HELP 幫助
這是一個很多年前的故事。有一個大學生急需要找一份暑假工，他在招聘廣告之中，發現當地的動物園正招聘員工，雖然他仍未十分清楚工作範圍，但他已經對這份工作感到很大的興趣。當他往面試時，管理員告訴他動物園最近走失了猩猩，並對他說 “新的猩猩應於夏天尾才到，但暫時我們需要有人穿上服裝扮猩猩，我們會付可觀的薪金。”這個年青人有點猶疑，但他實在需要金錢，故也就答應了。當他穿上服裝扮猩猩後幾小時，他發現自己有點享受這個工作；可是，因為他穿上猩猩服後，根本沒有辦法看清楚前面的路，所以他竟然意外地走入了獅子籠。當聽到獅子兇惡的咆哮聲，這個年青的大學生感到十分的驚慌，他大叫救命 “這裏面有人呀，我只是穿上了猩猩服而已，救命啊！”突然間，他聴到有一聲音從獅子內發出 “收聲啊，細佬，你會令我們兩人都給辭退的！”
There is an old story about a college student who was desperately in need of a summer job poor. He searched the want ads and discovered the local zoo was looking for help. He couldn’t think of a more creative way to spend the summer, but he wasn’t prepared for the job description. When he went to apply, the zookeeper explained that they had recently lost their gorilla. “You can’t have a zoo without a gorilla,” the zookeeper rationalized. “We are expecting a new gorilla by the end of the summer, but, in the meantime, we need someone to dress the part. We’ll pay you well.”
The young student was hesitant, but he needed the money, so he agreed. After a couple of hours in the gorilla suit, he found himself almost enjoying the job. But in the awkward costume he could not always see where he was going, and he accidentally stumbled into the lion’s cage. The lion roared violently, throwing the college student into a panic. “Help!” he screamed. “Help! I’m a man in here! I’m a man in this gorilla suit!” Then he heard a voice from inside the lion whisper, “Shut up, kid! You’ll get both of us fired!” (Bob Russell, When Life is A Zoo God still loves you 55; Cin., OH/Standard Publishing Company 1992)
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某一個安息日的下午，一個男士站在一個猶太祭司書房裡，從窗口望窗外的景況，
突然間，那男士問：“祭司，若你看到一隻牛在安息日遇溺，你認為我們是否應當救它？還是不救?”
祭司回答：“當然不能救啦，這是律法不容許的行為，你在看什麼呢？”
“沒什麼，只是有隻牛跌進河裏”
“我們不能做什麼，因律法不許”
“我只是看看…… 唉！現在水已過了牛頭，可憐的牛呀！”
“那你可以如何呢？”
“祭司，依你的意思，我們真的不能為它做什麼？”
“為何你這麼關心呢？”
“現在，我已看不到那可憐的牛… 它已經遇溺了！可惜……真的太可惜了！”
“這與你何干呢？為何你會為一隻牛不高興呢？它是你的牛嗎？”
“不是，不是我的，是你的牛。”
One Sabbath afternoon a man stood at the window in the rabbi’s study looking outside.
“Rabbi,” he suddenly asked, “if one sees a cow drowning on the Sabbath - should one save her or let her drown?”
“Of course you can’t save her! It’s not allowed! What are you looking at anyway?”
“Nothing! A cow fell into the lake.”
“What can one do?” sighed the rabbi. “The Torah forbids it!”
“Just look!” cried the man. “Now the water is going over her head! It’s a pity on the poor animal!”
“What can one do?”
“So you say, Rabbi, nothing can be done for her?”
“What concern is it of your anyway?”
“Now I can no longer see the poor cow...she’s gone under...drowned! A pity - a great pity!”
“What’s the matter with you? Why are you so sad? Is it your cow?”
“No, it’s your cow.”
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一個男童軍領袖問三個小童軍他今天做了什麼善事
第一個小童軍答道 “我幫了一個老婆婆過馬路”
“很好!” 童軍領袖回應，他再問第二個小童軍 “那你做了什麼善事?”
