。他就這樣為自己的建築生涯劃上了句號，真是令人遺憾。
房子建好後，老闆過來看新房並交給木工一把前門鑰匙，說：「這房子歸你了，我送給你的禮物。」
多麼讓人吃驚，多麼讓人羞愧啊！假如他知道在為自己造房，他會做得大不一樣。現在他不得不住在自己建造的那所粗製濫造的房子裡了。
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.
The employer was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.
When the carpenter finished his work and the employer came to inspect the house and handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.
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Wheelchairs, figures of the Buddhist goddess of mercy Kwun Yum and wigs are among 4,000 items left behind on buses each month, according to KMB. The Octopus card was the object most commonly left behind, constituting 13 percent of the total, Wong Hon-chuen, operations manager of KMB’s Lai Chi Kok depot, said.
Hong Kong dollars, purses and mobile phones followed, at 10, 9 and 8 per cent of the total respectively. Hong Kong identity cards are ranked fifth, at 7 percent.
Bulky items did not make it to the top of the list, but they are also commonly seen by the staff from the lost-property section. They include baby strollers, fishing rods, drills and computer circuitry.
There are musical instruments, including violins and erhu. Wheelchairs and walking stick were also among the forgotten items.
“Forgot Your Wheelchair on the bus? KMB Ensures All is Not Lost” (Excerpt)
South China morning Post August 20, 2009
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Who Am I?
I am frequently most potent in the morning, but I am willing to abide
with you at any time.
I am what you feel if you get married or if you do not get married.
I am what the after-dinner speaker says he feels because he came
unprepared, and what the listeners show they feel without saying it.
I come to you when youth leaves you.
I am yours when that sarcastic person drops a remark which you cannot
fittingly answer, and I am doubled when you are later alone and think
of just the brilliant retort you should have given.
I am what overwhelms you when you suffer an overwhelming financial
loss.
I am the vainest of the vain.
I am regret!
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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兩個猶太法典學生來到佢地的祭司面前，慟哭道：「祭司，我們犯了罪孽!」
祭司問佢地：「咁你們做左的咩啊?」
「我們望著女人時，充滿了性慾! 」
「神保佑你們！」祭司哭泣著說：「你們犯了很可怕的罪孽!」
「祭司，我們希望可以贖罪。」
「對於這件事，我命令你們將豌豆放在鞋里面，然後一星期內都要穿著有豌豆的鞋行路。咁你們可能就會記得不再犯這種罪孽了。」
這兩個學生走了之後就照暮祭司所講的去做。幾日之後，他們在街上相遇。一個就很痛苦地蹣跚地行著，而且看上去很憔悴，而另一個就很鎮定，而且面帶微笑。因此，行得很痛苦的那個人就責備他的朋友：「你這樣做就算係贖罪嗎?我見到你沒有跟隨祭司的指示去做，你沒有將豌豆放在鞋裡面! 」
另一個人很堅定地說：「我當然有跟隨祭司的指示去做，只不過我先將豌豆煮熟。」
Two students of the Talmud came to their rabbi and wailed: “Rabbi, we’ve committed a sin!” “What have you done?” “We looked with lust upon a woman!” “God preserve you!” cried the rabbi. “You’ve committed a terrible sin!:” “We wish to do penance, Rabbi!” “In that case, I order you to put peas into your shoes and walk about that way for a week. Then perhaps you’ll remember not to commit such a sin again.
The two penitents went away and did as the rabbi told them. Several days later they met on the street. One was hobbling painfully and looked haggard, but the other one was calm and smiling. So the hobbler said to his fried reproachfully, “Is this the way you do penance? I see you haven’t followed the rabbi’s orders. You didn’t put peas in your shoes!” “Of course I did!” insisted the other. “But I cooked them first!”
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一天下午，一名男子前去看醫並告訴他他最近覺得不太好。醫生檢查該名男子離開房間，带回來三瓶不同的藥丸。 醫生說「當你早上醒來吃綠色藥丸配一大杯水。午飯後取藍色藥丸喝一大杯水。 然後睡覺前，吃紅色藥丸再配另一大杯水。」
該名男子很驚訝要吃這麼多藥丸，結結巴巴地問：「Jeez醫生，究竟我發生什麼問題？」 醫生回覆說「你喝不足够的水。」
One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor said, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, “Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?”
The doctor replied, “You’re not drinking enough water.”
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有個男士，他因患上了焦慮症而需要看醫生。
佢同醫生講：「醫生，你要救我啊。我覺得自己就要死了，無論我點到身體既任何一個部位，佢都會痛。我點到個頭，就頭痛。我點到我隻腳，就腳痛。我點到個胃，就胃痛。我點到個胸，胸就痛。你要幫我啊，醫生，我身體既任何一個部位，都會痛啊。」
於是，醫生就幫佢做左個詳細的檢查，跟住就同佢講：「 史密夫 先生，有個好消息和一個壞消息要同你講。好消息係你唔會死，壞消息係你斷左隻手指。」
A man went to see his doctor in an acute state of anxiety. “Doctor,” he said, “you have to help me. I’m dying. Everywhere I touch it hurts. I touch my head and it hurts. I touch my leg and it hurts. I touch my stomach and it hurts. I touch my chest and it hurts. You have to help me, Doc, everything hurts.”