第二個小童軍回答 “我也是幫了那一個老婆婆過馬路”
童軍領袖說 “我認為你應想想另外一件善事”他轉頭再問第三個小童軍 “那你又做了什麼 ?”
“我也是幫了同一個老婆婆過馬路”第三個小童軍回答
童軍領袖問他們 “為何需要你們三個做同一件事呢?”
三個小童軍同聲回答 “因她不想過馬路”
The scout master asked three little scouts what good deed they had done today. The first one replied, “I helped an old lady cross the street.”
“Very good,” the scout master said. Turning to the second boy he asked, “and what did you do?”
“I also helped that old lady cross the street.”
“I see, perhaps you could have thought of something different.” Turning to the third boy, he asked, “and what did you do?”
“I also helped that old lady cross the street.”
“Why did it take three of you?” the scout master asked.
They replied in unison, “Because she did not want to.”
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A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert। Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. He was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the tent and called out, “Water...”.
A bedouin appeared in the tent door and replied sympathetically, “I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie?” With this, he brandished a collection of exquisite silken neckwear.
“You fool,” gasped the man. “I’m dying! I need water!”
“Well, sir,” replied the bedouin, “If you really need water, there is a tent about two kilometers south of here where you can get some.”
Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the tent and collapsed.
Another bedouin, dressed in a costly tuxedo, appeared at the door and enquired, “May I help you sir?”
“Water...” was the feeble reply.
“Oh, sir,” replied the bedouin, “I’m sorry, but you can’t come in here without a tie!”
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There is an old Jewish story of a mad prince. This prince believed himself to be a turkey. He would scratch around, naked, on the ground, picking up bread crumbs under the table. The court physicians tried everything they could to cure him, but all in vain. Finally, a little old man stepped forward. “Let me do it my way,” he said. The prince’s father, the king, in despair, accepted his offer.
The little old man at once undressed and went under the table himself. He then started behaving like a turkey. Suddenly the prince had a friend. For a while the two of them behaved this way- like turkeys underneath the table. Then the little old man had two pair of trousers brought. “Why are you putting on trousers?” the prince asked in astonishment. “One can quite easily wear trousers and still be a turkey,” answered the old man. So the prince also put on a pair of trousers. After a time the same thing happened with two shirts: “Anyone can wear a shirt and still be a turkey,” explained the old man. Little by little, without the old man ever questioning the old man’s behavior, he led the prince to a type of behavior more in keeping with human reality. More time passed, and the little old man invited the prince to sit at the table to eat: “One can eat at the table and still be a turkey,” he explained. Finally, the prince forgot all about being a turkey. He began to think and act like a prince. (Year One Dynamic Preaching Jan ‘94 Vol IX, No. 1.)
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Soren Kiekegard, the great Danish theologian of another century, tells a story of a prince who wanted to find a maiden suitable to be his queen. One day while running an errand in the local village for his father he passed through a poor section.
As he glanced out the windows of the carriage his eyes fell upon a beautiful peasant maiden. During the ensuing days he often passed by the young lady and soon fell in love. But he had a problem. How would he seek her hand?
He could order her to marry him. But even a prince wants his bride to marry him freely and voluntarily and not through coercion. He could put on his most splendid uniform and drive up to her front door in a carriage drawn by six horses. But if he did this he would never be certain that the maiden loved him or was simply overwhelmed with all of the splendor.
Then the prince came up with another solution. He would give up his robes, move into the village, entering not with a crown but in the garb of a peasant. So, he lived among the people, shared their interests and concerns, and talked their language.
In time the maiden grew to love him for who he was and loved him because he had first loved her.
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Quotes引證 :
Care may kill people, but don’t care kills more. (More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
今日我們每個人都可以給三個禮物：開朗的微笑，一個鼓勵的話，並伸出援助之手。
Three gifts we each can give today: a cheerful smile, an encouraging word, and a helping hand. William Arthur Ward
The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
Nelson Henderson
對於每一個行動，都有一個相同的和相反的反應。假如你用強硬的方式推向世界，他們會反彈，把你推回去。如果您輕輕觸摸世界，世界也會輕輕觸摸你，使你得著回報。
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you push hard on the world, the world pushes back on you. If you touch the world gently, the world will touch you gently in return. Paul Hewitt
Don’t point a finger, lend a helping hand!
People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.
I shall pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. Stephen Grellet
Advice is seldom welcome. Those who need it most, like it least.
Do every day or two something for no other reason than you would rather not do it, so that when the hour of dire need draws nigh, it may find you not unnerved and untrained to stand the test. William James
It is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation. Andy Rooney
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. Isaac Newton
Christians are like the flowers in a garden, that have each of them the dew of Heaven, which, being shaken with the wind, they let fall at each other’s roots, whereby they are jointly nourished, and become nourishers of each other.”
John Bunyan
You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man’s initiative and independence. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves. Abraham Lincoln
There is no escape - man drags man down, or man lifts man up. Booker T. Washington
To the question of life, you are the only answer. To the problems of life, you are the only solution. Author unknown
Don’t find fault; find a remedy. Henry Ford
We are all born equal—equally helpless and equally indebted to others for whatever our survival turns out to be worth.
If you were born with a good mind and a good body you were obliged to help others. Quakers
We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. Mother Teresa
Everyone can’t be rich, but everyone can be kind. Margaret K. Harvill
You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. P.T. Forsyth
Help us to be master of ourselves that we may be servants of others. Sir Alec Paterson
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HONESTY/DISHONESTY 誠實虛假
After the war ended, Hari and his brother used to help the army buy groceries and fresh produce for the troops. At the time, the British had no money, so instead they would open the Kowloon Godown and told them to take what they wanted in exchange for the food. Hari recollected that the warehouses were packed with Red Cross mercy packages that the Japanese had hoarded. But the Harilelas only took two cases of scotch and about 20 cartons of cigarettes. Dr Hari Harilela夏利里拉:“They were surprised we took so little, and said others are taking 10 or 20 cases of scotch, so we should take more. But I said no! I said my father always used to say ‘Make whatever profit you want, but don’t be greedy and don’t cheat,’ he says. ‘Greed destroys the fabric of the family.’ Rather than missing the chance to cash in, the Harilelas integrity made them their fortune. Impressed by their honesty, the army appointed the Harileals as their main supplier for everything from laundry to groceries, as well as the supplier of uniforms. Later they diversified from tailoring into real estate, building up a global hotel empire. The Bulletin Dec 2009 "The Harilela Business Empire"
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A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, “That's not good.” and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said, “Yes?” and the bird said, “You know.”
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“Have you lost half a crown?” he asked with his hand in his pocket.
“Y-es, yes, I believe I have!” said the stranger feeling in his pockets. “Have you found one?”
“Oh, no,” said the small boy. “I just want to see how many have been lost today. Yours makes fifty-four!”
(More Toasts, Gertrude Stein)
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Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or one of his own children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, “It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.” The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One seed. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!”
There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by. Still nothing. By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace.
When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey nice try.” When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!” All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!” When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!” Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor? Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grown, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!”
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Once, truth and falsehood met at a crossroads, and after they had greeted each other, Falsehood asked Truth how the world went with him. “How it goes with me?” said Truth. “Each year worse off than the last.” “I can see the plight you are in,” said Falsehood, glancing at Truth’s ragged clothes. “Why, even your breath stinks.” “Not a bite has passed my lips these three days,” said Truth. “Wherever I go, I get troubles, not only for myself, but for few who love me still. It’s no way to live, this.” “You have only yourself to blame,” said Falsehood to him. “Come with me, You’ll see better days, dress in fine clothes like mine, and eat plenty, only you must not gainsay anything I say.”
Truth consented, just that once, to go and eat with falsehood because he was so hungry he could hardly keep upright. They set out together and came to a great city, and went into the best hotel, which was full of people, and sat and ate of the best. When many hours had gone by, and most of the people had gone, Falsehood rapped with his fist on the table, and the hotelkeeper himself came up to see to their wants, for Falsehood looked like a great nobleman. He asked what they desired.