The doctor gave him a complete examination. “Mr. Smith,” he said, “I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is you are not dying. The bad news is you have a broken finger.”
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The Difference Between You & Me
by Vernon Howard
You are as stubborn as a mule, but I am loyal to my noble beliefs.
You are a blabbermouth, but I am endlessly generous in contributing my wisdom to others.
You are pushy, but I take constructive initiative.
You are a shameless glutton, but I am a daring explorer in the world of food and drink.
You have cunning greed, but I have admirable ambition.
You express childish anger, but I firmly denounce all forms of injustice.
You are rude, but I am not afraid to say what I think.
You indulge in petty gossip, but I discuss other people in order to sympathize and help them.
You are lazy, but I possess relaxed patience.
You think the world owes you a living, but I wish only my rightful rewards so richly deserved.
You have an evil lust for power, but I have a natural talent for social leadership.
You nervously run from one foolishness to another, but I happily pursue many meaningful activities.
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Nigel的禮貌是眾所皆知的， 有一次他在早晨4:40時被一通電話吵醒… 「你的狗一質在叫， 吵的我沒辦法睡，」 一個很生氣的聲音傳來。 Nigel 謝謝打給他的人並在掛掉之前很有禮貌地詢問他的名字和電話。 隔天清晨， 在剛好4:40時， Bernard打回給他的鄰居， 「Mr。 Andrews， 早阿… 我只是要打來告訴你我沒有養狗。」
Nigel, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. . .
“Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.
Nigel thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.
The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back.
“Good morning, Mr. Andrews.... Just called to say that I don't have a dog.”
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當約瑟和吉米在外面砍材時，吉米砍斷他的手臂。約瑟把手臂裝進一個塑膠袋內，並帶吉米去見一個外科醫生。
外科醫生說﹕「你們真是幸運！我是一個肢體重接的專家！五小時後再來。」Joe便離去，五小時後，當他回來時外科醫生說﹕「我比預計還快完成手術。Jim目前在酒廊裏。」約瑟到了酒廊，吉米正在那里丟飛標。
幾個星期後，當約瑟和吉米再次砍材時，吉米砍斷他的腳。約瑟把腳裝進一個塑膠袋內，並帶吉米回去見那個外科醫生。
外科醫生說﹕「沒問題，但腳的手術是比較『硬』一點。八小時後再來。」約瑟便離去，八小時後當他回來時，外科醫生說﹕「我提前完成手術，吉米目前在足球場上。」約瑟來到足球場，吉米在那里正把球踢向球門。
幾個星期後，吉米遇到一個慘重意外，斷掉了頭顱。約瑟把頭放進一個塑膠袋內，帶著它和吉米的身體去見同樣的那位醫生。
外科醫生看過情況後說﹕「啊呀，頭可真夠『硬』。12小時後再來。」約瑟便離去，12小時後當他回來時，外科醫生歉意地說﹕「對不起，吉米已死了。」
Joe說﹕「我了解，頭是『硬』的。」
外科醫生說﹕「哦非也！手術是順利的，吉米是在塑膠袋內窒息的。」
Joe and Jim were out cutting wood, and Jim cut his arm off. Joe wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to a surgeon.
The surgeon said “You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in 5 hours.” So Joe left and when he returned in 5 hours the surgeon said “I got done quicker than I expected. Jim is down at the pub.” Joe went to the pub and there was Jim, throwing darts.
A few weeks later, Joe and Jim were cutting wood again, and Jim cut his leg off. Joe put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and Jim back to the surgeon.
The surgeon said “No problem, but legs are a little tougher. Come back in 8 hours.” Joe left and when he came back in 6 hours the surgeon said “I finished early, Jim's down at the soccer field.” Joe went down to the soccer field and there was Jim, kicking goals.
A few weeks later, Jim had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Joe put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of Jim to the surgeon.
The surgeon looked at the situation and said “Gosh, heads are really tough. Come back on 12 hours.” So Joe left and when he returned in twelve hours the surgeon said regretfully “I'm sorry, Jim died.”
Joe said “I understand - heads are tough.”
The surgeon said, “Oh no! The surgery went fine! Jim suffocated in that plastic bag.”
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1893年福特完成了汽車的發明工作，1903年開始設廠大量生產，給人類帶來不少方便，但同時也造成許多車禍及人命的損傷。為了要防止車禍的發生，福特汽車公司向全國提出懸賞防止車禍發生的圖案及標語。結果入選的作品為大家耳熟能詳的「停、看、聽」，亦即車子開到十字路口或平交道時，必須遵守先把車子停下來，再左右觀察看看，並傾聽一下有否來車。獲選者因而獲得一大筆獎金。可惜在幾年後，那位獲獎者開車到平交道時，因為沒有遵守自己所提出的標語，遂與火車相撞而車毀人亡。這樣的結果，好比『實行一兩，勝過一頓』，值得省思！
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記者訪問銀行行長，請他講出成功祕訣。
「四個字。」
「哪四個字？」
「正確決策。」
「怎樣才能作出正確決策？」
「兩個字。」
「哪兩個字？」
「經驗。」
「如何獲得經驗？」
「四個字。」
「哪四個字？」
「錯誤決策。」
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Quotes引證 :
It only takes a few minutes to find in others the faults we can’t discover in ourselves in a lifetime. (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
If you can mend a situation mend it; if you can’t mend it forget it. Ralph Waldo Trine.
If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
O God, when I am wrong, make me easy to change, and when I am right, make me easy to live with! Peter Marshall
Not admitting a mistake is a bigger mistake. Robert Half
The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. Theodore Roosevelt
Name the greatest of all inventions. Accident. Mark Twain
If you feel you have no faults, that makes another.
There are three times when you should never say anything important to a person: when he is tired, when he is angry, and when he has just made a mistake.
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MONEY 金錢
A prominent American who was visiting Argentina was asked by the president of the republic, “Why has South America gotten on so poorly and North America so well? What do you think is the reason?” The visitor replied, “I think the reason is the fact that the Spaniards came to South America seeking gold, while the Pilgrim Fathers came to North America seeking God.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 575)
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When a certain wealthy man died, his will could not be found. Since his wife and only son had preceded him in death, his possessions were sold at auction. Everything was disposed of except a picture of the son. Nobody seemed to want it until an elderly woman approached and pleaded with the auctioneer to let her have it for the few dollars in her possession. When he gave her the picture, she hugged it to her heart, for she had been the son’s nurse in his infancy and boyhood days. Attached to the back of the painting she discovered an envelope addressed to an attorney. Taking it to him, she was astonished to hear him exclaim, “Woman, you have a fortune! This is the man’s will, and in it he has left a large sum of money to anyone who loved his son enough to buy the picture.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 449)
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以前，有對很富有的父母，他們經常留下他們的子女不理，只是要求僕人代為照顧。只可惜，好景不常在，這對父母不再富裕了。他們請不起僕人來照顧他們的子女。有一晚，爸爸在完成了忙碌而又沮喪的一天工作之後，回到了家中，他的小女兒爬到他的膝蓋，摟住他的手臂說：「爸爸，不要再富裕了。當你富裕的時候，你就不會來托兒所啦，現在雖然不富裕，但我們可以和你一起，坐在你的膝蓋上，摟住你的手臂。爸爸，不要再再富裕。」(from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 469)
Once there were rich parents who left their children constantly in the care of servants. But, like the flower of the grass, riches passed by. The parents could not afford servants which necessitated their taking care of the children. One evening when the father had returned home after a busy and frustrating day at work, his little girl climbed upon his knee and twining her arms around his neck said: “Daddy, don’t get rich again. You did not come into the nursery when you were rich, but now we can be with you and get on your knee and kiss you. Don’t get rich again, Daddy.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 469)
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“You are to be more envied than anyone I know,” said a young man to a millionaire. “Why so?” responded the millionaire. “I am not aware of any cause for which I should be envied.” “What, sir!” exclaimed the young man in surprise. “Why, you are a millionaire! Think of the thousands your income brings every month!” “Well, what of that?” replied the millionaire. “All I get out of it is my food and clothes, and I can’t eat more than one man’s allowance and wear more than one suit of clothes at a time. Even you can do as much as I can, can’t you?” “Yes, but think of the hundreds of fine houses you own, and the rentals they bring you.” “What good does that do me?” replied the rich man. “I can only live in one house at a time. As for the money I receive for rents, why, I can’t eat or wear it; I can only use it to buy other houses for other people to live in; they are the beneficiaries, not I.” Then, finally, after a little more discussion, the millionaire turned to the young man and said: “I can tell you that the less you desire in this life, the happier you will be. All my wealth can’t buy a single day more of life, cannot buy back my youth, cannot procure power to keep off the hour of death. Then what will happen? In a few short years at most I must lie down in the grave and leave it all forever. Young man, you have no cause to envy me.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 472)
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威 廉占士 教授是哈佛大學的著名心理學家和一本很出名的書The Varieties of Religious Experience的作者，他說過一個故事。
有個老師問一個小男孩關於分數的問題：「假設你的媽媽切一個苹果批，有七個人，包括你的父母和5個子女，咁你會得到這個苹果批的幾分之幾? 」
「六分之一！」小男孩答道。
「但是，你們總共有七個人啊。」老師問道︰「難道你不知道關於分數的一切嗎？」
「老師，我知道。」小男孩答道：「我知道關於分數的一切，但我亦都知道我媽媽的一切。媽媽將會話她不想要任何的批！」
Professor William James, Harvard’s famous psychologist and the author of that well-known book, The Varieties of Religious Experience, said: “A teacher asked a boy this question on fractions: ‘Suppose that your mother baked an apple pie, and there were seven of you— your parents and five children. What part of the pie would you get?’ ‘A sixth, ma’am,’ the boy answered. ‘But there are seven of you,’ said the teacher. ‘Don’t you know anything about fractions?’ ‘Yes, teacher,’ replied the boy, ‘I know all about fractions, but I know all about Mother, too. Mother would say she did not want any pie!’” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 473)
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Battle lines drawn in fight for Nina Wang billions
(05-12 19:11)
A supposed will that left the late Nina Wang Kung Yu-sum's multibillion dollar estate to a fung shui adviser was likely part of a traditional Chinese ritual to improve her health and not a real will, a lawyer said.