“How much longer do I have to wait for the change from the sovereign I gave the boy who sets the table?” said Falsehood. The host called the boy, who said that he had no sovereign. The Falsehood grew angry and began to shout, saying he would never have believed that such a hotel would rob the people who went in there to eat, but he would bear it in mind another time, and he threw a sovereign at the hotelkeeper. “There,” he said, “bring me the change.”
Fearing that his hotel would get a bad name, the hotelkeeper would not take the sovereign, but gave change from the reputed sovereign of the argument, and boxed the ears of the boy who could not remember taking the coin. The boy began to cry, and protest that he had not had the sovereign, but no one believed him, he sighed deeply and said, “Alas, where are you, unhappy Truth? Are you no more?”
“No, I’m here,” said Truth, through clenched teeth, “but I had not eaten for three days, and now I may not speak. You must find the right of it by yourself, my tongue is tied.”
When they got outside, Falsehood burst out laughing and said tot Truth, “You see how I contrive things?”
“Better I should die of hunger,” said Truth, “than to do the things you do.” So they parted forever.
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A man was killed at a railroad crossing one summer evening in 1891. His relatives sued the railroad, claiming negligence on the part of the watchman. During the ensuing trial, the watchman was called to the witness stand. The prosecuting attorney asked him several questions. “Were you on duty at the crossing at the time of the accident?” “Yes sir, I was.” “Did you have a lantern?” “Yes sir, I did.” “Did you wave your lantern in warning?” “Yes sir, several times.”
Having answered in the affirmative to every question, the watchman helped the railroad win its case. An officer of the railroad came to see the watchman later to thank him for giving evidence in favor of the railroad. The officer inquired, “Tell me, Mr. Jarvis, were you nervous during the questioning at the trial?” The watchman replied, “Yes, I feared every moment that he would ask, ‘Was the lantern lit?’”
Johnny Jackson
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遊客我的一個朋友到埃及去旅遊，帶回來一個不尋常的故事，他到開羅附近一個小雜貨店，看到一個頭骨被展示，他問那個業主關於頭骨的事，業主說：「那是埃及艷后的頭骨」旁邊擺著較小的頭骨引起他的注意，當他問起這個時，業主說：「那個也是埃及艷后的頭骨，只是那是他小時候的!」
A certain man was on a diet to lose weight. He even changed routes to work in order to avoid a particular bakery, which displayed scrumptious looking pastries in its window. But one day he arrived at the office carrying a beautiful, large coffee cake. His colleagues teased him about slipping off the diet.
In reply, he smiled and said, “Today I accidentally drove by the bakery and looked in the window and saw a host of goodies. Now, I felt it was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of these delicious coffee cakes, let me find a parking space in front of the bakery.’ And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!”
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A friend of mine spent some time in Egypt and brought back a rather unusual story. She was at a bazaar on one of Cairo's side streets, and saw a skull being exhibited. She asked the proprietor about it. He told her it was the skull of Cleopatra.Alongside that skull was a smaller one, which piqued her interest. When she asked about that one, the proprietor said: “That m'Lady is also Cleopatra's -- but as a child.”
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我們無法寄出你新訂的貨物有位客戶對配貨商下了一個訂單，是一筆很多貨物的大金額訂單。配貨商發現到上次的欠賬還沒付清，便指示收款經理聯絡這位客戶。收款經理打了一通電話，並留下錄音說：「我們無法寄出你新訂的貨物，除非你付清上次的欠款。」隔天，收款經理接到一通客戶打來的對方付費的電話，說：「請將訂單取消。我們不能等那麼久。」
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noticing that the previous bill hadn't been paid, instructed the collections manager to contact the customer. The collections manager made the call and left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call from the customer who said, “Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.”