But an opposing lawyer said his client, Tony Chan Chun-chuen, and the late Wang were lovers and that she wanted to bequeath her estate to him out of genuine affection.
In the second day of a trial to rule on two competing wills, a lawyer for the Chinachem Charitable Foundation, which is claiming the estate, said Wang was deeply superstitious and sought advice on fung shui, especially after she was diagnosed with cancer in January 2004.
The 2006 will that Chan, a fung shui adviser, claims leaves Wang's estate to him uses language that “has the flavor of a traditional life-extending ceremony,” Denis Chang told the High Court.
Wang also made three payments of HK$688 million to Chan, pictured second from far right at the Landmark in Central today, in 2005 and 2006 as part of the same effort to improve her health. Wang also ordered holes dug at properties developed by her company, Chinachem Group, to bring good luck, Chang said.
Chan's lawyer, Ian Mill, argued Chan and Wang were romantically involved and the will and cash payments were genuine gestures, because “he had been her confidante, her companion when possible and the object of her love for the last 15 years of her life.”
He said Chan has letters, videos and tape recordings of their conversations – even a pair of her pigtails – to back up the relationship, adding he frequently visited Wang at the hospital when she was dying.
“He was her companion to the end,” Mill said, adding Wang wanted to have children with Chan and got fertility treatments.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
More news: For Love or money
Fight for Little Sweetie's Billions Gets Weird
Chan Told Nina Kidnapped Husband was Alive
Contacter Tells of 80 Fung Shui Holes
A Feng Shui Master and a $4 Billion Estate
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In recession, a simple 'silver lining'
For many, it's back to basics
By Wendy Koch
USA TODAY
Shrinking paychecks and rising environmental concerns are prompting Americans to pare back their lifestyles.
“Perhaps the silver lining (of the recession) is that people are coming to realize they can live with less and their lives are richer for it,” says Michael Maniates, professor of political and environmental science at Allegheny College in Meadville, Pa.
A third, 32%, say they have been spending less and intend to make that their “new, normal” pattern; 27% say they are saving more and plan to continue, according to a Gallup Poll in April.
Nearly half of consumers, 47%, say they already have what they need, up from 34% in November 2006, according to the 2009 MetLife Study of the American Dream.
“People are feeling forced and inspired to get back to what is core to them,” says Julie Morgenstern, author of Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life. She says they're valuing objects less and experiences and people more.
Eric Dykstra, pastor of Crossing Church in Elk River, Minn., read Morgenstern's book, then ran across a blog by Dave Bruno of San Diego. Bruno launched a “100 Thing Challenge” in November and says he pared his own possessions to fewer than that.
Dykstra began encouraging members to reduce their personal possessions to 100 items. They took on the challenge ?although some counted treasures such as a shoe collection as one item.
“People have really taken this to heart,” Dykstra says. They donated so much to charity - boats, furniture, snowblowers - they filled a warehouse.
“The purpose was to break the hold of materialism,” he says. He went from five suits to one, from a dozen ties to two. “It was very freeing.”
http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/news/20090713/1asimplicity13_st.art.htm
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A confident report commissioned by the Hong Kong Jockey Club to estimate the impact of gambling junkets to Macau has estimated that between 4,000 and 8,000 Hong Kongers make 10 to 25 such trips to the city each year.
The report, by US consulting firm Spectrum Gaming Group, estimates that Hong Kong people lost about HK$13.5 billion in Macau's private VIP gambling rooms in 2007.
"Hong Kong Gamblers Lose Billions in Macau's VIP Rooms," May 4, 2009 scmp.com
Statistics: 80% of Hong Kong residents engage in some form of gambling, with the Mark 6 lottery being the most popular.
Statistics: Casino revenue in Macau grew to 108.77 billion patacas, overtaking Las Vegas strip and Atlantic city combined. It is estimated Macau's revenue from Hong Kongers at HK13.5 billion or 25% of total revenue in 2007.
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“Yes, sir,” said the trust magnate, proudly, “I am the architect of my own fortune.”
“Well,” rejoined the friendly critic, “all I’ve got to say is that it’s a lucky thing for you there were no building inspectors around when you were constructing it.”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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JUDGE “You let the burglar go to arrest an automobilist?”
POLICEMAN “Yes. The autoist pays a fine and adds to the resources of
the State; the burglar goes to prison, and the State has to pay for his keep.” Life.
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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A teacher of English in one of our colleges describes a money-lender as follows:
“He serves you in the present tense, lends in the conditional mood, keeps you in the subjective, and ruins you in the future.” (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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A tailor who had been wrongfully accused of murder, and who had an excellent defense, seemed very dejected when brought up for trial.
“What’s the trouble?” whispered the counsel, observing his client’s distress as he surveyed the jurymen.
“It looks very bad for me,” said the defendant, “unless some steps are taken to dismiss that jury and get in a new lot. There isn’t a man among them but owes me money for clothes.” (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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A big company offered $50 for each money-saving idea submitted by its employees. First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to $25.
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一個年輕人向一位富有的老農夫致富之道，老人說：「說來話長，不過在我告訴你我的故事之前，我們最好先把蠟燭省下。」接著他就把蠟燭吹滅了。
「您不必繼續說了」年輕人說：「我已經知道答案了！」
A young man called one evening on a rich old farmer to learn the farmer’s story of how he become rich. “It’s a long story,” said the old man, “and while I am telling it, we might as well save the candle,” and he blew the candle out.”
“You needn’t go on,” said the young man. “I understand”.
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Jorge Rodriguez was the meanest, orneriest bandit on the Texas-Mexico border. The guy would often slip across the line, raid the banks of South Texas, and steal ‘em blind Before they could catch him, he would race back into Mexico and hide out. No matter how hard the law tried, they could never catch him.
Finally the Texans got fed up with this nonsense and decided to put the toughest Texas Ranger they had on the case. Sure enough, that got the job done. After only a few days of searching, the Ranger found the bandit in a dingy, dusty saloon south of the border. He bolted into the bar, pulled both guns, and yelled, “Okay, stick ‘em up, Jorge; you’re under arrest! I know you’ve got the money.”
Suddenly a little guy over in the corner butted in. “Wait, wait...just a minute senor,” he said. “Jorge does not speak English. He’s an amigo, so I’ll translate for you.”
The Ranger explained, “Look, we know he’s the bandit we’ve been looking for. We know he’s taken thousand s and thousands of dollars- about a million bucks, actually. We want it back now. Either he pays up or I’ll fill him full of holes. You tell him that!”
“Okay, okay! I’ll tell him...I’ll tell him.” So the little fellow turned to Jorge and repeated in Spanish everything the Ranger has said. The Texas Ranger, not knowing a word of the language, waited for the bandit’s reply.
Jorge listened, frowned, and then responded in Spanish, “Okay, they got me. Tell him to go down to the well just south of town, count four stones down from the top of the well, then pull out the one loose stone. All the money I have stolen I’ve hidden behind the stone.”
Then the clever little translator turned to the Texas Ranger and translated with a shrug, “Jorge says, “Go ahead, you big mouth; go ahead and shoot ‘cause I’m not telling you where the money is.”
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Don’t give us blessings; give us grace to be obedient to Your every command and desire.
Don’t give us status; give us a place to serve.
Don’t give us things for our use; use us.
Don’t give us good jobs; put us to work.
Don’t give us pleasure; give us perspective.
Don’t give us satisfaction; teach us sacrifice.
Don’t give us entertainment; enable us.
Don’t give us good salaries; give us strength to do Your will.
Don’t give us a mansion to live in; give us a springboard to take Christ’s love to the world.
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一位拉比在路上走著，遇見一位正在抽煙的富有的胖男人；
拉比指責他說，「你為什麼抽煙，那是非常不好的習慣。」
男人抱歉著回答，說，「我因吃的太飽了 抽煙可以幫助消化。」
後來、拉比又遇見一位正在抽煙的貧窮的瘦男人；
拉比嚴厲的教訓他說，「你為什麼抽煙，你難到不知道那是非常不好的習慣。」
貧窮的瘦男人低聲地抱歉著說，「我抽煙是為了擺脫那饑餓的痛苦折磨。」
拉比向天上仰望著禱告，「世上的主啊 祢的公義何在呢 ? 如果那富有的胖男人可以將他的晚飯分一部份給那貧窮的瘦男人、那麼他們倆人都會更健康更快樂、 也不會抽煙。」
A rabbi was walking along the road when he met a fat rich man who was smoking.
“Why do you smoke? It’s an awful vice!” he rebuked him.
“I smoke to help me digest my diner. I overate,” apologized the man.
Further on the rabbi met a thin poor man who was also smoking.
“Why do you smoke? Don’t you know it’s a terrible vice?” the rabbi lectured him severely.
“I smoke to drive away the pangs of hunger,” murmured the thin poor man apologetically.
The rabbi then lifted his eyes to heaven, and prayed: “Lord of the World! Where is Your Justice? If only the fat rich man would give the poor thin man some of his dinner both of them would be healthier and happier, and neither of them would have to smoke!”