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有個在市場賣鵝的生意人，自以為聰明總是虛報斤兩，多賺顧客的錢。有一天，生意還不錯，只剩最後一隻鵝。來了一個買鵝客人，他就為他稱了那隻鵝的重量，「八斤」，他說。客人說：「太小了，有沒有大一點的？」他索性把那隻鵝放回底下的籠子內，然後，又抓出來，「這隻大一點」，假裝稱了一下，說：「九斤」。他心裡想說，這下賺翻了！不料，那客人卻說：「好，那兩隻都給我！」他當場不知如何是好。
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有一次有人問蘇格拉底道：「蘇格拉底先生，你可曾聽說…」蘇格拉底馬上打斷了他的話，說：「且慢！朋友，你是否確知你要告訴我的話全都是真的？」「那倒不！我只是聽人說的。」蘇格拉底說：「原來如此，那你就不必講給我聽了，除非那是件好事。請問你講的那件事是不是好事呢？」「恰恰相反！但是我們有知道的必要，這樣也好防止害到別人。」「那麼，好啦！」蘇格拉底最後說道：「讓我們把這件事忘卻吧！人生中有那麼多有價值的事情，我們沒功夫去理會既不真又不好，而且沒有必要知道的事情了。
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蘇格拉底是個大哲學家，也是一位能言善辯的演說家。有來自平惜K方的人，有的想聽他智慧的言語，有的想學他演說的技巧，其中有一個雅典的少年人想付錢學習「演講術」。當他一看見老師走進來，便立刻自我介紹，訴說他顯赫的身世，心中的抱負，和對當時各學派的不滿等，嘮叨個不停。蘇格拉底看他毫無停止的意思，遂伸手摀住他的嘴說：「青年人啊！我得向你收取加倍的學費。」「為什麼？」蘇格拉底回答他說：「因為我必須教你兩樣功課；首先得教你怎樣勒住你的舌頭，其次才能教你怎樣使用你的舌頭。」
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Quotes引證 :
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head
When someone gets something for nothing, someone else gets nothing for something.
A half truth is a whole lie. Yiddish
我一直在保持六位誠實服務員。他們都教曉我應該知道的知識，就是個怎樣的人，並且無論他們是在何時及在何處時，他們都知道他們是誰。
I keep six honest serving men. They taught me all I knew. They were what, and why, and when. And how and where and who. Rudyard Kipling
Many more people beat me now that I am not president any longer. Eisenhower
When in doubt, tell the truth. Mark Twain
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HUMILITY/PRIDE 謙卑驕傲
一個女人走進飾品設計的商店，想要修改她新帽子上的裝飾，說它擺錯邊了。"但是，"售貨員說，"裝飾本來就應該在左邊的。"女人說，”換一邊擺有差嗎？它應該擺在「教堂」這邊！"” 「教堂」這邊」！”女孩驚訝的重複著。"是的！我通常坐在左側的牆邊，我要全體會眾都看得到我的帽飾！"
A woman came into a milliner’s store and wanted to have the trimming on her new hat changed, saying it had been placed on the wrong side. “But,” said the saleslady, “the trimming is on the left side. That is where it ought to be.” “It doesn’t make any difference where it ought to be; it’s got to be on the church side.” “Church side!” gasped the astonished girl. “Yes, I sit next to the wall. I want it on the other side so the whole congregation can see it.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 568)
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President Lincoln was once told by an associate, “I am very anxious that the Lord should be on our side.” “Oh,” said Mr. Lincoln, “that does not give me the least trouble in the world, sir. The only question is whether we are on the Lord’s side. If we are on the Lord’s side, we are perfectly safe.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 582)
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One of the finest descriptions of a magnanimous man is Emerson’s brief characterization of Abraham Lincoln: “His heart was as great as the world, but there was no room in it to hold the memory of a wrong.” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 596)
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Whether we want to recognize it or not, many of us are like the Christian who went to the village merchant to purchase a pair of shoes. He was outfitted with a suitable pair and went away happy. Some weeks later he brought the shoes back. “Didn’t they fit? Weren’t they good?” asked the merchant. “Yes.” “Then why are you returning them?” “Because they don’t have a squeak.” It appeared the man wanted a pair of shoes that would squeak as he walked up the aisle of the church. He wanted something that would draw attention to himself. (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 563)
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A minister who had to move to an obscure country parish in England because of ill health never gained acceptance among the villagers whom he sought to serve. Being unable to do much work, he procured a preacher from Wales who attracted large congregations. His family was a little jealous of this unexpected preference, but he rebuked them. “Take me to hear him,” he said. “God honors him, and I will honor him. Have you ever studied that text, ‘He must increase, but I must decrease’? ‘A man can receive nothing except it be given him from heaven.’” (from Illustrations of Bible Truths # 522)
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Muhammand Ali. Once he was on an airplane. The flight attendant came and asked him to buckle his seatbelt.