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從前，有個賣馬的商人帶著一隻牛，跟人說：「這隻牛會痾金，你想唔想買起佢啊？」有個人聽到，認為他可以在這隻牛身上賺到很多錢，於是他用一個很貴的價錢買走了這隻牛。過了幾日，隻牛都係沒有痾金。於是，這個買家就去找那個賣馬的商人。那個商人說：「如果你不讓隻牛食金，隻牛當然不會痾金啦。」
Once a horse dealer came leading a cow and said, “This cow drops gold. Would you like to buy it?” A man who heard him thought he could make money on the cow and bought it for a big price right away. Several days went by without the cow dropping gold. Then the buyer went to the horse dealer to see about it. The dealer said, “if you do not feed the cow gold, it will not drop gold.”
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Sophie Tucker:
From birth to age 18,
a girl needs good parents,
from 18 to 35
she needs good looks,
from 35 to 55
she needs
a good personality,
and from 55 on
she needs cash. (Life 101 p 302)
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Sister Carol Anne O-Marie is a nun in Oakland, California, who writes mystery novels about an elderly nun playing detective. According to Leigh Weiners of the San Jose Mercury, Sister O-Marie was once approached by a Hollywood company to turn her novels into a television series.
She was told that it would help dramatically if the central character were younger, had a drinking problem, and perhaps had an illicit love affair before she donned the habit. When the author declined to contemplate such changes, the television producer tried the ultimate argument:
“You’re turning down a chance, Sister, to make a lot of money.”
“What would I do with it?” replied the nun, who had taken a vow of poverty, “I’m not going to live in a nicer convent.”
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A socialist once came to see Andrew Carnegie and soon was railing against the injustice of Carnegie having so much money. In his view, wealth was meant to be divided equally. Carnegie asked his secretary for an assessment of everything he owned and at the same time he looked up the figures on world population. He did a little arithmetic on a pad and then said to his secretary, “Give this gentleman 16 cents. That’s his share of my wealth.”
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A reader (Katherine Poehlmann L.A. Times 7/25/94) tells of mom’s advice:
Age 2: Don’t.
Age 6: Don’t waste.
Age 10: Don’t waste time.
Age 16: Don’t waste time on men.
Age 20: Don’t waste time on men with no money.
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Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 .......... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ...........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 .......... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ........... $33.60 per gallon
Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 .... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ........ $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ........ . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .........$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 16 oz $1.79..........$14.32 per gallon for WATER!!!!
So, the next time you’re at the pump, be glad your car doesn’t run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or even worse, Pepto Bismol or Nyquil.
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有一個原住民坐在椰子樹下休息著 路過的一個英國人對他說， 「天阿！ 你在做什麼呢 ? 懶洋洋的坐著、怎麼不去忙著開發土地、礦產、建設城市。」
非洲人問，「為什麼？」
英國人回答，說，「建立商業 」
「建立商業是為了什麼？」
「你就能賺很多錢。」
「錢有什麼好呢？」
「錢可以讓你能夠悠閒 」
「悠閒可以讓我做什麼呢？」
「可以讓你能夠休息。」
「為什麼要做那麼多事？我現在不就在休息嗎？」原住民問。
Once a native was seated under a coconut tree resting when addressed by a passing Englishman. “My, my, what are you doing for yourself, just idly sitting there? Why don’t you get busy and develop your fields, these mines, and build cities?”
The African asked, “What for?”
The Englishman replied, “To establish commerce.”
“Commerce for what?” the puzzled native queried.
“So you can make lots of money.”
“What good is money?”
“Money will bring you leisure.”
“What’ll I do with leisure?”
“Then you can rest.”
“But why do all that,” asked the native, “when I’m resting now?”
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貧賤之交不可忘，糟糠之妻不下堂 《後漢書 宋弘傳》
宋弘是東漢光武帝時代的名臣，官至大司馬（即陸軍司令官）。光武帝相當欣賞他的才華與為人，時光武帝的姐姐新寡，於是帝乃有意賜婚，撮合二人。
但宋弘卻以這兩句話謝絕了光武帝的好意。他的意思是說：貧賤時所交的朋友，在自己飛黃騰達時，絕不可忘記。而長年同甘共苦的妻子，一旦富貴榮華時，也絕不能予以拋棄，反之要對其體貼愛護有加。
其實，相同的故事也曾發生在光武的先祖西漢宣帝身上。漢宣帝自幼長於民間，在其還未登基時，也曾娶了一位民女許氏為妻。後來宣帝即位，霍光掌權，欲把女兒嫁宣帝為后，可是這位有情有意的皇帝不忘糟糠之情，加以拒絕，並馬上封許氏為后。
光武帝也是來自民間，可是他顯然忘了這段歷史，真貴人多忘事呀！
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史坦力。瓊斯說：『金錢是個最佳的僕人，卻是個最糟糕的主人，如果讓他居首位，而你臣服於下，你就成為他的奴隸。』
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公司裏發布一份公告：「本公司為了節省開支，向所有職工徵求節約建議，建議最優者將獲得一萬元獎勵. 」
最後，公司的一個工人得到了獎金，他的建議是：把獎金的數目從一萬元減低為5000元。
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美國一個銀行發生搶劫案，搶匪才剛把錢藏好，就被警長逮捕了。由於搶匪是印地安人，不會講英文，警長只好去請翻譯官來幫忙翻譯。
經過一陣疲勞轟炸式的拷問，搶匪還是堅持不肯說出錢藏在那裡。沒有辦法，警長只好扮起黑臉，咆哮地告訴翻譯官：「告訴搶匪 ，再不說，就把他斃了！」
翻譯官忠實地把警長的意思傳達出去，大概翻譯得太好了，搶匪嚇得語無倫次的說：『錢藏在鎮中央的井裡，求你叫他饒我一命。』
翻譯官神情凝重地告訴警長：「這小子真有種，寧死不招。他叫你斃了他吧！！」
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How 6 people accidentally found a fortune
Story Highlights:
Man buys Martin Johnson Heade painting for $30 and sells it for $1.2 million
Woman with metal detector found crucifix priced at more than $63,000
Arkansas park is the only diamond site in the world that's open to the public
Possible Jackson Pollock painting bought for $5 may be worth $100 million
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/08/12/mf.buried.treasure/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
Wed August 12, 2009
By Rob Lammle
(Mental Floss) -- We've all been there: a week until payday, the rent is due, and you're rummaging in your parents' attic to find Dad's Mickey Mantle rookie card.
Only 36 of 200 official copies of the Declaration of Independence have been found intact since 1820.
If you're in need of some quick cash, here are six stories of people who found a fortune when -- and where -- they least expected it.
1. Lose a hammer, find a horde
In November 1992, a farmer living near the village of Hoxne in Suffolk, England, lost a hammer in one of his fields, so he asked Eric Lawes to use his metal detector to search for it.
While looking for the hammer, Lawes happened upon something else of interest -- 24 bronze coins, 565 gold coins, 14,191 silver coins, plus hundreds of gold and silver spoons, jewelry, and statues, all dating back to the Roman Empire.
As required by British law, the so-called “Hoxne Hoard” was reported to the local authorities, who declared it a “Treasure Trove,” meaning it was now legally the property of Britain.
However, the government is required to pay fair market value for a treasure trove, meaning the farmer and Lawes split a cool £1.75 million (about $2.8 million).
The Hoxne Hoard is now on permanent display at the British Museum, drawing thousands of people every year.
Sadly, there is no word on whether or not the hammer was ever found.
2. Arkansas is a girl's best friend
W.O. Bassum found a giant of a gemstone in 1924 -- a 40.23 carat diamond.
It might surprise you to hear that he wasn't digging in one of the famous South African diamond mines at the time, but was near Murfreesboro, Arkansas, at a site that is now the Crater of Diamonds State Park.
Sitting on top of a volcanic pipe (a geologic tube formed by an ancient underground volcanic explosion), the park is the only diamond site in the world that is open to the public.
Best of all, the park's policy is: “You find it. You keep it. No matter how valuable it is.”
Bassum's big find -- nicknamed “The Uncle Sam Diamond,” the largest diamond ever discovered in North America -- was later cut down to 12.42 carat and sold for $150,000 in 1971 (About $800,000 today).
But his wasn't the last valuable rock dug out of that Arkansas soil.
In 1964, “The Star of Murfreesboro” was discovered at the same site, weighing in at 34.25 carat.
Then, in 1975, came the 16.37 carat “Amarillo Starlight Diamond.”
The 6.35 carat “Roden Diamond” was found in 2006.
And the crown jewel of the park has been the “Strawn-Wagner Diamond,” a comparatively small 3.09 carat diamond, that was dug up in 1990, and expertly cut down to 1.90 carat.
Despite its smaller size, the Strawn-Wagner stands out because it was given a “Perfect” rating by the American Gem Society -- the first diamond to ever receive such a high grade.
But don't think this list of big gems means the site has been tapped out. On average, two diamonds are found every day at Crater of Diamonds.
They're not all as big as The Uncle Sam Diamond, but maybe you'll get lucky. There's only one way to find out... Mental Floss: 10 diamond-encrusted things you don't need
If getting your hands dirty isn't your idea of fun, maybe you should start hitting garage sales and thrift stores to find valuables buried among the castoff bread machines and Members Only jackets.
Sometimes, one man's trash really is another man's treasure.
3. The Declaration of (financial) Independence
We've all heard of the man who bought a $4 painting at a garage sale, found an original copy of the Declaration of Independence inside, and sold it for $2.4 million. A once-in-a-lifetime story, right?
Not so much, actually.
Michael Sparks was visiting a Nashville thrift store, where he bought a candleholder, a set of salt and pepper shakers, and a yellowed print of the Declaration of Independence.
Sparks figured the document was a worthless, modern reprint, so he paid the asking price -- $2.48 -- and headed home.
After looking over the document for a few days, he wondered if it might be older than he initially thought.
So he hopped on the Internet to do some research and soon realized he had purchased one of only 200 official copies of the Declaration of Independence commissioned by John Quincy Adams in 1820.