He replied, “Superman don’t need no seatbelt.”
She responded, “Superman don’t need no plane.”
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Benjamin Franklin loved to argue. Occasionally he would find himself overwhelmed by the arguments of his learned friend. At such times he often would say: “Give me a day to think the matter over, for I’m correct.” (Tan # 394)
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JFK: Soon after his confrontation with the steel industry in 1961, Kennedy said he was visited by a well-known businessman who seemed decidedly pessimistic about the economy. He tried to reassure his visitor by saying, “Why, if I weren’t president, I’d be buying stock myself.”
“If you weren’t president,” the businessman replied, “so would I.”
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一名軍人寫下他親眼目睹軍隊中所發生的「意外笑果」。它發生在阿拉巴馬州的紅石阿森納，美國陸軍導彈學校的連隊視察時。
視察由一位準備充分的上校引導著。一切都進行的很順利，直到上校走到一名打斷了視察工作的阿兵哥旁邊。
上校停下來，上下打量他，大吼一聲："解開口袋，傘兵 ！"
這名士兵慌張而結巴的說："現在嗎？長官？"
"當然現在 ！"上校回答他。
於是士兵很小心地伸出手，解開上校襯衫上垂下的口袋。
A serviceman wrote about a bit of unintended comedy he witnessed in the army. It happened during a company inspection at the Redstone Arsenal in Alabama, the U.S. Army’s guided missile school.
The inspection was being conducted by a full colonel. Everything had gone smoothly until the officer came to the man standing just next to the soldier who recalled the incident.
The colonel stopped, looked the man up and down, and snapped, “Button that pocket, trooper!”
The soldier, more than a little rattled, stammered, “Right now, sir?”
“Of course right now!” was the reply.
Whereupon the soldier very carefully reached out and buttoned the flap on the colonel’s shirt pocket.
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這是在1995 年10月， 美國軍艦與加拿大邊防在離紐芬蘭的附近沿海的一次實際無線電交談的紀錄抄本。無線電交談紀錄由海軍行動處長在1995年10月10日公開於眾：
美國軍艦： 將您的路線轉北15 度為避免碰撞。
加拿大這邊： 建議您將您的路線向南轉變15 度為避免碰撞。
美國軍艦： 我是美國軍艦的上尉。我再說一次， 轉變你的航向。
加拿大這邊： 我再說一次， 請轉變你的航向。
美國軍艦： 這是航空母艦USS 林肯號， 是美國大西洋艦隊中第二大艦支，並且我們由三艘驅逐艦、三個巡洋艦和許多其他的船群伴隨。我再次要求， 請您改變您的路線15 度向北， 否則你們將自行承擔你們的安全！！！
加拿大這邊： 不過， 我們這裡是燈塔。。。， 你說該怎樣吧！
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US navy ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision
Americans: This is the Captain of US Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No....I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE, FIVE DEGREES NORTH,OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse.....your call.
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有一個自以為是的人去拜訪一位大師，請教如何修身養性。但是打從一開始，這人就滔滔不絕的說話，大師一句話也插不上去，於是只好為他倒茶。大師不停的為他倒茶，只見杯中的水已經滿而溢出來了，可是大師仍是不停的繼續在倒，這人見狀，百思不解，遂問到：「杯子的水已經滿了，為甚麼還要繼續倒呢？」這時大師看著他，徐徐的說：「你就像這個杯子，被自我充滿了，若不先倒空自己，怎能悟道呢？」那人聽了頓時臉上一陣紅熱，卻也悟出了個中真意了。
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一個年輕人第一天到超級市場上班，市場經理微笑地歡迎他，並熱烈的和他握手。之後，經理交給他一把掃帚，說：「你的第一個工作是打掃店內的裏外。」
這個年輕人很不高興的說：「你不知道我是一個大學畢業生嗎？」
「喔！對不起，我不知道你是大學畢業生。」經理說：「把掃帚給我，我教你怎麼掃。」
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I'm a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how.”