Of those 200, 35 had been found intact; he had number 36.
It took a year for Sparks to have the print authenticated and preserved, and then he put it up for auction, netting a final sale price of $477,650.
The salt and pepper shakers, on the other hand, were still worthless.
4. A good Heade for bargains
One day, an employee at a tool-and-die company in Indiana spent $30 for a few pieces of used furniture and an old painting of some flowers.
When he got his new stuff home, he decided to strategically hang the picture to cover up a hole in the wall that had been bugging him.
Some years later he was playing a board game called Masterpiece in which players attempt to outbid one another for artwork at an auction.
Much to his surprise, one of the cards in the game featured a painting of flowers that looked a lot like the one he had on his wall.
So he went online and found that his painting was similar in style to the work of Martin Johnson Heade, an American still-life artist best known for landscapes and flower arrangements.
Through his research he found the Kennedy Galleries in Manhattan, which handles many of Heade's works, and asked them to take a look at his painting.
They agreed and were able to verify that the piece of artwork covering the hole in his wall was a previously unknown Heade painting, since named Magnolias on Gold Velvet Cloth.
In 1999, The Museum of Fine Arts in Houston purchased the painting for $1.2 million dollars.
I emailed the Museum to ask if the painting was covering a hole in the wall, but I didn't get a reply. Mental Floss: 6 really strange truck spills
As you go in search of your nest egg, keep in mind the old adage: “It's only worth what the market will bear.”
Sometimes finding treasure is the easy part; finding someone willing to buy it can be the real challenge.
5. It's nice, but it's no Middleham Jewel...
Every Sunday afternoon for the last seven years, Mary Hannaby had gone for a walk with her metal detector.
She'd never really found anything of value, but she liked getting the exercise, so she kept at it.
On one Sunday in June 2009, her detector beeped, and she bent down to dig up what she thought was going to be another common coin or old nail. Instead, she uncovered a postage stamp-sized gold pendant featuring an intricate carving of the crucifixion of Jesus.
Maybe she had finally hit the jackpot.
Upon inspection by the British Museum, the pendant was described as “an important find,” and they estimated the market value to be around £4,000 (about $6,600).
Still, they decided not to purchase it for their collection, so Mary took the pendant to Sotheby's.
The experts at the auction house felt the piece was much more valuable, because it was believed to be one of only three similar items known to exist. Their initial estimate was £250,000 ($415,900), but said it could easily sell for as much as £2.5 million ($4.1 million) thanks to its resemblance to another English treasure also found with a metal detector, the Middleham Jewel.
But as the saying goes, “Never count your millions until the auctioneer bangs his gavel.”
Sotheby's put the pendant up for auction on July 9, 2009, making it the highlight of a large lot of antique sculptures.
Clearly the expectations were high. The bidding started at £30,000 (about $49,900), but as the final call was made, the best offer was only £38,000 (about $63,200) -- far below the reserve price to make a sale. Mental Floss: 6 articles of clothing that caused riots
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Quotes引證 :
Life is cheap. It’s the accessories that kill you. Anonymous
When you are rich, you are hated; when you are poor, you are despised. Proverb from Ghana
We cannot serve God and mammon, but we can serve God with mammon. Robert E Spencer
Money is a bad master but a good servant.
Rather go to bed supperless, than rise in debt. Benjamin Franklin
The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. John Beehler
There is nothing wrong with men possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men. Billy Graham
The money you save is the money you earn.
I used to think I was poor. They told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. They told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. They told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary. Jules Feiffer
Wealth is in the heart, not in the hand.
The poor person is not the one without a cent but the one who is without a dream.
The jests of the rich are ever successful. Oliver Goldsmith
“Do not waste money on useless lotions.”
“Do not waste money on expensive course prep stuff.”
“Do not waste money on home equipment or health gyms.”
“Do not waste money on superfluous jerseys, scarves, over-coats.”
“Do not waste money on nice covers or binders.”
“Do not waste money on fancy bows and glittery wrappings.”
“Do not waste money on scholarship searches that charge a fee.”
“Do not waste money on fad diets.”
“Do not waste money on web sites that will submit your web site to 1 million search engines. “
“Do not waste money on gas masks or bio suits.”
“Do not waste money on bargains that you see on your computer screen.”
「不要浪費錢在無用的洗滌劑或化妝水上。」
「不要浪費錢在昂貴的課程準備的書上。」
「不要浪費錢在家庭健身設備或健身中心。」
「不要浪費錢在多餘的平針織物、絲巾和外套大衣上。」
「不要浪費錢在漂亮的書封面或裝訂工。」
「不要浪費錢在蝴蝶領結和閃爍的包裝紙上。」
「不要浪費錢在獎學金搜尋費上。」
「不要浪費錢在一時的減肥食物上。」
「不要浪費錢透你的網站給一百萬個搜尋網站上。」
「不要浪費錢在防毒面罩或生物服裝。」
「不要浪費錢去討價還價，既然你已在電腦螢幕上看到特價。」
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