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從前晏子有一個新車夫，他一回家，就要妻子殷勤伺候。他妻子很奇怪，很有禮貌問她丈夫說： 「你以前未曾這樣子，怎麼今天就不一樣呢?」她丈夫回答說： 「以前我沒有作官，現在作官了。」他妻子問他： 「你做甚麼官呢? 」他說： 「很大的官，我若不出聲，宰相不敢行，你想想大不大呢? 」他妻子莫明其妙，內心總想知道丈夫到底做甚麼官? 於是私下跟在丈夫的後頭看個究竟，等一會兒看到他的丈夫拉一輛馬車出來，她的丈夫就扶宰相上車，因為晏子太矮，所以要扶他才能上車。晏子上車後他也跟著上車，馬索一拉喊一聲馬即時開步走了，他的妻子知道了，原來丈夫是車夫不喊馬就不走，馬不走自然宰相也不能行了。到了她丈夫晚上回家，又叫妻子給他伺候，她拆他的西洋鏡，他學會謙卑。晏子後來提拔他為真的官。
（楊信德，《新約聖經一般故事講道集》）
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擊敗拿破崙的英國名將惠靈頓，在他的教會裏跪領聖餐時，一位很窮苦的人跪在他的旁邊。另一個人過來輕聲地叫他離開將軍一點。惠靈頓看出那人的意思，拉住那窮人的手說：「不要移動，我們在主的面前都是平等的。」
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亞歷山大．懷特（Alexander Whyte）是一位偉大的蘇格蘭佈道家，有一次，有人告訴他某位美國佈道家指控他的一位好友沒有重生得救。懷特聽了怒不可遏，大聲的指責那個批評他朋友的人。
等他情緒稍微安定下來，那個人又告訴他，那位佈道家也批評他沒有重生得救。突然間，懷特整個人安靜下來，沒有半句反駁或怒斥，只有駭人的沉默．他俯身將臉深深埋在雙手裡，然後抬頭對那人說：你走吧，朋友，你走吧！我必須徹底的檢查我的內心。（《如何自我成長》，中主，３５。）
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奧古斯丁西元四五世紀間的偉大神學家。他在西元426年所寫的《上帝之城》，在歷經十五個世紀後的今天，仍是許多政治與神學論著經常引用的名著。他最有名的一句話是：「如果沒有正義，政權會是什麼呢？不過是有組織的強盜罷了。」
有一次，一個久仰他盛名的人跑來問他：「身為基督徒，第一重要的美德是什麼？」
「謙卑」奧古斯丁回答。
「那麼第二個最重要的美德是什麼呢？」那人又問。
「謙卑」還是一樣的答案。
「那第三個呢？」那人仍不死心的問。
「謙卑」奧古斯丁的回答仍沒變。
「為什麼是謙卑？」那人不解的問。
奧古斯丁的解釋是，基督徒必須由謙卑起至謙卑止。因為稻麥愈成熟，其穗愈下垂。
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伊索寓言中「北風與太陽」談到有一天，北風先生與太陽小姐較勁誰可以讓旅行者脫下衣服。因此，北風說：我威力強，用我的力量旅行者必脫下衣服，北風大力吹風，想要把旅行者的外套吹掉；但風越大，旅行者反而拉緊外套扣上釦子。太陽小姐說：「雖然我沒有你的力量大，但是你看看我如何讓旅行者脫下外套」，他睜大眼睛，慢慢將雙手伸展出去，輕輕吹出熱氣。旅行者覺得越來越熱，不知不覺中衣服一件件的脫下。
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Quotes引證 :
Always remember when you are on top of the world, that the earth rotates every 24 hours. Steve Markis
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